


Nebula

by mackwritesreylo



Series: The Stars Collide [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Assault, Because he's a vampire, Ben just feels guilty and is struggling with his immortality, Car Accidents, Caretaker Ben, Child Abandonment, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, Drunk Rey (Star Wars), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Experienced Rey (Star Wars), F/M, Flashbacks, Grinding, Hospitals, Kissing, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Manipulation, Marking, Mutual Pining, Past Child Abuse, Protective Poe Dameron, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Has Issues (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), Twilight References, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Vampires, Violence, Virgin Ben Solo, bad boy virgin ben, but he thinks its for her own good, but not really?, but so does everyone else, but with vampires, discussion of abuse, expect it please, it doesn't work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 66,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27603917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mackwritesreylo/pseuds/mackwritesreylo
Summary: Rey has finally made it out of Jakku, New Mexico. Rather than stay in the desert wasteland in which she grew up, she leaves to go live with her foster brother Poe Dameron in the rainy town of Ach-to, Washington to take classes at a small community college. Rey expects this phase of her life to be full of life, and rejuvenation: something she'd never had the chance to experience in Jakku. Instead, her time in Ach-to quickly becomes anything but tranquil.What happens when she meets the beautiful and mysterious Ben Solo? Why does he hate her so much? And why can't she seem to think of anything but him?Kylo Ren has come home, finally. After a long stint of rebellion spent with the First Order in Italy, he has decided to embrace his family's...unconventional ideals. He's resumed the role Ben Solo, but can a name really dampen the monster within? He's being tempted at every turn, and when Rey Niima shows up out of the blue, he finds that she's tempting in more ways than one.TLDR: a Twilight AU that's all grown up and will eventually be E rated.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Dopheld Mitaka/Phasma, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: The Stars Collide [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018099
Comments: 153
Kudos: 120





	1. I don't wanna be modern art

**Author's Note:**

> HIIII welcome to my self-indulgent Twilight/Reylo AU! 
> 
> I grew up during the Twilight era and fell shamelessly in love with the story. As an adult, I recognize areas that could be problematic, but I still have a nostalgic love nonetheless.
> 
> I wanted to take this story and help it "grow up" a little bit, while still retaining the original style. Hopefully you don't hate it?
> 
> Kudos and comments are my lifeblood. Thank you all for reading!  
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kayla_248)

Rey rode in an Uber to the airport with the windows down. The seventy-five degree weather in Jakku was perhaps the only thing she would miss. She was leaving behind this desert wasteland to start over, putting all of her eggs in one basket and hoping none of them would break. 

She’d worn her best jeans, a farewell gesture to the dry heat of the desert. On the West Coast, far up north nestled into the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State, a small town named Ach-to existed under a constant cloud of rainfall. Rey had applied to a community college in the area as a means to an end, and started planning her escape the moment she graduated from high school. 

Her brother Poe had moved there for work only a year ago, seeking to escape the desert the same way she did. He’d invited her to live with him the second she aged out of the system, and the hope of escape was what had gotten her through her senior year alone. 

She’d been stuck in some pretty shitty foster homes since being separated from Poe at the age of six, but he’d always promised to wait for her. He’d left Jakku to start a career, and set up a home for her, and he’d made good on that promise. 

The funny thing was that Rey hated the rain. She loved the sun, and the warmth of the sand and clay beneath her feet. It warmed her skin, and made her feel alive. _Oh well._ Rain was a small price to pray for freedom. 

When the car dropped her off at the airport, she slung her hiking backpack (her only luggage) over her shoulder and headed inside. The four hour flight from Jakku to Ach-to went by swiftly. She passed the time with a book in her lap and her earbuds in her ears. She was excited to see Poe, but her nerves hadn’t quieted, and probably wouldn’t until she laid eyes on him. 

Poe had been incredibly helpful through the whole transition. He’d helped her register for classes, and gotten her a car to drive from a buddy that worked at a local garage. It was nothing fancy, but it would get her around and she couldn’t have been more thankful. 

It was raining when she landed, which was to be expected. Poe was waiting for her outside in the pickup lane, and she raced out to him and embraced him immediately. He was warm and solid and felt like home. She’d missed her family. 

“I missed you kiddo,” he said into her hair. Rey could hear the gruffness in his voice, and her own eyes misted over. 

“Hey, none of that. I’m here now.” she said with a watery laugh as she pulled out of the embrace. She looked over to the car that waited for them and smirked. “A police cruiser? Seriously?” 

“Shut it, runt. To the people of Ach-to I’m Chief Poe Dameron, and don’t you forget it.” 

“Yeah, sure chief. How’s that car coming along?” 

She loaded her heavy backpack into the trunk of the car while he answered. 

“It’ll be all set for you when we get to the house. I think it’ll be a good one for you. It’s really cheap,” he announced as we strapped into the front seat of the cruiser. 

“What kind of car?” Her eyebrows pulled together in concern. The words _cheap_ and _good_ didn’t always go hand in hand, and Poe was known to cut corners for a deal. 

“Okay, don’t laugh.” 

“Oh, Jesus Poe. What is it?” 

“It’s a ‘96 Civic, but I _promise_ it’s in great condition.” 

“Where’d you get it from?” 

“So you know how I told you about that volunteer program? The one down at the garage?” 

“Yeah,” she said, still trying to hide her slight suspicion. 

“One of the kids I used to work with runs the place now. Finn. He helps out a lot of the _rough kids_ in the area. Gives them jobs and stuff. He says they’re all super tight, like a little family.” He’d put air quotes around the phrase “rough kids.” She and Poe had both been known to be a little rough around the edges, but anyone that grew up the way they did would have been. If anyone knew that those kids needed a chance, it was Poe and Rey. 

“Anyway, Finn put a lot of work into the engine- it’s practically brand new.” He still sounded like he was trying to convince her, but she wasn’t quite buying it. 

“When did he buy it?” 

“Uh, I honestly don’t know. I think he picked it up somewhere and put some serious work into it. I trust the guy though. He does a lot of really good work.” 

“Really, Poe, what am I going to do if the thing breaks down? I don’t exactly have the money to fix it…” 

“Really, Rey, the thing runs great.” 

“So, how cheap is cheap? How much do I owe the guy?” 

“Well, kid, I kind of already bought it for you. Consider it an ‘I got the fuck out of Jakku’ gift.” 

Well, who was she to look a gift horse in the mouth? There was no way she was going to turn down a free car, regardless of the circumstances. Still, she was struck by his generosity. 

“You really didn’t need to do that, Poe. I was planning to buy myself a car. I have some savings….” 

“I don’t mind. I want your life here to be as comfortable as it can be. You’ve had it hard enough.” Poe kept his eyes forward as he said this, but Rey could hear the conviction in his voice. She knew better than to question him. 

“That’s really nice. Thank you. I appreciate it.” She reached out to pat his hand, and he squeezed it once in his. 

“You’re welcome,” he said with a nod, signaling the end of the conversation. 

Rey spent the rest of the drive staring out the window at the green landscape stretched out before them. Everything was green, and soaked through. Where the desert had been full of dryness and death, this place was full of life: an alien concept for Rey. 

When they made it to Poe’s house, Rey smiled at how charming it was. It was small, probably only two bedrooms, but it was perfect for him. The outside was a faded yellow with a white door, and there was a red car parked in the front. It was small, and sporty, and Rey loved it immediately. 

“Holy shit, Poe! I love it! Thank you!” Now she felt so much less anxiety at the prospect of driving to classes tomorrow. She wouldn’t be showing up on campus in a police cruiser. Instead, she’d be driving herself in her very own car. 

“I’m glad you like it,” Poe said gruffly as he hopped out of the cruiser. 

The trip up to her room was easy, since she’d packed light. The bedroom faced out into the front yard, and was painted a mossy green that Rey loved intensely. Poe had put a full-size bed in the room, an antique styled one that fit perfectly with the aesthetic of the room. There was a white painted desk that matched nestled into the corner with a small second-hand laptop resting on top of it. 

Rey’s eyes watered as she took in what Poe had done for her. He’d decorated, to the best of his ability, and bought her a laptop and furniture. She had everything she needed, right here in this room. It was more than she’d ever had. 

“The uh, the bathroom is at the top of the stairs on the other side. You have your own, but it’s not very big.” 

“Poe, I don’t fucking care. This is perfect. Everything is perfect.” She threw her arms around his neck for the second time that day. 

“Don’t worry about it, kid. You take some time and get settled. I’ll be around, okay?” She nodded, and Poe left her to unpack and settle on her own. 

Rey settled in, unpacking her bags and dreading the following day with a sinking feeling in her gut. She knew she was going to be a complete outcast, a freak, the second she walked through the doors of the Ach-to Community College. It wasn’t high school, but in a town this small it may as well have been. 

Most of the students that graduated from high school in Ach-to went straight to the community college to finish a two-year degree before venturing out into the real world. They would’ve all known each other for years, and she’d be the odd one out, just like she always had been back in Jakku. 

Except here, she had no “bad girl” reputation, no reputation as a street rat. She would be new here, and while that thought should have given her hope, instead it terrified her. She was a _girl next door_ : small frame, chestnut hair, tan skin with freckles, and an upturned nose that gave her a girlish look. She was small, but not soft since the years of hard work in the local garage had kept her toned. 

She put her clothes away quickly and methodically before grabbing her bathroom supplies and heading to clean herself up. Her face in the mirror didn’t look like it had when she’d left Jakku that morning. She looked tired. The hope in her eyes had started to dim, and the exhaustion manifested as purple circles under her eyes. 

Her nerves were getting the best of her. She knew it wouldn’t do her any good to keep worrying about fitting in. It was incredibly unlikely that she would mesh with most of the people here; she had never really fit in anywhere. She knew that her life experiences had tainted her worldview. It had given her an appreciation for the mundane, the things everyone else her age took for granted. 

Maybe her stolen childhood had scarred her. Maybe it didn’t matter. All that mattered was how she handled it, and tomorrow she’d get her chance.

* * *

The sound of the rain put her to sleep that night and she slept like the dead. When she woke and opened the curtains in her room, the thick fog was all she could see. She thought about stepping into it, allowing the wetness to caress her skin, and envelop her like an embrace. It never rained in Jakku. There was no life there. 

Breakfast with Poe was anything but quiet as he prattled on about his plans for the day. He’d be spending it at the station, like usual, and planned to make spaghetti for dinner. He wished her luck with her classes, and made sure she had her textbooks and laptop with her. He was acting like it was her first day of kindergarten, but if Rey was being honest, she relished the attention. 

Poe kissed her head, and rushed off to the station before Rey could get up from the breakfast table. She took a second to breathe, taking in her surroundings. 

Poe had done his best with decorating the house. Most of the decor and furniture probably came from a thrift store, but that didn’t matter. He had taken the time to hang up pictures of the two of them, of the other kids that had lived in the group home, and some of Rey’s landscape photos from her photography phase. 

As she walked to the front door, she was stopped in her tracks. On the wall next to the front door, Poe had hung a small collection of Rey’s artwork. There were canvases with landscapes, sketch pages with charcoal portraits, random watercolor splotches painted onto absorbent paper, and so many other art styles that Rey had experimented with over the years.

She rushed out the door with her raincoat and backpack, and pretended that her eyes weren’t misted over. 

The inside of her car was warm and dry. It had obviously been cleaned, either by Finn or Poe, but the inside still smelled faintly of marijuana and cherries from some old air freshener. The engine started easily, much to her relief, and she was excited to see that it ran like a dream. The radio worked, and there was a tape player with an aux cord hanging out of the dash. She plugged her phone in and played music as she made her way to the community college. 

One quick stop for coffee at the tiny town’s only drive-thru coffee shop and Rey was already feeling more ready to tackle the day. Finding the college wasn’t difficult. The town was small, and ATCC was located practically in the center of it. The school was made up of a handful of small brick buildings, all connected by walkways and protected by shrubs. Rey pulled her car up in front of the first building labeled “ADMINISTRATION.” She hopped out with her backpack thrown over her shoulder and her eyes down as she headed into the building to grab a campus map. 

The inside of the office building was brightly lit, warm, and quaint. She stepped up to the one counter in the room and cleared her throat, hoping to garner some attention. 

“Can I help you?” asked the receptionist. 

“Hi, um, I’m Rey Niima. I just moved here, and I’m not familiar with the campus. I was hoping I could have a map to help find my way around?” As soon as Rey said her name, she saw a glint of familiarity spark in the woman’s eye. Poe must have been running his mouth about her arrival around town. 

“Of course! I can print off a copy of your schedule and get you a map.” She brought several sheets onto the counter to walk through the best routes around campus, and highlighted where each of her classes were on the map. Rey thanked the receptionist and walked out into the breezeway that connected the buildings across a small courtyard. She could see the main student parking lot, and was relieved to see that none of the cars were too flashy. The nicest car in the lot was a blacked out Buick, and it stood out. 

She studied the map during her brief moment of solitude before heading into the fray. _You can do this. Just act like you belong._ It wasn’t like anyone was going to go out of their way to talk to her. Maybe she could slip under the radar. 

She slipped into the English building and found her classroom easily. She slipped into the back of the room, hoping to go unnoticed. It mostly worked, and the professor at the front of the class droned through the syllabus uneventfully. Most of their reading materials were things she’d covered in Advanced Placement classes back home. She thoroughly expected English 111 to be a breeze, so she allowed her mind to wander. 

An hour later, the class was released, and she shuffled out with the rest of the students. Before she could make it into the hallway, she was stopped by a husky guy dressed in a light sweater and jeans. He had a thick beard, and a generally trustworthy face. 

“You’re Rey Niima, aren’t you?” He looked like the overly-helpful nice-guy _milady_ type, but she couldn’t see any malicious intent in his eyes. 

“Yeah,” she said. She felt a few eyes fall on her, and she blushed. 

“What’s your next class?” he asked. 

“Uh, History of the Ancient World at 10:30.” 

“I could show you where it is, if you want?” Definitely over-helpful, but Rey honestly didn’t mind the help. They stepped out into the breezeway, and Rey could swear they were being followed by a small crowd of eavesdroppers. “I’m Snap.” 

“Thanks,” she said with a shy smile. 

“So, this is way different from Jakku, huh?” he asked. 

“Oh, yeah.” She nodded along as if that wasn’t a completely obvious statement. 

“You guys don’t get much rain do you?” 

“I can’t remember the last time, honestly.” 

He studied her face for a moment, and Rey sighed. This conversation was growing tiresome already. Snap walked her right up to the door, even though it was clearly labeled. 

“Well, good luck with today!” He sounded like he didn’t want her to leave, but she pretended not to notice. 

“Thanks for showing me around,” she said and went inside. 

The rest of the morning passed uneventfully. She had one more class before her lunch break, Spanish 110, and everyone was nice. There were a few brave souls who reached out to ask her questions about herself, and introduce themselves to her. No one asked about her accent, which she had picked up in her longest foster home with Mrs. Kanata. She was thankful not to have to explain it. One girl was in her history class, and her Spanish class, and she invited Rey to have lunch with her and some friends at the campus cafe. 

Rey couldn't remember the girl’s name to save her life. In her head she referred to her as _Blonde Becky_ but that definitely wasn’t her name. Regardless, she was nice, and did a good job filling the silence. They grabbed trays of food, Rey opting for a slice of pizza and a bottle of water, and found a table with several of the girl’s friends. She introduced Rey, and immediately she felt accepted. 

Snap was there, so it was good to see a familiar face. The other faces were totally new, but Rey did her best to make conversation. 

It was in that crowded cafe that Rey first saw them. They were sitting across the room in a corner. There were no tables where they were sitting, just cushioned lounge chairs and small bookshelves that made the corner look like a study nook. There were five of them, sitting in a circle chatting with one another. None of them looked in her direction, so she felt safe in her staring. 

They all looked starkly different, and yet so incredibly _the same._ Of the three boys, one was slender and tall with bright orange hair. Another one was smaller, more diminutive in stature, but with a more stately countenance that made up for it. The last was, for lack of a better term, _huge._ He was clearly taller than the rest, with a barrel chest and biceps the size of Rey’s head. His hair was probably the most striking from Rey’s current vantage point. It was thick, and hung to his shoulders with a gentle curl that made her just want to _touch it._

She clenched her thighs together and shook her head, moving her gaze to the two girls in the group. One of them was a tiny Asian girl with black hair and a pleasantly round face. She looked like a pixie, or a fairy that could grant wishes. The other was _tall_ , almost as tall as the Large Guy, with short cropped blonde hair. 

While they all looked so different, they also looked exactly alike. They were all incredibly pale, almost translucent even in the low light of the cafe. They all had shining eyes that seemed to reflect when the light hit them just right. They all looked tired, with dark purplish bruises under their eyes, and a general palor that added to the paleness of their skin. 

Rey couldn’t look away. They were all incredibly, devastatingly, beautiful. She watched as they chattered away with one another, completely mesmerized. 

“Who are they?” she asked Blonde Becky. As the girl looked up to answer her question, he looked up at Rey: the big one, the beautiful one with the black hair and shining eyes. His eyes locked on hers, and Rey’s heart fell into her stomach. Before she could react in any way though, his eyes had flickered away. 

The girl beside her giggled, sharing the embarrassment at being caught staring. 

“The big one is Ben Solo, and the little one is Doph Mitaka. I think Doph’s real name is, like, _Dopheld_ or something like that. Anyway, the blonde and the redhead are Gwen Phasma and Armitage Hux. Armitage goes by Hux, cause who would go by _Armitage_ anyway? The little Asian one is Rose Tico. They all live together with Dr. Organa and her brother Luke.”

She talked loudly as if she knew, or at least _thought_ that they couldn’t hear her. Rey glanced sideways at the beautiful man, who was looking away talking to the others. While Rey was looking, she heard someone call to her neighbor from across the table, and was finally reminded that the girl’s name was Kaydel. 

“They’re very...hot. All of them.” Rey wasn’t above calling it like she saw it. 

“Yes! They totally are. They’re all like _together,_ though. Gwen and Doph, Rose and Hux, I mean. It’s like after high school they just never left home and they just like… _live_ together.” Her voice held a lot of judgement, but Rey had seen her fair share of weird in her life. 

“So, are they related or what?” 

“Oh, they’re not. Dr. Organa is pretty young, and apparently she always had a thing for taking in wayward kids. They’ve all been with her since they were young so they’re adopted. I guess they just kinda stuck around.” She shrugged, and continued eating her lunch as if this was the most normal thing in the world. 

“What do you know about the big one?” 

“Oh, Ben? Yeah, he’s totally gorgeous, of course. But don’t waste your time. He doesn’t date. Apparently none of the girls here are good enough for him.” She sniffed, and it became clear to Rey that this was a huge case of unrequited infatuation. She wondered when he’d snubbed her. 

Rey turned her cheek again, and caught him staring at her with a smoldering gaze. His lip turned up at the corner, in what Rey thought might be the ghost of a smile. The red-headed one, Hux, smacked his arm, and his gaze broke away. The five of them sauntered out of the cafeteria, and Ben didn’t look back at her. 

* * *

Rey made her way into her last class of the day, Biology 101 and surveyed the room. There was only one lab seat available to her, and it was right next to Ben Solo. 

Just as she passed by him to come and sit down, he went rigid in his seat. Where his gaze in the cafe had been curious and borderline flirtatious, it was now hostile. She sat down, conscious of his deeply antagonistic stare. She didn’t look up at him for the entirety of the lecture, but felt his gaze burning intensely into her. 

Throughout the class, he never relaxed. His hands were clenched into fists under the table, and Rey could see the flex of the muscles in his forearm beneath his black shirt. The class dragged on, probably because Rey was already familiar with the material. 

  
She risked another glance at Ben, immediately regretting it. He was glaring down at her, his black eyes shining now with some sort of ravenous hunger. Rey didn’t flinch away from him. Instead she was captured, unable to move her eyes from his and if she just leaned in and touched…

The sounds of books closing broke the spell, and Ben was gone before she could collect her thoughts. She was confused. He’d been a jerk, sure, but he also looked like he was accusing her of something. He looked like she was something he wanted and couldn’t have. Those _eyes…_

Rey didn’t see Ben Solo again that day until she made her way out to her car. He was standing with the others right beside the blacked out Buick, and Rey watched as his back stiffened. He didn’t look at her, but his posture was the same as it had been in the lab. He knew she was close, and he refused to acknowledge it. 

Rey was shivering, shaken, probably a little excessively, from her interaction with Ben. All of the stress of the past few days weighed on her like cement and pushed her into the driver’s seat of her car. She sat, staring blankly out the window for a few moments before cranking up the engine to head back to home. 

She definitely _wasn’t_ crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's car](https://media.ed.edmunds-media.com/honda/civic/1996/oem/1996_honda_civic_coupe_ex_fq_oem_1_500.jpg)   
>  [Ben's car](https://gmauthority.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/Buick-Regal-GNX-Coupe-Rendering-Front-GNX-grille.jpg)   
>  [Rey's outfit for class ](https://pin.it/3pNX6ol)
> 
> Here's the[Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4CZ3MRnW7wTL8nwPxCViLK) I made with a huge help from my good friend kitty_kat128. Check her out on [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittykat128) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kitty_kat128)! 
> 
> Why Ben so mad for???? Find out next chapter!


	2. Be still my foolish heart, don't ruin this on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben visits an old family friend, and we learn a bit about his past. He comes back to Ach-to to face this challenge head-on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been writing up a storm with this one. Be sure to check out the playlist tagged in chapter one, and come visit me on Twitter. 
> 
> I am so glad the Twilight fandom isn't dead. Ugh. 
> 
> Okay, I hope you enjoy!

Ben leaned back against a snowbank, surrounded by rubble. He’d been taking his aggression out on the surrounding boulders and a few trees, but nothing was working. His skin was cool enough to keep the snow frozen around him, so he rested. 

The sky above him was clear, but his thoughts were a clouded swirl of confusion, anger, and some sort of deep interest that he didn’t understand. The stars were beautiful, but all he could see above him were hazel eyes burning back into his. He saw the depth of her fear, her interest, her mutual hunger that was both the same and different from his own. 

He’d been away for a week, and he still hadn’t been able to stop thinking of her. As she’d sat so prettily in that lab seat next to him, he’d thought of so many different ways he could have her. He could have taken her right there, in the middle of the classroom. Her blood would have flowed to his lips, and she wouldn’t have felt a damn thing. That would’ve caused the problem of witnesses, obviously, and he would’ve had to deal with them. 

He had thought better of it though, and resigned himself to wait the hour until class was over so he could lure her into the woods. She would have gone willingly, he knew. Even if he couldn’t hear her thoughts, _a fact which pissed him off endlessly_ , he could read her body language. She found him attractive, if a bit terrifying. He’d kicked that plan as well, keenly aware of the other humans, Snap Wexley for one, that were paying attention to her. The thought had made his blood boil even then. 

Why did he care so much what some mortal boy thought of her? He was a predator, and she was his intended prey. In the moment, he had been able to shake himself free of this _human_ infatuation and focus on his baser animal desires. Now, though, he had all the time in the world to think about those hazel eyes, the dark curtain of her hair, the way her breath had quickened when she’d looked at him…

He heard the approaching thoughts before he heard the unhurried footsteps that accompanied them. Of course Ahsoka would have followed him here. This _was_ her land after all. 

“Are you done destroying my property, Solo?” 

“We’ll see how I feel in an hour.” 

Ahsoka stepped in front of him, staring down at his forlorn body laying in the snow. Her ebony skin shone in the moonlight, but the most prominent feature right now was the raised eyebrow on her face, accompanied by her hands expectantly resting on her hips. 

_What’s your deal, kid?_ she thought. 

“Honestly, I’d rather not talk about it.” Ben wouldn’t meet her eyes. He knew she’d pry it out of him if he did. 

“I bet I can guess.” He could practically hear her eyebrows raise. 

“Maybe.” 

Ahsoka sat down in the snow, refusing to take her eyes off of him. She was hell bent on getting him to open up. “You’re struggling with the transition.” 

Ben thought of the dull taste of deer’s blood and cringed. “Who wouldn’t?” 

She chuckled at him. “Anyone would struggle to put down human blood for animal blood, but you’re new at this. And you’re Anakin’s grandson. The penchant for masochism runs in the family.” 

Ben smiled ruefully. “Apparently that’s not all that runs in the family.” Almost everyone in his family had been turned into a monster, thanks to his grandfather. There had only been two exceptions. 

“You know your grandfather did what he thought was right, bringing your mom and uncle over. It may have been… a questionable choice, but they would have been killed otherwise. You know that.” His mother and uncle had found out about their father’s transition after the death of their mother, Padme. The First Order had wanted their heads for this knowledge, and Anakin’s last act of defiance was to bring them into immortality. He’d paid for their lives with his own. 

“Yeah? And what’s mom’s excuse?” 

Ahsoka rolled her eyes. “Did you _want_ to die of influenza?” 

Ben had been on his deathbed when his mother had come in like an angel to rescue him. Still, “It would have been better for everyone if I had.”

_Oh, for Christ’s sake._ “Now you _really_ sound like Anakin.” 

“I wouldn’t have killed all those people.” Rey would be safe, and he wouldn’t be faced with this temptation. 

He felt Ahsoka’s hand rest on his forearm, attempting to comfort him. “You messed up, Ben. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to make your grandfather’s mistakes. You have to let that shit go. You made a choice; stick to it.” 

Ben sighed. “Yeah, I know.” 

_So you’re going back home?_

“I...think so. I haven’t figured it all out yet. I might need to smash a few more trees first.” He smiled wryly at her and winked, eliciting a snort. 

“Yeah, and then you’ll go back and face your shit head-on. Cowardice is one thing that _doesn’t_ run in the family.” She stood to leave, offering him one last glance. 

Ben finally met her eyes with a genuine shy smile. “Thanks Snips. I needed to hear that.” 

“Yeah, don’t mention it. Just try not to kill the entire Alaskan wilderness while you’re out here, yeah?” 

Ben snorted. “I’ll do my best.” 

Ahsoka smiled at him and turned to run back through the snow. She didn’t look back, and Ben envied that about her. She had always been one to look forward, never dwelling on the past or anything negative for too long. She’d taken immortality in stride, alongside his mother and uncle just before his grandfather had been killed by The First Order. Her confidence gave him some semblance of the assurance that had been eluding him. 

Ben put his chin on his knees and stared up at the sky again. He knew then without a doubt that he would go back, and was suddenly anxious to move. He knew that Rose would see him coming home, and that his mother would be standing at the door waiting for him. It would make her happy to have him home, and that was almost enough reason to come back all on its own. 

His mother had been a saint through his transition back from The First Order. She’d welcomed him in with open arms regardless of the horrible things he had done, and it felt like an insult to stay away from her too long. 

Despite all of this, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, hoping to see something behind them besides hazel eyes and freckles. It didn’t work. He was reminded again that she wanted him, just like he wanted her. Only, her wanting wouldn’t end up with her dead… at least not in her presumptive fantasies. 

Of course, he couldn’t be sure what she was thinking. He couldn’t hear her thoughts, but he could _smell_ her delicious blood and hear how it hammered through her when their eyes locked. Ben gave up on the stars, his thoughts turning only to Rey and his deep desire to be close to her, battling with the knowledge that he _needed_ to keep his distance. 

Ben stood up in the snow, resolute in his decision. Without a second thought, he turned and ran back towards his car. 

  
He didn’t smash any more trees. 

* * *

“It’s going to be _fine._ ” Rose’s eyes were glazed over and Hux was guiding her through the door as they walked into the cafe. Phasma and Doph led the way, Phas with her ridiculous puffed up chest looking like a bodyguard ready to tackle the first human that came to close, and Doph being hypervigilant behind her. 

“Of course it is. I’m not a child.” They were all being absolutely ridiculous. Ben wasn’t going to kill the girl, especially not in the middle of the crowded campus cafe. If Ben wasn’t positive that he could handle human interaction, he would have stayed away. 

The others had taken great care to treat the morning as if nothing were unusual. They’d had a ridiculous snowball fight in the parking lot, ending with Phasma’s short blonde hair slicked back from her face, and Rose smiling in triumph. 

Rose wasn’t smiling now. She was concentrating. “If we sit where we normally do, she won’t be downwind from us.” 

“Seriously? We’re sitting in our normal spot regardless. End of discussion. You’re all being incredibly irritating.” His voice was scathing. He had had enough of their doting. 

“My deepest apologies for trying to avoid a scene, _Benjamin._ ” 

He wasn’t going to kill Rey; he knew that. He wanted so much more from her, and maybe that was the dangerous part. Ben glanced over at Hux, who was still attached to Rose’s arm. His eyes twinkled and he smiled a little in solidarity. 

_Annoying being the liability, isn’t it?_

Ben twitched an eyebrow at him and smirked in acknowledgement. 

The cafe was warm, a balm against the coldness of his skin. Only a week ago, the entire campus had seemed dull and lifeless. Today, his nerves were being stretched tight, like a freshly tuned instrument. He was aware of every thought, every pulse of blood, every movement of the heated air against his skin. He kept his sense of smell locked down, refusing to breathe the air that might carry her scent to him and send him into a frenzy. 

He scanned the thoughts of the surrounding humans, and found absolutely nothing of note. He’d expected the girl to have told _someone_ about his odd behavior the week prior. 

“Anything new?” Hux asked. 

Ben concentrated, allowing the swarm of thoughts surrounding him to flood his mind. 

“Nothing. She must not have said anything.” 

His siblings seemed shocked at this news. 

“Maybe you’re not as scary as you think you are,” Doph said with a smirk. “I probably could’ve frightened her better than _that.”_

“That’s because you’re small and creepy, Doph.” 

“Exactly.” 

“She’s coming in,” Rose muttered. “Just… act human? I guess?”

Right at that moment, Hux pelted her with a snowball that he’d snuck in from the courtyard. She sputtered and punched him on the arm, eliciting a laugh from the rest of the surrounding vampires. Even Ben was prompted into laughter at the look on her face. It was absolutely priceless. 

Ben was pulled from his laughter when he smelled her. He’d been distracted, not thinking to close his sense of smell off again. This time though, he wasn’t completely overtaken with bloodlust. His animal instincts remained calm, giving him enough clarity to pick through the thoughts of the humans that surrounded her. 

Snap Wexley was walking with Rey and Kaydel, and his thoughts made Ben cringe. They were distasteful, obsessive almost. Ben wanted to punch him. He saw Rey through the eyes of the students around her, and she looked even paler than usual. Was she unwell? 

Why did he care?

“Relax, Ben,” Doph said. “Honestly, so you kill one human girl. That’s hardly the end of the world. We all fall off the wagon eventually.” 

“You’re not helping,” Ben seethed. 

“You’ve got to learn to let things go. You went through some shit. You fucked up. It happens. You’ll get over this too.” 

Rose shoved him off the stool he was perched on. 

“Really? We’re shoving now?” His tone was joking, and Rose couldn’t stifle her laughter any more. The moment was perfect, and Ben could see in Rose’s mind that she’d planned this moment exactly. When Rey looked over, she saw them all acting completely normal and having a good time together as if nothing was amiss. Rose was good at deception. 

Ben turned his eyes and looked at Rey. She was staring at them again, and Ben felt Kaydel’s distaste immediately. _Jealousy._ Ben smirked, and winked. Rey’s immediate flush was tantalizing, and she tilted her head at him in question. 

_Ben, stop it. You’re playing with fire and you know it._ Phasma’s glare accompanied her thoughts, and Ben ignored her. 

But she was so fucking _pretty._ He’d never taken notice of a woman this way, even in his mortal life. Something about her was completely beguiling, and he was having a hard time denying it. He chuckled and broke eye contact with her. He knew she was curious, and that was enough for now. 

Realistically though, Ben knew Phasma was right. He should stay away from her. He should keep his distance and not tempt himself with the warm pulse of her blood sitting right next to him in class. 

As a family, they’d discussed this choice from every angle. Luke disapproved of the risk entirely, but he knew better than to impose his will over Ben’s. Ben would do whatever he wanted to anyway. Hux had disapproved nearly as much, and Phasma had worried about how it would affect their lives here in Ach-to. Rose was seeing so many different scenarios that she couldn’t possibly be helpful. Leia trusted Ben implicitly, though he didn’t understand why. 

“I… I think you’re fine. You’ll make it through the class.”

But Rose knew how quickly his mind could change, how impulsive Ben could be. 

“Why push it? Go home. Take your time.” Hux was nearly pleading with him, but Ben could hear the smug tone of his thoughts. He was thankful to not be the only weak one anymore. 

“No. I’m going.” Ben’s mind was made up. He had to see Rey, and he knew he wouldn’t kill her. 

Phasma still wasn’t convinced. “If we have to move because of your dumbass, I’ll punch you in the throat.” 

Ben laughed. “And I’ll welcome it with open arms, Phas.” 

* * *

The girl sat at their lab table, having beaten him to class. She had her nose buried in a book and her fingers of her left hand twiddled with her hair absently. There was a crease between her eyebrows as she concentrated on the words on the page. Ben wanted to kiss it. 

Where had that thought come from? Ben scowled, and shook his head, walking towards the lab table and plastering a polite smile on his face. 

He sauntered up to the table, and pulled out the chair with a slight scrape. Rey’s eyes didn’t move from the book, but he noticed her slight shift in posture. She tensed, leaning away from him slightly, and kept her attention on the page. 

Why wouldn’t she look at him? She must have been afraid, or just nervous. He wanted to leave a different impression this time. He wanted her to yearn the way he did.

“Hey,” he said in a quiet cajoling voice. He felt like he was talking to a little deer that was about to take off running before he could pounce. 

She looked up then, the crease in her brow deepening. Her eyes struck him again, like a punch to the stomach. There was so much depth of color in them, like the mossy green of the forests surrounding Ach-to. They radiated tranquility, and a deep sadness that Ben longed to understand. He remembered the previous week when he’d been so _angry_ at her for simply existing and disrupting his own illusion of peace. He couldn’t fathom hating her now. 

Her cheeks flushed, and he realized he’d been holding her gaze for an unnerving length of time. He didn’t break eye contact, but his smile grew from politeness to genuine mirth upon the realization. 

“I’m Ben Solo,” he told her, even though he knew she knew that already. “I didn’t introduce myself last week. You must be Rey.” 

The crease on her forehead still hadn’t eased as she stared at him in confusion. She huffed, and broke their eye contact. 

“Funny, you didn’t seem too eager to speak last week.” Ben probably should’ve been put off by her confrontation, but he wasn’t. Quite the opposite in fact. 

Still, he felt guilty for the way he’d acted. “Yeah, um, sorry about that. I wasn’t feeling well. That’s why I was gone for a bit.” 

She hummed noncommittally, refusing to buy his weak excuses. Shit. Ben shifted in his seat, turning his attention to the front of the room where the professor had begun explaining their lab. His eyes drifted to her, and watched as her hands clasped together on the table top, clenching and unclenching. Her toes bounced on the rung of the lab stool, and her cheeks remained flushed. 

So she wasn’t unaffected after all. 

His gaze wandered down to the book that rested beside her clenched hands. It was small, worn, and clearly very old. The words _Interview with the Vampire_ were emblazoned across the front, and Ben had to fight to hold back a snort. How ironic. 

The professor droned on, explaining the intensely basic lab to the classroom full of college freshmen. Ben contemplated how he was going to go about sharing this space with her without doing something totally stupid. He hadn’t breathed in awhile, and if he was going to continue speaking to her then he would have to. 

He leaned away from her, angling his head to the window beside him in an attempt to get some fresh air. He took a deep breath, relishing the burn of her scent in his lungs. Smelling her, burning for her, all meant she was alive. It meant he was succeeding and the pain was worth it. He gritted his teeth, willing his fangs to stay in place and his breathing to even out. 

The professor signaled for them to begin, and Ben only panicked for a moment. It took every ounce of control he’d developed in the past decade of his new lifestyle, but he managed to turn back to Rey and smile. 

“Ladies first?” He turned on the charm, hoping to win back her attention. 

She looked up at him, and her expression went blank. Her face flushed again, and Ben heard her heartbeat pick back up. She schooled her expression quickly into a mask of politeness. 

“Yeah, sure.” She reached for the microscope, and examined the pre-loaded slide briefly, and Ben watched her. 

“Prophase,” she stated, before reaching to switch out the slide. 

“Do you mind if I take a look?” He reached out to stop her hand from grabbing the new slide, and instantly knew it was a mistake. Her skin was like satin, but electricity hid beneath it. She pulled away as if he’d shocked her. 

“Sorry,” he muttered. His hands were cold. He should’ve thought about that. He pulled the microscope over and checked the slide. She was right. 

“Prophase,” he said.

“Yeah. I know.” Ben looked up and saw her eyebrow raised in humored annoyance. He smiled shyly before neatly writing the answer on the sheet of paper they’d been given. He switched out the slide and checked it, writing “Anaphase” on the paper. 

“Do you mind if I check before you write the answer down?” Her eyebrow was still raised. He knew he’d mildly offended her, but he couldn’t help but find her funny. 

Ben snorted a chuckle, handing her the microscope.

They continued like this, quickly finishing the assignment well before the other students in the class. He listened to the thoughts of the humans around them while they worked quietly. 

_Wish he would just fuck off and keep his eyes to himself..._ he overheard coming from Snap. He hadn’t realized the guy harbored so much ill-will towards him, but then it dawned on him that it all came back to _her_. Well, the feeling was mutual. 

Ben looked down at Rey and watched her work. She really was quite beautiful. She wore a pair of dark green, jogger-style jeans paired with a loose denim shirt. She had her hair tied up in a half-bun, pulling it out of her face and exposing the delicate line of her jaw. She had an adorable upturned nose that was covered in freckles, and sweet blushing cheeks.

Ben was caught staring when Rey turned her head and met his gaze. 

“Did you need something?” She asked with a smile. 

“No, I’m fine.” 

“Hmm…” she said, returning her gaze to the microscope. She wrote the final answer down on the sheet and slid it over to Ben. They had finished the lab in nearly half of the allotted time, so clearly she was intelligent for a human. 

She picked her book back up, opening to the page where she left off. He wanted to ask her about the book. 

Fuck it. “What are your thoughts on Lestat?” 

She looked up so quickly, Ben thought her neck might snap. “You’ve read _Interview?”_

He smiled goodnaturedly. Hopefully this would be an easy way to earn her trust. “Yeah, the whole series actually.” Her eyes twinkled, and Ben couldn’t look away. He was totally captured by her enthusiasm. 

“Me too. Lestat is actually my favorite character.” She grinned sheepishly, dog earring her page and putting the book down. 

Seriously? That shocked him, admittedly. “You don’t think he’s a complete ass?” 

Her shy smile was intensified by the blush that crept across her cheeks. “I don’t, actually. I think he uses his humor to mask his anger. He’s… kind of like a child, in that way. He was abandoned, left behind, and forced to figure life out on his own. He’s just dealing with the hand he’s been dealt, I guess.” She feigned casualty, shrugging and looking away from Ben. She had clearly thought a lot about this particular subject. 

Ben pushed a little farther, leaning into her space, caught in her orbit. “And is that what you’re doing? Dealing with the hand you’ve been dealt? I’d assume that’s the only way someone ends up in Ach-to, Washington.” He smiled, attempting to disarm her and inspire vulnerability. 

“In a way, I guess. It’s too bad about the snow.” She was deflecting. He’d allow it. 

“You like the cold?” 

She shrugged again, bringing her hands to twiddle in her lap. “It’s different. I grew up in the desert.” Ah, that explained the tan skin, and those _freckles_ . _But how did you get here, little doe?_

“How did you end up here, then?” 

“Well, I graduated from high school and just... left.” She met his eyes then, continuing to feign casualty. 

Ben felt his brow crinkle in confusion. Most teenagers didn’t just… leave. She had to have some kind of tie to that place, right? “Your parents must miss you.” 

Rey scoffed, turning from him and closing her body language once again. “I don’t have any to speak of, so I don’t think that’s a problem.” 

Fuck. He was being an ass again, and speaking from a place of enormous privilege. “Oh, I’m sorry.” 

Rey’s eyes flickered up to him again, and she twirled her hair absently. “It’s fine. Just...it’s...complicated.” 

“I think I can keep up,” he insisted. It probably went beyond polite convention, but he wanted so badly to _know_ her. Rey turned her body slightly towards him in her lab stool, clapping her hands together to signal that her story was about to commence. Ben angled himself as well, showing her that he was listening. 

“Okay, so I grew up in foster care. Poe was my foster brother for a while, until our foster mom, Maz, passed away from cancer. Poe and I stayed close though. He moved up here, and I followed once I graduated.” She said it simply, as if her life choices were the only ones that made sense.

“Was it just the allure of the weather, or something else for you?” 

Rey laughed at that. “I wanted somewhere to call home, I guess. Poe was the closest thing I had. Jakku was a wasteland. Nothing grew there. Everything here is green, and full of life. It’s refreshing.” Her eyes twinkled when she talked about nature, and the color green. Ben’s heart thudded in his chest… figuratively. 

“Yeah, I guess it is actually,” Ben acknowledged. But there was more. “That doesn’t explain why you’re so unhappy.” 

Rey’s brow creased and she pulled back just a little. “What makes you think I’m unhappy?” She was immediately defensive again. 

Ben shrugged. “Just a feeling.” 

Rey’s nose scrunched, something she seemed to do when she was deep in thought. “Happiness is… not an idea I’ve ever really had time to entertain. It’s unsettling, I guess.” 

Ben’s heart ached… again, figuratively. He’d never wished for a heartbeat more than he did at this moment. He wanted to be able to truly ache for her. “You didn’t have time to think about what made you happy? That doesn’t seem fair.” 

“Tell that to the rest of the kids in the foster system,” she snapped. Ben immediately felt like an idiot, but Rey forgave quickly. “Sorry. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. Anyway, that’s all.” She clapped her hands together again and set them on the lab table, signaling the end of her story. 

Ben leaned towards her, holding her gaze. “You put on a good show, but I’d be willing to bet you’re struggling more than you let anyone see.” She made a face, the same one she’d made when he called her out on being unhappy. It was clear that she didn’t want anyone to be privy to her pain. 

“Maybe. It’s hard not to feel alone in a place like this.” Her voice had grown soft, and Ben couldn’t hold back anymore. 

  
He moved his hand slowly, and placed it over hers on the table. The same electric shock shot through him, but he expected it this time. It warmed him all over. “You’re not alone.” 

She stared at their hands, not moving hers from beneath his. Her gaze went back to his, and she responded softly, “Neither are you.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth though, the walls were back up. She didn’t move her hand, but she shifted her shoulders away from him, and pulled back. 

“Am I bothering you?” Ben asked lightly. He knew the moment was too intimate for their current setting, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself from comforting her. 

She shook her head. “No, I just… sorry. I’m not usually so easy to read.”

“Funny. I find you extraordinarily difficult to read.” 

“You must be one smart cookie then,” she said. Ben could tell she was trying to lighten the mood, but the damage was done. His heart had exploded all over the floor, and he had no desire to clean up the mess. 

“Usually,” he said, with a light attempt at humor. He smiled at her widely then, and he knew his fangs were longer than they should have been to pull off the ruse. Her body was close to his. She’d never pulled her hand away from his, and it scorched under his palm. She should be recoiling instinctively, pulling away from the animal that could so quickly jump to the surface. 

He didn’t have time to wonder, as the professor pulled the class’s attention back to the front of the room. Ben was fucked. Absolutely, positively, fucked. He couldn’t afford to be this interested in her, but he couldn’t stop. He didn’t _want_ to stop. 

Rey still hadn’t pulled her hand away from his, though her eyes were focused on the front of the room. She tossed her hair in his direction, trailing her scent to his nostrils, and Ben almost lost it. 

The scorching pain of the burning cut through his nostrils to his throat, and he felt his fangs distend in his mouth. He gently, as gently as he could, pulled his hand from hers and ran it through his own hair, attempting to soften the blow of its removal. Rey’s shoulders fell just slightly, but she didn’t acknowledge the change beyond that. 

When the professor released class, Ben bolted. He knew he’d probably hurt Rey’s feelings but that was so much better than hurting _Rey._

Phasma waited for him outside in the courtyard. _How did it go?_

“No one died,” Ben said. 

_Call it a success then. Rose was freaked out, but I knew you could do it._ She flashed Rose’s vision in her mind, and Ben almost stopped in his tracks. 

“I didn’t even… I didn’t realize it was that close.” 

Hux and Rose popped up behind them, and eventually Doph fell into step as well. 

“You’re eventually going to fuck her or kill her. This is like that game, ya know? Fuck, marry, kill? Except maybe you’ll get to do _at least_ two of the three.” Hux’s snickering accompanied his comment and grated on Ben’s nerves. He balled his fists. 

“I swear to god Hux, if you don’t shut the fuck up…” 

Rose chimed in, attempting to reign in his rage. Her voice was laced with concern. “Honestly, Ben… he’s not wrong. The future is so muddy. I can’t make it out.” 

They arrived at Ben’s car, and instead of getting inside immediately, he leaned against it. He wasn’t sure why he did it, honestly. He just knew he wanted to see her one more time. 

He watched her walk out into the parking lot, and to her car: a tiny Honda Civic painted cherry red. Fitting. He watched her huddle under her heavy rain coat, sloshing in the melted snow with chunky combat boots on her feet. She was so adorably grumpy. 

_You’ve got it bad, bro,_ Doph thought at him. Ben ignored him. 

Rey met Ben’s eyes as she backed out of her parking spot, staring back for only half a second. She was confused, maybe a little hurt, but still clearly as gone for him as he was for her. _Oh, little doe. One step at a time._

Ben smiled, chuckling to himself as she turned and drove away. Masochism ran in the family, and Ben was no exception. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're heating up a little more quickly than our OG Bella and Edward. Just be patient :)
> 
> Also, if you haven't read Interview with the Vampire, what are you even doing?


	3. i will not ask and neither should you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is put in a life or death situation, and Ben is there to yank her out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are back to Rey's POV! 
> 
> I've been trying to alternate between them just to stretch my wings a little bit. Enjoy! 
> 
> I realized I forgot to do this so:  
> Chapter 1 title is from "IDK You Yet" by Alexander 23   
> Chapter 2 title is from "Almost (Sweet Music)" by Hozier   
> Chapter 3 title is from "Like Real People Do" by Hozier

When Rey woke the next morning, the snow was back. All of the slush from the previous day had frozen over to create a veritable winter wonderland outside. The ice would be a little dangerous, but that didn’t matter. It was  _ snow _ , something Rey had only ever seen on television until yesterday. 

A fine layer of snow covered her car, and the pine needles in the surrounding trees glittered in the small amount of sunlight trickling through the clouds. She dressed in a hurry, donning a heavy jacket and boots with her jeans and sweatshirt combo. Poe was already gone when she made it downstairs, and she was immediately disappointed. She hated being alone. 

Thankfully, she wouldn’t be alone for long. She had class soon, and she knew she would see Ben Solo. It was silly, probably, for her to be excited to see him. He’d been so… odd, in their interaction the previous day. She should probably be avoiding him since he’d bolted after her unanticipated emotional candor. 

She should have just kept her fat mouth shut. It would have saved her the embarrassment. She took her time walking out to her car, being sure not to slip on the ice. By some miracle, she made it to the car unscathed. She stopped for coffee, savoring the steamed milk and caffeine as it warmed her bones. 

Her car didn’t have any problems with the black ice that covered the side roads leading to the school. These hadn’t been salted yet, and were still treacherous, but she didn’t even slide on the ice. 

When she got out of her truck at the school, something shiny caught her eye. She bent down slightly to examine her tires, and noticed tiny chains crisscrossed across them. Poe had gotten up before work to put snow chains on her car, and suddenly Rey’s vision was growing blurry. She wasn’t used to being cared for, and something about it made her stomach clench. 

She was standing beside her car, bent over a little at the waist and trying to collect her thoughts when she heard it coming. It was a high pitched screech, coming from her right side, and it was coming closer  _ very _ quickly. She looked up, and saw several things happen simultaneously. 

She saw Ben Solo staring at her from across the parking lot, a horrified look on his face. His face stood out among the small sea of faces that crowded the parking lot, staring at her in shock. More importantly, there was a  _ fucking truck heading right for her.  _

Its brakes were locked, tires squealing against the iced over pavement and it was careening directly towards her. She had time to watch, but had no time to react. She stood, frozen as the truck careened into her car, sandwiching her between them. 

  
Except, it didn’t. Something smashed into her, knocking her to the ground half a second before the impact. Her head cracked against the pavement, and she registered the shape of a person, a  _ large  _ person, pinning her to the pavement. She didn’t have time to dwell on that, because the truck was spinning and about to collide with her again.

A muttered “ _ shit”  _ brought her awareness to the presence looming over her, and it was impossible not to recognize that voice. One alabaster hand shot out in front of her, while the other cradled her against the immovable slab of marble above her. There was a dent left in the truck, and Rey was having trouble comprehending literally  _ anything _ that was happening. 

His hands moved impossibly fast, shifting the van from underneath and swinging her legs out and around until they were out of the way. A groaning thud sounded as the truck settled to the concrete exactly where her head had been only moments ago. Rey’s ears were ringing, and a silence enveloped her as she looked up to see Ben’s eyes scanning her face. She was still pressed against his chest and  _ oh fuck he smelled good.  _

How could she possibly be thinking about that when her life had just been in danger? It had to be the adrenaline. Sound came flooding back to her and she heard the screaming. The cacophony of shouts was drowned out by Ben’s voice in her ear. 

“Rey, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine… I think…” Her voice sounded strange to her own ears. She suddenly became aware of wetness on her face and realized she was crying. Her body was reacting to the shock while her brain was still trying to catch up. She tried to sit up, adjusting her tailbone on the ground to take back some of her own weight. She couldn’t do anything but wiggle though, because Ben’s arm was still locked around her waist holding her against him. 

“Slow down. I think you hit your head pretty hard.” 

“Shit…” 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He laughed, and Rey couldn’t ignore the relief she heard in his voice. She was thankful he’d been there to help her, but how...

“How the fuck did you get over here so fast?”

“I was standing right next to you, Rey. I walked over while you had your back turned.” His tone had shifted to something serious, all hints of playfulness evaporated. 

Rey squirmed in his grasp again, and this time he let her go. He didn’t pull far away, and Rey did her best to clear her head despite the distraction of his closeness.  _ No _ . He had been standing across the parking lot. They’d made eye contact. 

Rey opened her mouth to speak, but the mob of concerned onlookers had found them. She was pulled into the chaos immediately. 

“Don’t move!” one of the voices instructed. 

“Someone get Sam out of the truck!” came another shout. 

Rey tried to stand up. She could take care of herself. She didn’t need all of this attention. 

“Just sit down, please.” Ben’s hand was resting on her arm. 

“It’s freezing down here. I’m fine.” Ben chuckled under his breath, and muttered something that Rey couldn’t hear. “You were over there by your car.” 

“No, I wasn’t.” His face had turned to stone. 

Rey wasn’t intimidated. “Why are you lying to me?” 

Ben’s eyes bored into hers, and it was like he just  _ knew _ his eyes made her weak. His eyes squinted just a little, as if he was trying to convey some deeper meaning to her. “Rey, I was standing with you, and I pushed you out of the way.” 

“No, you weren’t.” Her jaw was set, and she returned his glare just as forcefully. 

Ben rolled his eyes, sighing and running a hand through his hair. “Please just… drop it.” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Ben sat back and looked around, fighting with himself. “Later, then?” It was the only concession he was going to give, and Rey knew that. 

“Fine.” she snapped. 

It took a team of EMTs and a few professors to push the truck far enough away to bring the stretcher in for Rey. Ben vehemently refused the attention, and Rey tried to do the same, but to be honest her head  _ hurt. _

She begrudgingly allowed them to put on the neck brace as the entire student body of Ach-to Community College watched. Ben rode in the back with her, but there were too many people back there with them for them to be able to have any sort of conversation. 

They rode in silence to the hospital, but Ben’s eyes never left her. He seemed convinced that something was wrong with her, that if he took his eyes off of her she would lose consciousness or break into convulsions. 

Rey’s thoughts wandered. Ben had absolutely been standing across the parking lot. Her mind flitted through the images of what transpired: the dent in the side of the truck shaped like Ben’s hand, Ben’s strong arms locked around her, the eyes of Ben’s family locked onto them with expressions ranging from disapproval to joy. There was no logical explanation for what had transpired in that moment, and it was maddening. 

What was even more maddening, and borderline infuriating, was the confident way Ben walked into the hospital in front of her stretcher, acting like he owned the place. His broad shoulders took up so much space, it was like he owned every room he entered. He was infuriating. 

Rey was placed in the emergency room, and immediately flocked by nurses on either side. Ben stood behind her head acting like some kind of misplaced bodyguard. She pulled off the neck brace as soon as the nurses were finished, and Ben looked at her disapprovingly, but didn’t stop her. 

There was another flurry beside her, and Rey saw the boy in the truck, Sam, being brought in on another stretcher. He looked terrible, but he was very much conscious. 

“Rey, holy shit, I’m so sorry!” Sam’s voice was frantic and babbling, probably from the shock. 

“I’m fine, Sam. Really. Are you okay?” The nurses were unwinding his bandages, and the cuts on his head looked terrible. 

His babbling continued. “I thought I was going to hit you. How did you get out of the way?”

“Oh, uh, Ben pulled me out of the way.” Rey gestured to Ben, who still stood behind her protectively. He finally moved, shifting to the foot of her bed so he could look at her. 

“Solo? Dude, I didn’t even see you. It all happened so fast. I’m so sorry.” Sam was still babbling when Ben put his hand up to stop him.

“No one died. It’s all good,” he said goodnaturedly. Rey did her best to glare at him suspiciously, but he was so damn  _ cute _ she had a hard time. He flashed his brilliant smile at her and her heart skipped a beat. “I think I might be able to spring you out of here. There’s the doctor.” He nodded his head to her right, still keeping his arms crossed over his chest. 

The doctor in question was… also gorgeous. She had brilliant brown eyes and hair that shined under the harsh hospital lights. Her pale skin reminded Rey of Ben’s. She was short, but only in stature. Her presence filled up the room the way Rey only ever remembered one person doing. She realized then that she was looking at Ben’s adopted mother. 

“So, Miss Niima,” Dr. Organa said in a smooth voice, “how’s your head?” 

“I’m totally fine. I just want to go home.” Rey was exasperated, but doing everything she could to remain polite. 

“Your blood pressure and vitals look good. You don’t have any signs of a concussion.” The doctor’s gentle hands reached over to probe at her skull, and Rey hissed when she hit a tender spot. 

“Sore?” 

“It’s not that bad.” Rey heard a scoff, and looked over to see Ben’s patronizing eyes looking back at her. 

“Well, your brother is out in the waiting room. You can go home with him, but if you feel dizzy or have any trouble with your eyesight, you need to come back in right away.” 

Rey groaned, desperately wanting to avoid Poe’s doting attention. He’d go over the top, and she just didn’t want that. “Can I just go back to class? I can still make my afternoon lab.” 

“No, sorry, hun. You need to take it easy today and rest your head.” 

“Is  _ he _ going back to class?” She narrowed her eyes at Ben, who grinned smugly at her. 

“Someone has to make sure the whole town knows you survived.” 

“Actually,” Dr. Organa said absently, “I think most of the town is in the waiting room right now.” 

“Shit,” Rey groaned, covering her face with her hands. 

Dr. Organa raised her eyebrows.“Do you want to hunker down here?” she asked, her voice laced with humor. 

Rey shook her head immediately. “No, I’m good. I want to go home.”  _ And talk to your son alone.  _

Dr. Organa marked a few more things on Rey’s chart before handing her the release papers. “You got extremely lucky out there.” 

“Yeah. Lucky Ben was standing  _ right next to me _ , huh?” She tilted her head, fixing her gaze on Ben who glared back at her. 

“Huh. Yeah, for sure,” the doctor said, suddenly preoccupied with the papers in front of her. She glanced over at Ben, and that was when Rey knew: Dr. Organa knew Ben’s secret. 

As soon as the doctor’s back was turned, Rey stood up from the hospital bed and grabbed Ben’s arm, pulling him out into the main hallway with her. “We need to talk.” 

He yanked his arm out of her hold, glaring down at her. “Your brother is waiting for you,” he said through clenched teeth. 

She bristled at that. “Excuse me. I am not beholden to my  _ brother _ . He can wait. You owe me an explanation.” 

“Last I checked, I just saved your life. I don’t owe you anything.” He sounded annoyed at first, but now he was being outright hostile. She refused to back down. 

“You told me you would explain later. It’s later.” 

“What do you want from me?” 

“I want to know the truth.” 

“What the hell do you  _ think _ happened?” 

“I  _ know _ that you were standing across the parking lot, and then suddenly you weren’t. I  _ know _ that you pushed me out of the way, and held me there until help came. I  _ know _ that the shape of your hand was  _ indented into the side of the truck. _ ” Her voice had transitioned into a whispered hiss by the end of her rant, and she felt tears come to her eyes. She was so angry, and being angry only made her cry. 

“You think I stopped a truck with my hand?” 

“I know what I saw.” 

“No one will believe you, you know.” The words rang in Rey’s head and a vision flashed through her mind in the blink of an eye.

_ Rey was 6 years old again, trembling behind closed doors. A raspy voice right beside her ear made her shiver even harder. “This will be our little secret, kid.” Slimy hands on her arms. “Don’t tell anyone.” The stench of onion breath in her face. “No one would believe you, you know.”  _

Rey shook her head, blinking away the tears that came to her eyes. “Who gives a shit?  _ I  _ would know.” She was good at keeping secrets. 

Ben’s brow creased in confusion. “Can’t you just say ‘thank you’ and move on?”

“Thank you.” Regardless of her anger, she was still thankful to be alive, and there was no one to thank but him. 

Ben crossed his arms across his chest again. “You’re not going to let this go, are you?” 

“Nope.” Rey let her lips pop on the “p” and crossed her own arms, standing her ground. 

Ben laughed out loud at that, and ran a hand through his hair. The sigh he released was one of exasperation. “Well, I hope you have fun figuring it out, little doe.” He shook his head again, and turned away from her. 

Rey stood alone in the hallway reeling. Yesterday, he’d said she wasn’t alone. Why did she feel so intensely alone then? Why was he treating her this way? She felt the tears that had been threatening to spill over since the accident begin to fall down her cheeks, and she hated them. 

She angrily swiped her hand across her face, wiping them away as she trudged to the end of the hallway to the exit. Upon opening the doors, she was immediately met with a barrage of people. Poe rushed to her side, examining her and asking questions. 

“I’m fine. I don’t even have a concussion.” 

Poe wasn’t convinced. “Is that what the doctor said?” 

“Yeah, Dr. Organa said I’m fine. Can we go, please?” She knew she should probably stay and check in with her friends, but she suddenly felt exhausted. She couldn’t do it. 

Rey and Poe traveled home in silence. Rey was so wrapped up in her thoughts of Ben Solo that she honestly couldn’t bring herself to speak. She was convinced that Ben’s defensive behavior was some sort of mask, and that she absolutely wasn’t crazy. 

Poe made soup for dinner that night, probably in the hopes that it would thaw Rey out of her nearly catatonic state. She sat on the couch with him, and watched reruns of  _ Project Runway _ to pass the time until it was an acceptable time for her to go to bed. 

She lay awake for a while, staring at the ceiling and thinking of whiskey colored eyes staring down at her as she was pressed against a marble chest. 

He’d called her  _ little doe.  _ If she was the doe, what did that make him?

That was the first night she dreamed of Ben Solo. 

_ Ben stood at the edge of the woods, barely within her field of vision. His shirtless back was facing her and he was walking away too quickly for her to catch up. He stopped in the middle of a clearing in the trees and turned to look at her. She was close now, and when she looked into his eyes, all she saw was black.  _

Rey woke up crying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you like it? Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kayla_248)
> 
> Check out the [Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4CZ3MRnW7wTL8nwPxCViLK) to hear the songs that inspired this little brain child.


	4. I will do you no harm, I will try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben faces the consequences of his actions and has to reckon with his possible future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song title from "Wide-Eyed" by Cold Weather Company 
> 
> Another Ben POV. Let's goooo!

Ben walked out the hospital doors taking off at a sprint to his mother’s car as soon as he was out of view. He knew he should go to his afternoon classes, but he just didn’t have it in him to deal with people anymore. 

He hated lying to Rey. Everything in his body rebelled against it, but he knew he had to. He had to keep her safe. He kept remembering the shock in her eyes as she hit the ground, the look of deep betrayal in them when he turned on her in the hospital, and the way they twinkled with defiance when he tried to lie to her. He didn’t know how long the ruse was going to last. 

He kept an iron grip on his steering wheel, trying to decide how to move forward. He knew there would be hell to pay when his siblings came home, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret saving Rey. He thought about what could have happened… what he would have done if she had been hit and her blood had poured out over the pavement. 

Yes. That would be his argument. If she’d been allowed to bleed, it would have been over for them all. He would have lost it, and there would be much more than just rumors to prove their secret. Ben shuddered at the thought as he pulled into the driveway. 

He sat in the dining room, which his family used as a conference room, and waited. 

He heard their thoughts before they arrived.  _ Watch out for Hux,  _ he heard from Doph,  _ he’s not angry. He’s just... determined.  _

Ben saw what he meant, and he couldn’t stop himself from pulling a chair from the floor and shattering it against a wall. The wood splinters went everywhere, and the room swam around him. The rage was so all-consuming, burning him from the inside worse than the smell of Rey’s blood ever had. 

Ben’s mind immediately went to a plan of action. He was stronger than Hux, but Hux was faster. He’d have to move quickly, and with enough force to be able to protect Rey. He was resolute. He would not let anyone harm her. 

Ben was adept at fighting. He’d been an enforcer for The First Order for long enough that he was deadly, more so than anyone else he knew. Was a fight where this was headed? Was he really going to fight his family over some girl he barely knew? 

Yes, he would fight for her. He’d told her she wasn’t alone, and he meant it. He’d stand against all of them if he had to. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. At that moment he swore he’d do whatever he needed to do to avoid a fight. He’d take her away if he had to. 

Would she go with him? Ben didn’t know. He thought she might, but how safe would she be alone with him? Maybe he would deliver her back to the desert where she’d come from, but even that would be a stretch for his self control. He didn’t know if he’d be able to be so near to her for so long without…

And then he knew that he couldn’t kill her without feeling the deep emotional consequences it would bring him. If he lost her… he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. 

Ben was pulled out of his reverie by Phasma’s thoughts invading his mind.  _ Fucking RIDICULOUS. What the hell were you thinking? You’re an idiot. You’re fucking selfish. Why the fuck did you even come back?  _ She kept up her barrage of insults, but Ben ignored her the best he could. 

They all streamed into the dining room and took their seats. Leia sat at the head of the table, and Luke followed her. Ben assumed he’d been holed up somewhere in the woods, attempting to find some peace before Leia had summoned him for this discussion. 

Leia’s eyes were on Ben, pleading for him to stay. Luke looked at him impassively, shaking his head and smiling a little. What the hell did he have to smile about? Ben narrowed his eyes in Luke’s direction.

Ben came and sat down next to his mother, but he had no reassurances to give her. Ben could tell that Luke could sense the fight coming. Leia hoped to keep the peace, and she was typically good at it, but she wasn’t anticipating the rage that Phasma brought into the room with her. Her lips pressed together and her forehead creased. The expression was much too old for her lovely face. 

Phasma sat down directly across from Ben, clearly in opposition. Doph sat next to her, his face unreadable even as his thoughts circled the day’s events. 

Hux hesitated, clearly aware of Ben’s rage. He stood against the wall behind Phasma, crossing his arms and keeping his cool. Regardless of the conversation’s outcome, he thought he knew best. It made Ben want to punch him through the wall. 

Rose was the last to enter the room. Her eyes were clouded over, and moving side to side as if she were reading from a book in front of her face. The future was so indistinct, and her eyebrows were drawn together trying to decipher it. She sat down next to Ben, rubbing her forehead as if it ached. 

The silence stretched on, and Ben knew he’d have to be the one to end it. The thought fueled the rage even more, but he swallowed it. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking around the room at every face. “I didn’t mean to put any of you at risk. It was reckless, and I’m sorry. I take complete responsibility for it.” 

Doph rolled his eyes. “Oh, sure, that makes it all better.” 

“What do you want me to do about it?” 

“I want you to fucking fix it,” Phasma hissed. 

“Phas, sit down,” said Leia in a tone that brokered no argument. 

“I will fix it, but not the way you mean. I… I was planning to leave. I’ll go back up north…” His voice almost broke at the thought. He didn’t know if he’d really be able to leave her. “The girl will forget about me. It’ll all work out.” The words felt untrue even as he said them out loud. 

Leia’s head was shaking before he was even finished. “No, Ben. You’re not leaving again.” 

“It wouldn’t be for long.” 

“Ben, she’s right. You leaving will only draw attention to the rest of us, and we won’t have any way to know what people are thinking. If you leave, we all go.” Doph was level headed, despite his partner’s seething rage. Ben was thankful for it. 

“She’s not going to say anything.” 

“I can take Ben back up north, if that’s what he wants,” Luke offered. 

“We have no way to know that she won’t say anything,” Phasma continued. 

Ben looked to Rose, sitting across from him in a daze. “Rose, back me up?”

“I can’t see what’s going to happen if we just… pretend nothing happened. So clearly that’s not how this is going to go down.” She sat back in her chair exasperated. 

Phasma continued on her warpath. “We can’t allow the human to live. She could jeopardize everything we’ve built here, Leia. Don’t you see that? Even if we all took off, we would be leaving stories and rumors behind us. The First Order would have our heads, and you know it.” 

Ben’s fingers were gripping the table, and he could feel the wood splintering beneath his fingers. Hux was nodding along with Phas, his expression determined.  _ Okay, so it’ll be two against one.  _

Phasma continued, “She smacked her head on the concrete today. It doesn’t have to be some big production, right? So maybe she had a head injury, she went to sleep, and just… didn’t wake up. It makes sense, and we’d clean up after ourselves like The Order would want us to.” She shot a glare in Ben’s direction. “Technically that makes this Solo’s job, but since he only seems to think with his dick, we obviously can’t trust him.” Her eyes shifted back to Leia. “You know I can do it. I would leave no trace.” 

“Yes, Phas, we’re aware of how great an assassin you are.” Ben’s teeth were still clenched in an effort not to throw Phasma through a window. 

She ignored him. “It’s the best way to protect our family.” 

Luke stood up from the table and locked eyes with Leia before addressing the group. “We’re not killing an innocent human girl. A slip up is one thing, but intentional murder? That’s another thing entirely. We wouldn’t just be losing our home; we’d be losing the essence of who we’ve become.” 

Ben had been resistant to Luke’s  _ vegan _ way of life for a long time, but now he was incredibly thankful for it. He bit back a wry smile. 

Leia spoke up next. “So we’re not killing the girl. That’s been decided. The question is whether or not we move on.” 

Phasma threw her hands up in exasperation. “No! We just got settled. People  _ finally _ stopped staring at us. I refuse to start over this soon. We finally get to be…  _ normal. _ ” 

“Oh, fucking can it with the ‘poor pitiful me’ bullshit,” Ben said, unable to keep a reign on his temper. But he wasn’t worried about Phasma anymore. She’d go along with whatever Leia said. She wouldn’t risk her safe harbour with the Skywalkers. 

Hux, however, was less convinced. He’d spent his fair share of time in combat, the same way Ben had. The only difference was that Ben’s training was backed by the vampire equivalent of royalty. Hux’s had been scrappy, mainly meant to squash border disputes amongst neighboring clans in the South. He understood the consequences that came with attempting to thwart authority, just like Ben did.

He was holding himself apart from the conversation as if nothing could change his mind. 

“Hux,” he said. Green eyes met him across the table. “She won’t pay for my mistake, and I won’t hesitate to take you down for her.” 

“She should’ve died today, Ben.” Hux spoke so cooly that it only riled Ben up more. 

“ _ It will not happen _ ,” Ben hissed, and shifted into a defensive stance. Was he overreacting? Maybe, but his instincts overtook him. Every nerve in his body was coiled to spring at the thought of Rey being in danger. 

Hux was stunned, but his resolve didn’t waver. 

“Do you think I’m just going to let Rose live in a world where she’s in danger? You don’t know what it’s like to have a mate to protect. I will not allow anything to threaten her safety.” He was trying to reason with Ben, but that wasn’t going to happen. 

“I get it Hux. That doesn’t change the fact that I will kill you if you touch a hair on her head.” Hux’s eyes squinted, sizing him up. Ben could feel him assessing his mood, trying to test his determination. 

“Hux, wait a second,” Rose said, interrupting the standoff. 

Ben’s mind was flooded with images coming at him from Rose’s mind.  _ Rey, walking with Rose through the courtyard, laughing. Rose putting makeup all over Rey’s face, and the two of them talking and laughing together. Rey in a white dress, while Rose zipped it up the back.  _

The visions were solid, set in stone, all except for the timing. Ben sat down, while Hux still stared at Rose in confusion. 

“You can’t kill Rey. She’s my best friend… or at least she’s going to be.” As she spoke, Ben felt the future in her mind solidify even more. Rey wasn’t going to say anything, and she and Rose were going to be… friends? “She isn’t going to say anything. It’s all going to work out.” 

The next vision hit Ben like a Mack truck. It was enough to take his breath away. 

_ Rey with white skin. Rey with blood running down her face. Rey’s skin shimmering in the sunlight. Rey’s eyes shining from a fresh kill.  _

“What? What did you see?” Doph had been the first to notice the change in Ben’s demeanor. 

“No…” he gasped. He couldn’t breathe, and he so  _ desperately  _ wanted to breathe in that moment. He felt his vision fading in and out. 

“Ben!” Leia was on her feet, rushing to Ben’s side. Ben was barely aware of her, caught in a state of panic. 

“Every minute, it’s growing stronger. It’s one or the other, Ben.” Rose’s voice was pleading, begging Ben to see reason. He could see it so clearly, but he couldn’t accept it. 

“I have to go,” Ben whispered. 

“You know you can’t do that,” Rose whispered back, reaching across the table to grasp his hand. She was right. Ben thought about leaving, and a gaping hole burst open in his chest. No, he couldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t leave her unprotected. “I love her too, Ben. We’ll figure this out together.” 

His eyes shot up from their spot in the middle of the table. “You… love her…  _ too? _ ” He couldn’t wrap his mind around where this “too” could have come from. Sure, he was obsessed with her. He wanted to protect her, to possess her. But, was he even capable of love? Monster that he was, could he ever carve out enough of the stone in his chest to feel that deeply for someone?

“Of course. Leave it to Benjamin  _ fucking _ Solo to fall for a human!” Phasma made a gagging sound, and rolled her eyes. 

Luke sat back in his chair, laughing softly. “Tough luck, kid.” 

“Wait, fall as in… fall in love with her?” Leia’s tone was incredulous and hopeful all at once.

Ben needed to know more. He sat forward in his seat, placing his hands on the table in a pleading pose. “What do you see, Rose? Details.” 

“It’s funny, actually. Do you remember what Hux said yesterday? About how you’d either fuck, marry, or kill her? Pick two of the above, and those are the possible choices. You’ll either kill her, or she’ll join us one day.” Her eyes continued to dart back and forth as she spoke, still searching for bits of the future.

“Neither of those things are going to happen,” Ben seethed. 

She ignored him, now speaking to the room. “It all depends though. He’s going to need a lot of control not to kill her. I think he’ll be strong enough, but we definitely know that he’s not strong enough to stay away from her. That’s a lost cause at this point.” 

Ben was silent, as was the rest of his family. The news hung over everyone like a heavy weight. Well, everyone except Rose. She looked positively buoyant. 

“Well, that sure complicates things,” Luke said from his chair. He was still leaning back as if none of this actually mattered, but Ben didn’t have it in him anymore to be angry. 

“I’ll say,” muttered Leia. “Alright, well, I guess the plan remains the same for all intents and purposes. We’ll stay, watch, and no one will hurt Rey.” 

Ben bristled at the sound of her name. 

“I can agree to that,” said Hux. “If Rose can only see the two paths…” 

“Stop,” Ben said. He could hear their thoughts turning to mud around him. Rose was unwaveringly confident, and Hux was confident in her. Leia's joy was the deepest punch to the gut, and Ben had to get out of there. 

He pushed back from the table, and ran out of the room, through the house, and out the front door without a backward glance. 

He ran east to the mountains, only stopping once he’d made it to the top of Mt. Rainier. He sat down in the snow, surrounded on all sides by dusty white, and breathed deeply. 

His mind raced through the visions he’d seen from Rose’s mind. In her visions of the two of them together, Rey had seemed totally at peace. It was clear from the images that Rey and Rose held an easy friendship. The corners of Rey’s eyes crinkled, and her nose scrunched with laughter. The vision made his breathing catch, but he couldn’t allow himself to dwell. He had too many questions. 

How much did she know, in these visions? How did she feel about  _ him _ ? He’d been fantasizing about her, hoping and wishing for a reality where he could be her protector, rather than her hunter. He hoped to be the lion that held the doe gently in his paws, shielding and guarding her from any threat. 

He wanted to keep her. 

But did wanting to keep her make it right? He thought of the visions of Rey and Rose standing arm in arm, both pale as the snow he sat on. Rey’s eyes shone with a sinister glint that he knew all too well. Was she satisfied, or did she hate him for what he’d done? 

His gut knew the answer. If he forced her into immortality, she’d grow to resent him. She’d turn from him the way he’d turned from his mother for all those years after he’d changed. 

The alternate image was even worse. Rose had seen two futures, and one of those ended with Rey dead and Ben gorged on her blood. He saw himself amongst the ranks of The First Order again, wearing a cloak stained with blood and his eyes as empty as they’d ever been. He felt sick thinking about the crushing guilt that it would take to send him back to them. He couldn’t even fathom it. 

The rational side of his mind wrestled with the morality of turning her, and recoiled from the possibility of her death and its aftermath. The monster in him roared with joy at the thought of possession, satisfaction, and the quenching of its thirst. 

He had to find another way. He would. 

At that moment, Ben Solo made a choice. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I had a lot of fun exploring the potential dynamics between these guys, while still keeping the same general plotline. 
> 
> If there's anything I need to tag that I've missed, please don't hesitate to let me know!


	5. i have emotional motion sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets a lot of attention, and Ben vies for some of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Motion Sickness" by Phoebe Bridgers 
> 
> We're heating up just a tiny bit here! Finally. The chemistry is KILLING me. 
> 
> TW: flashbacks to Rey's past. They're very vague, but still something to be aware of. The flashback is indicated by italics.

The next few weeks felt like torture. Rey was constantly bombarded with questions about the accident, and she repeated the same exact story, over and over again. 

_Yeah, he was standing right next to me and pulled me out of the way. It was crazy, right?_

Eventually the other students lost interest, and started to actually leave her alone. She didn’t mind talking to people, but telling the same story on repeat had been growing tiresome since the first time she’d told it. 

Ben’s attitude toward her didn’t help the torture in the slightest. 

She said “hello” to him on that very first day after the accident, and he ignored her. He even went as far as to turn his chair nearly in the opposite direction. 

_Okay, then. If that’s how you want to play it._ She turned her eyes to the board and refused to acknowledge his presence. She pretended the rejection didn’t sting, and she refused to concentrate on the memory of his burning gaze, his hand on hers, and the words “you’re not alone,” that had come from his plush lips. 

He must have wanted her dead. There was no other way to explain the clear disdain that he now had for her. She couldn’t reconcile the Ben she’d talked to last week with the frigid man sitting next to her, but nevertheless it became her reality. 

She watched him, almost all the time. She’d catch his every movement from the corner of her eye while they were in class. She’d watch as he talked with his family in the cafe at midday. She’d train her eyes on him in the courtyard as he walked with his back to her. She couldn’t help it. She watched and hoped, in spite of herself, that they’d go back to the way things had been. 

She continued to receive advances from Snap, and other boys that were in her classes. She wasn’t interested because that’s what they were: _boys_. One particular day, Snap made his intentions clear. He approached her during their biology class and fixed his eyes on her. 

“So, uh, Kaydel asked me out,” Snap said, nervously pawing at the back of his neck. His eyes wavered slightly, as if he was nervous.

Rey perked up immediately, thankful that his attention might be diverted. “Oh, cool! That’s great. When’s your date?” 

“Well, I uh, I told her I’d take a raincheck,” Snap said guiltily. His face was bright red. 

Rey’s brows drew together in confusion. “Why?” She didn’t know what she could have done to give him the impression that she was interested, other than being kind to him. 

“I was wondering if… maybe you’d want to go to dinner sometime?” Rey paused for a moment, thinking of how to let him down gently. She decided a diversion was probably the best. 

“Oh, Snap, uh… I really think you should say yes to Kay.” 

“Oh. Are you… seeing someone?” His eyes flickered to Ben, and back to Rey. 

“No, Snap, I’m not, but I think Kaydel is really into you. Plus, I just got settled, and I’m not really looking for anything right now.” 

“Yeah… okay, well, thanks anyways,” he muttered without looking her in the eye. She nodded, averting her eyes and moving to take out her notes. 

She could feel Ben’s eyes on her for the first time in weeks, and it sent a tingle down her spine. Turning her head, she met his gaze with what she hoped was an intimidating one of her own. She failed miserably, her breath catching in her throat upon seeing the intensity behind his sparking amber eyes. Her hands started to tremble. 

The professor called the class to attention and Ben’s gaze broke from hers. She looked down at her notebook, catching her breath and attempting to follow along with the lecture at the front of the room. She pulled her hair down from its high bun, covering her face so Ben couldn’t see her close her eyes in an attempt to collect herself. 

She was breathing heavily still, and her hands hadn’t stopped shaking. She still had a tingling in her spine that wouldn’t go away, and her panties were wet… all from a moment of _eye contact_ with a man that hadn’t spoken to her in weeks. She felt like a pathetic mess sitting there on a lab stool, but she powered through. She did her very best not to make his affect on her totally obvious, and she _thought_ she was successful. 

By the time class was released, she had already packed her notebook and laptop away and was throwing her bag over her shoulder. She made every effort to bolt out of the room quickly, but she was stopped by a familiar voice. 

“Rey?” His voice was whisper soft, and deep like red velvet. She felt like she’d been waiting to hear his voice caress her skin for her entire life. Her mind immediately thought of what it would feel like to hear that voice in her ear, his breath on her neck…

  
She took a second more than what was appropriate to turn around and face him. She didn’t want him to see the desire on her face, but she knew it would be obvious in the blush burning her cheeks. She hardened her gaze. She _was_ angry with him, after all. 

“Are we suddenly on speaking terms again?” She let as much venom bleed into her voice as possible, allowing the hurt to fuel the anger. 

“I don’t know, honestly,” he said. His eyes glittered with some sort of promise, and a shy, guilty smile settled on his lips. 

Rey’s jaw clenched. “Then what the fuck do you want?” She couldn’t help it when her eyes started to water. They always did when she was angry. 

“I just wanted to apologize. You know, for how I’ve been acting. Please believe me when I say you’re better off if I leave you alone.” His eyes were filled with a curious sadness that Rey was sure mirrored her own. But it couldn’t. If he wanted her the way she wanted him, he wouldn’t be treating her this way. 

Still, she couldn’t help but feel the sting. “I thought you said I wasn’t alone,” she choked out, shielding her hurt with more seething anger. 

His eyes squinted slightly as if she’d physically hit him. “I did. And… I just can’t be that for you. I’m sorry.” He sounded sorry, but he must have been sorry they’d ever even met. 

“Well, I wish you would’ve figured that out a bit sooner. You could’ve saved yourself all this regret.” She was doing her best to keep her voice cool now, as the anger evaporated. It was slowly transforming into heavy exhaustion. 

Now he looked confused. “Regret?” 

“For even speaking to me at all,” she muttered, turning her back to him and moving to walk away. 

His hand reached out to grab her bicep, and she tensed. She hated her immediate reactions to him, but she honestly couldn’t help herself. He pulled her back to him, causing her to drop her phone on the ground. He lowered his mouth to her ear, not letting her go. “You think I regret that?” 

She seethed, angling her head and looking at him from the corner of her eye. “I know you do.” 

“Frankly, Rey,” he said as he released her arm and bent around her to retrieve her phone, “you don’t know shit.” His voice was matter-of-fact and hid a hint of menace beneath the surface. 

She stared him down, breathing through her nose while he turned to walk away. 

As soon as he was out the classroom door, Rey’s knees gave out and she had to catch herself on the lab table. 

  
This was going to be a long semester.

* * *

The rest of the day absolutely dragged, and Rey had never been more thankful to make it home to an empty house. It was still early, and Poe wouldn’t be home from the station for another hour, so Rey decided to make dinner to occupy her mind. She hoped to impress Poe with her homemade ramen recipe, since it was worlds away from what they’d eaten in their foster home as kids. 

She pulled some chicken from the fridge, seasoned it and seared it before throwing it in a preheated oven to finish cooking. While the chicken roasted in the oven, she pulled out a large pot and prepped some broth with ginger, chicken stock, garlic, and a myriad of other sauces and spices. The last thing she did was throw a few eggs on the stove to boil, before pulling out her phone to check her texts. 

She’d received a positively _jubilant_ text from Kaydel about Snap asking her out, and she couldn’t fight the smile on her face as she responded. At least someone had a good day. 

While she prepped some green onions and bamboo sprouts for the ramen, her mind wandered. 

What the hell did Ben mean she was _better off_ without being his friend? Maybe he didn’t want to lead her on, or maybe he’d found someone else to spend his attention on. Of course he wouldn’t be interested in her that way. She was a broken, wasted thing that had been cast out more times than she could count. She was nothing. 

_Rey was crying, sitting on the floor of her pitiful excuse for a bedroom. She was 8 years old now. Her stomach ached, and her insides were burning. “Quit your crying girl. What have you done to earn your dinner? You’re nothing, a waste…”_

Rey’s hands were gripping the counter, and she was gasping for air as she fought back the tears stinging behind her eyes. _No._ She wasn’t that little girl anymore. She was a woman, a strong woman who had made it out of that hell-hole town and started making a life for herself. 

Who was Ben to decide what was and wasn’t good for her? Her sadness turned to righteous anger once again as she chopped the vegetables more aggressively before dropping the noodles into the pot. _Fuck him._ She’d finish her two-year degree there in Ach-to, find a job, and mind her own business. 

She busied herself with dinner, and was putting the ramen into bowls when Poe came home. 

“Hey kid, smells good,” Poe said as he hung his jacket by the front door. 

Rey looked up at him, plastering a smile to her face. “Thanks. I thought I’d try to impress you with my culinary prowess.” 

“Sure beats the stuff Maz used to feed us for dinner,” he laughed. Maz was a great cook, but between working nights and caring for multiple foster children, she couldn’t always pull out culinary masterpieces. 

Rey smiled, holding up her forkull of noodles in a mock toast. “To Maz,” she said with her mouth full.

“To Maz,” Poe said as he mimicked her gesture. They both dug into their noodle bowls with a hurried nature that only foster kids could possess. Neither of them had much in the way of table manners. 

“Hey, Poe,” Rey said around a mouthful of noodles. 

“Yeah?” 

“I think I might head down to Seattle pretty soon. I had the money saved up for my car, and honestly I could probably put it towards some new clothes. My winter wardrobe is a little lacking.” 

“Yeah, that’s fine. Are you going by yourself?” Poe’s eyebrows went up as the little bit of distress crossed his face. 

Rey raised an eyebrow at him. She was a grown woman for christ’s sake. “I mean, I guess?” 

“Do you want me to come along?” 

Rey shook her head immediately. “Nah, I could probably use the time to myself anyway.” It was a lie, but Poe didn’t have to know that. Mostly she just didn’t want to be a burden. 

“Alright, if you’re sure.” Poe paused, chewing on a thought as contemplatively as he chewed his ramen. “Hey, did Snap ask you out?” 

Rey barked a laugh, and stared at him incredulously. “How did you know that?” 

Poe wouldn’t meet her eyes, and Rey immediately knew where this conversation was going. “His dad works at the station. He’s a nice boy.” 

Rey scoffed. “Yeah, a little too nice. Not exactly my type.” 

Poe’s hands went up defensively. “Whatever you say. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t kill you to let a nice guy take you on a date.” 

Rey rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to her bowl. “Actually, Poe, I think it might.” 

* * *

The next morning, Rey parked her car as far away from the Skywalkers as she possibly could. It meant a much longer walk through the rain, but it was worth it. The less chance she had of running into Ben, the more chance she had of actually keeping her cool when they were forced together for class. She took a calming breath and pulled her beanie over her ears before stepping out into the cold morning. 

Almost immediately, she slipped on the slick concrete. She thought she was going down, but before she could catch herself, she felt a strong hand grip her arm, helping her right herself. She turned her eyes to her rescuer, knowing instinctively who it was, and jerked her arm away. 

“Jesus, how do you do that?” 

Ben tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy. “Do what?” 

“Pop up out of nowhere. You’re like a ghost or something.” 

He smirked. “Or something.” 

“I thought you were supposed to be pretending I didn’t exist, not busying yourself scaring the shit out of me.” It felt like the heat of her anger was burning her from the inside out, and hopefully it would burn him too. 

Ben scoffed, running his hand through his hair in that ridiculously distracting way of his. “You would’ve been eating concrete if it weren’t for me ‘popping up out of nowhere.’” He paused, his eyes softening. “And I’m not pretending you don’t exist.” 

Now it was Rey’s turn to scoff. “So you’re just trying to irritate me to death? Since the truck didn’t do the job?” 

Ben’s fists balled up as his sides, anger flashing in his eyes. He looked around, trying to calm himself, and spoke in a hiss. “You are a real pain in the ass, you know that?” 

Rey’s volume was rising, and she thought they might be making a scene. “Oh, I’m a pain in the ass?” She stared at him for a moment, shaking her head. “Excuse me, I need to go to class.” She walked past him, shoving into his shoulder on her way past. 

She heard Ben huff behind her. “Wait…” he called, but she didn’t. She kept her eyes forward, sloshing through the snow as she made her way up the hill to the courtyard. 

He was beside her in a moment, easily falling into stride. “I’m sorry. That was shitty of me to say.” He huffed a laugh. “Still true, but it was shitty to say it.” 

“Can you please go away? What do you want, anyway?” she grumbled. 

“I had something to ask you, but then you almost ate dirt, so I got distracted.” 

Rey stopped in her tracks, turning to stare him down. “Okay. Go on. Ask,” she said with her eyebrows raised in expectation. 

“I was planning to make a trip out to Seattle pretty soon, and I was wondering if you might want to go with me.”   
  


Rey blinked one. Twice. Three times. 

“You’re fucking with me.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Well, I was planning to go one my own. Solo trip, ya know? But not like, _with_ Solo…” Rey could feel herself floundering. “Anyway, I’m good.” 

Ben narrowed his eyes in suspicion, seeing right through her. “Mmm, are you sure about that? I’m not sure your car would make it that far.” 

Rey’s hackles rose again. “My car is none of your fucking business.” 

“I think I’ve proven myself to be very concerned with your safety.” 

“Honestly, Ben.” She could feel her resolve wavering, and her insides lit up at the thought of getting to spend an entire day with him. “What the fuck do you want from me? I can’t keep up. I thought you wanted to stay away from me.” 

“I said it would be better for you if I did, not that I wanted to.” 

Rey stared at him for a moment before huffing a laugh. “Oh, awesome.” She turned to walk away again, but he caught her arm. 

“It would be… safer for you if I kept my distance,” he explained. He stepped into her bubble, his height shielding her from the rain that was quickly turning to sleet above them. “But I’m tired of keeping my distance when all I want is to be close to you.” 

His hand trailed down her arm to link with hers. She felt his fingers squeeze her hand and she forgot how to breathe. 

“Will you let me take you to Seattle?” His eyes were burning furiously into hers, and she felt herself melting in more than one place. 

She nodded. 

Ben squeezed her hand once more, a shy smile crossing his face. “You really _should_ run away, Little Doe.” His smile turned mischievous, and he bent to press the lightest ghost of a kiss to her cheek. He pulled away so quickly that Rey wasn’t convinced he’d done it at all. The only evidence was the heat rushing to all parts of her. 

“I’ll see you in class.” He winked at her, and it pulled her out of her stupor long enough to scowl playfully at him as he walked away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! Come find me on Twitter @kmgonz134 and let me know what you think. I appreciate all of the comments and kudos you guys leave, and I respond to every single one. Thank you for indulging me with this little story. I love you all <3


	6. i'm all but washed in the tide of her breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gives up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Cherry Wine by Hozier 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this update! It's the longest chapter so far, but it's probably my personal favorite. Our two sweet babies FINALLY talk through some of their issues. Kinda.

Ben realized his mistake the second he walked away from her. He’d promised that he would see her in class, but that was decidedly  _ not  _ the case today since their bio lab would focus on blood typing. 

So, he followed her through the eyes of other people as she went about her day. She was graceful, and bouncier today than she had been on days prior. Her nose was pink from the cold when she went outside, and when she was inside she took her hair out of her beanie and shook it around her shoulders. He wanted to run his fingers through it, to bask in the scent of her. 

He thought of how sweet she’d been the night before as he watched her sleep. He hadn’t intended to stay for so long. He’d only wanted to make sure she was safe, to check in with her, and maybe get a little insight into her home life. He’d been absolutely rapt with attention as she wrapped herself in covers and sprawled out on the bed, whispering his name in her sleep. 

That was what did it for him. Her whispered “Ben…” had shattered his resolve. He was more hell-bent than ever to keep Rey alive, and to have her to himself. He knew Rose had seen a third option, slim as it may have been, and Ben’s stubborn nature spurred him to walk that invisible line. He would have her, and he would keep her human. It was the only way. 

She’d said  _ yes _ to him. He was still reeling from that fact when he walked into the cafe late that morning, sitting as far across the room from his family’s typical corner as he could. He would wait for her, and hopefully get another “yes.” 

When the other Skywalkers entered the cafeteria and saw him sitting alone, they didn’t bat an eye. Rose was practically bouncing up and down with excitement, while Phasma glared at him from across the room. 

_ Dumbass.  _

He and Phasma had never had an easy relationship. She’d left the First Order with him when he made the choice to return home, but she’d adjusted more easily than he had. She and Ben had been the most powerful of The First Order’s enforcers, and Snoke had made it into a sport to pit them against one another as often as possible. The resentment had built over the years, and the adjustment to family life had been… difficult. She had strong opinions. 

Hux gave him a soft smile, and a  _ good luck.  _

Rose was standing next to him, beaming.  _ Can I talk to Rey now? Please? _

Ben shot her a glance that roughly translated to “Shut up.” She shrugged.  _ It’s only a matter of time, Ben. She’s my best friend.  _ Ben rolled his eyes. 

The moment Rey walked through the doors of the cafe, his gaze was focused on her. She glanced over to his usual corner and frowned, presumably expecting to see him sitting there. She looked… sad. He hadn’t expected that. 

She sat down with Kaydel, nursing a cup of coffee and nothing else. He made a mental note to make sure she ate. 

“Ben Solo is staring at you again,” muttered Kaydel. “He’s sitting by himself today.” The girl’s eyebrows wiggled suggestively. 

Rey’s head snapped around, her eyes finding his. They lit up, and if Ben’s heart still beat it would have given out. He held up a hand, crooking his finger in a “come hither” motion, making his intention clear. She paused, startled. He winked, relishing the blush it brought to her cheeks. 

“I uh, I’m just gonna…” she didn’t finish her sentence as she stood up with her coffee cup and walked over to stand in front of him, hesitating. He took a deep breath, breathing in the burn of her scent as it washed over him. 

“I thought we could sit together today, if you’re cool with it.” He kept his tone light, not wanting to spook her in this new arrangement of theirs. 

She pulled the chair out from the table and sat, resting her coffee cup between her hands as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. 

“This is different,” she said dryly. 

“Well, I decided as long as I’m taking the short road to hell, I might as well enjoy the ride.” His eyebrow quirked up and he looked at her unapologetically, refusing to regret the words as they poured out of his mouth. 

She smiled shyly. “If you’re implying my company is sending you to hell, then… you’re probably right actually.” 

_ Oh, she was funny.  _ He laughed out loud. “Yeah, I’m sure. You’re  _ such  _ a bad influence,” he said, rolling his eyes. It was ridiculous. She’d been nothing but a model citizen since showing up in Ach-to. 

He flinched imperceptibly when he heard the thoughts screeching from her previous table. “I think your friends are pissed at me for stealing you.” 

She shrugged, not taking her eyes off of him. “They’ll get over it.” 

“I probably won’t give you back, you know.” He was flirting with her. Ben Solo,  _ flirting.  _

She swallowed thickly, and Ben’s blood hammered in his veins. “I don’t think I would object,” she said. Her expression shifted a little from the easy banter into something more complex. “I’m just… surprised I think. What changed your mind?” 

“I’m a selfish bastard. I told you I was tired of trying to stay away from you, so I quit trying.” This was honest, and raw. He wanted her to see a little glimpse of the monster beneath the surface, how selfish it could be. 

“Quit trying?”

“I quit trying to be good. So, I’m just going to do what I want now. I’ve never been much for self-denial, so why start now? Let the cookie crumble, as they say.” He had given up being casual, leaning forward in his chair and holding her gaze 

She clearly did her best to keep her wits about her as she answered. “You’re very cryptic, you know that?” 

“The cryptic, and the pain in the ass,” he said with a chuckle. “What a pair we make.” 

She blushed at that, further enticed by his word choice. “Pair. Does this mean we’re friends now?” 

He thought about that for a moment. “Friends…” 

“Or we can go back to ignoring each other,” she said with a challenge clear in her voice. 

“No, I think I’d very much like to be… more than  _ friends _ with you.” His own candor surprised him, but he couldn’t hold it in. He waited patiently for her answer. 

She drew in a breath, caught off guard again. Her eyes fluttered, and the bush crept back into her cheeks. He detected a spike in her scent and some other monster in him purred. “Yeah. Yeah I think I’d like that.” 

Ben smiled so hard it hurt. He reached across the table to grip one of her hands that rested around her coffee cup, relishing the warmth. “What are you thinking?” he asked quietly. The tension had broken down just a bit, but he could tell she was still nervous. 

“I’m just… trying to figure out what you are.” 

Ben chuckled, studying her delicate fingers. “And? Any theories?” 

“A few,” she said, suddenly embarrassed. 

“Care to share?” 

She shook her head immediately. “Absolutely not.”

Ben stared her down before rolling his eyes in exasperation. “You’re infuriating.” He meant the comment to be playful, but it sparked something in her that Ben hadn’t been ready for. 

“Oh, you have no idea.” She pulled her hand from his, and leaned forward some more. “Or maybe you do, seeing as you treat being irritating like a professional sport.” 

His eyebrows raised in shock at her outburst, but he couldn’t help being amused at first. She continued, her anger rising with her volume. “No, I can’t imagine how infuriating it might be to not be able to tell what someone’s thinking, all while they make cryptic little remarks designed to keep you up at night wondering. Or better yet, that person holds your hand and tells you you’re not alone,  _ saves your fucking life,  _ and then totally leaves you alone the very next day. Not to mention treating you like you’re nothing for a month and then suddenly deciding you’re worth their time again. I can’t imagine how  _ any _ of that would be infuriating.” 

She was standing on her feet by the end of the speech, tears pricking her eyes but refusing to fall. Ben felt like an asshole, probably because he  _ had  _ been an asshole. 

“You’re not nothing. Not to me,” he said. It was the only thing he could think to say in response to her sudden vulnerability. “I’m sorry.” He reached back out, holding his hand palm-up on the table in invitation. 

She sighed, reaching out to place her hand in his. “I just don’t like double standards.” 

“Fair enough,” he whispered, caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. He was then completely bombarded with angry thoughts coming from Snap Wexley from across the room. He was so  _ angry _ it was pathetic, and Ben couldn’t help but laugh. 

Rey’s eyebrow raised in question. 

“Your little friend seems to think I’ve hurt you somehow. He’s trying to decide whether or not to come break up the argument.” Ben would have loved to see him try. 

“I have no clue who you mean, but I’m sure you’re wrong.” Ben loved that she wouldn’t acknowledge Snap’s advances. Any trace of jealousy he might have had evaporated with that one sentence. 

“I’m not. People are very easy to read.” 

“Except for me, apparently.” 

“Yes, except for you.” 

“Can you do me a favor?” 

“That depends on what it is.”

“Just… don’t lie to me anymore.” 

“I think I can work with that.” It wasn’t a lie. He’d work with it, and  _ around _ it if he had to in order to keep her safe. 

“Thanks,” she said, glancing up at him and smiling with evident relief. Ben’s heart clenched.

“Can I have a favor in return?” 

“That depends on what it is,” she said in a mocking tone. She smiled and brought her coffee to her lips. 

“Tell me  _ one _ theory.” 

“Uh uh. Not that one.” 

“You didn’t qualify, Little Doe, you just promised an answer.” 

“Why do you call me that?” 

“Don’t avoid the question.” 

“You’ve broken a few promises yourself.” 

“Just one theory. I promise I won’t laugh.” 

“Yeah, right. You totally will.” 

“Please?” 

“Um…” 

“Please tell me just one little theory.” 

“Um, well, vampire?” 

_ Fuck. Play it cool.  _ Ben panicked, but refused to let her see it. He’d play this off somehow without lying. He had to. 

“What gives you that impression?” 

“Mmm, I don’t remember allowing for a follow-up question.” 

“Fair enough,” he said, grinning broadly at her. Would it be so bad for her to know? She knew the truth, but didn’t  _ know _ that she knew, and she wasn’t running. He chuckled under his breath. 

“You said you wouldn’t laugh,” she said indignantly. Ben pressed his lips together, sealing them from his laughter. “I’ll figure it out one day.” 

“I wish you wouldn’t.” 

“Why?” 

“What if I’m not some brooding romantic monster? What if I’m just not a nice guy?” 

She considered that for a moment before she grinned, and Ben’s spine tingled as she leaned over the table closer to him. Her face was inches from his, and he couldn’t breathe. She was too close. “Who said I wanted a nice guy?” His eyes darted to her lips, and he  _ almost  _ leaned forward and kissed her. Almost. 

She sat back down in her seat. “So you’re dangerous?” Ben heard her heart thundering, and her breathing increasing just a bit at the implication. “But you’re not bad. I don’t believe that you’re bad.” 

Ben huffed a laugh of derision. “You’re wrong, baby,” he said with a sneer in his voice. He battled with himself, knowing that he should tell her to run far away from him and never look back, while being totally incapable of saying it outloud. 

Her eyes were still glued to him, but she let out a resigned sigh as if she were making a conscious choice to let the conversation rest. “We’re going to be late for class,” she muttered as she stood up from the table. 

Ben sat back in his chair, kicking his feet up on the table in a relaxed posture. “I won’t be in class today.” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah. It’s healthy to ditch every once in awhile.” 

“Okay, well, I’m not sharing my notes with you if that’s what you’re after.” 

“No, I can take care of that myself.” 

“Mmm,” she said noncommittally. “I’ll see you later then.” She waved as she turned on her heel to leave, and Ben smiled at her. He pushed his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath now that she had finally left the room. 

He would have to do damage control. She had a theory, and it was correct. He hadn’t denied it fully, either. He was going to have hell to pay from his mother when he got home, but honestly he couldn’t even bring himself to be worried. 

Rey Niima had agreed to be  _ more than friends.  _ What did that mean for them? He had to be exceedingly careful with her, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t try… no. Not anytime soon anyway. Ben had never…  _ gone  _ there with anyone before. He’d never felt any modicum of the attraction that he felt for Rey for anyone else. He felt like new parts of his mind and body were being lit on fire in the most pleasant torture. 

He allowed his thoughts to wander as he walked to his car. She was so fucking  _ pretty _ , and that smart mouth… he allowed himself to imagine kissing her. Her lips would be so warm under his, so pliant and soft. She’d taste as good as she smelled, and she wouldn’t mind his fumbling because she’d be under the same spell he was. She’d let him take his time, run his hands and lips over her skin, caress her the way he’d longed to do since the day he’d touched her hand. 

Ben reached his car, plugged his phone in, and started listening to his favorite Skull Cult album. Music had always been a calming thing for Ben. He liked that it changed with the times, and there was rarely a genre that didn’t fit some sort of purpose in his life. 

Ben found himself fretting an imaginary guitar, hearing new chords form in his mind to create a new melody. He toyed with fragments, stringing them together until they formed something a little more whole- almost a song. 

He had almost gotten somewhere with the melody when his thoughts were pulled away by a fresh wave of mental agony. 

_ Shit, shit, shit. She’s passing out. Oh fuck, what do I do?  _ Snap Wexley was panicking as he lowered Rey gently to the concrete. She was slumped, unresponsive against the wet ground and white as a sheet. 

Ben nearly tore the door off the car. He was beside them in an instant, taking advantage of Snap’s lack of awareness. Ben’s body was frozen with fear as he hovered over her. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her through the anger that clouded Snap’s thoughts. 

“Rey? What’s wrong with her?” The panic was bleeding into his voice, and he swore at that moment if Snap had done something to hurt her that he would end him right there. 

Ben’s focus returned for a brief moment and he heard her heart fluttering and her even breaths. He saw a flicker of images in Snap’s brain and knew immediately what had happened. 

Blood typing. His girl passed out at the sight of blood. How ironic. 

Ben fought back a smile. “Rey? Can you hear me?” 

She groaned, throwing her hand up to cover her eyes. “No. Fuck off.” 

Ben couldn’t hold back his laugh at that. “Come on, princess, let’s get you to the health center.” Let Snap hear the pet name. Maybe it would give him the hint. 

“I was supposed to take her.” Or not. 

“I’ve got it. You can go.” 

“No, I said I would take her.” 

Ben wasn’t about to stand around arguing with a human child. He bent down and gently picked Rey up off the ground, cradling her against his chest as closely as he dared. 

Her eyes popped open at the sensation of being lifted. “Put me down,” she groaned, embarrassed at having to be taken care of. She wanted to be strong, but she was laying so weakly in his arms that he doubted she could stand. 

He shifted so that he could see her face. “Do you want to go to the health center, or do you want to go home?” He doubted there was much that a nurse could do for her queasiness. 

She blinked up at him, her tone changing completely. “Home, please.” 

The sound of Rey saying  _ please  _ in that soft voice did unfamiliar things to his body. “Okay.” 

He carried her to his car, refusing to set her on her feet despite her protests. When they passed her car on the way to his, she scrunched her eyebrows. “Wait. I can drive myself,” she protested as she attempted to wiggle out of his arms. 

He held her even more tightly. “No, you can’t. I’ll have Rose bring your car by later this evening before Poe gets home.”

She huffed, but didn’t argue any further. He set her on her feet by the passenger door of his car, and opened the door for her. It seemed like the  _ gentlemanly  _ thing to do, right? She blushed, but settled into the car quickly as he strode around to the other side. 

She fiddled with her hands as he pulled out into the parking lot. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted this entire interaction to feel completely normal, but he didn’t know how. He’d been a monster, had cut himself off from humanity for so long that he had forgotten how to interact beyond the basic polite niceties of public appearance. 

He wanted to court her in the normal way a man would in this day and age, but something primal in him had every instinct to  _ claim.  _ He had nothing to learn from other than the media, or the minds of the humans surrounding him, and Rey didn’t seem like she would be receptive to any of the methods he’d learned from those mediums. 

It wasn’t as if his family would be of any help. None of them had courted normally, except for his parents, and that hadn’t ended well at all. His mother had been human when she married his father, and they’d been madly in love before his mother had been turned by her father. She’d left them, and Ben had thought she was dead, that is until she’d returned to Ben’s bedside when he was twenty-five and saved him from death with eternal life. 

She hadn’t had the foresight to make sure Han was gone from the house when Ben woke on the other side of the change. The consequences had been dire, and he’d fled to The First Order in shame. 

Ben shook his head, breaking out of that particularly painful memory. The point was that he hadn’t gotten much in the way of emotional education from his biological parents, and even less from his adopted siblings. 

Phasma and Doph had been together as long as Ben could remember. They were together when they all worked for The First Order, and Doph had followed her without question when she chose to leave. There had never been a moment when they had seemed to question their relationship. Phasma adored his quiet humor, and he saw her as a goddess he intended to worship for all of his days. 

Rose and Hux had been just a little more unconventional. Hux had been the last to join the Skywalker clan, coming in not long after Ben had brought the others home with him from The First Order. Rose had seen him coming, the same way she’d seen Ben coming home. She’d watched centuries of their future play out behind her eyes, so when he was finally there, he couldn’t help but reciprocate. It was inevitable. 

Ben had known love before, but never in the way he was feeling it with Rey. He remembered waking up and seeing his mother standing above him, hearing her thoughts for the first time. He remembered what she’d felt and thought when he’d returned home after all of his years away. He had thought that love was crippling. 

It had nothing on this. None of those feelings had been clueless, and floundering, and wonderful like this. 

Only moments had passed as he’d sat, contemplating. It wasn’t enough for Rey to feel awkward, he hoped. He reached for the radio, turning his Spotify playlist to something a little more soothing. 

“You like Hozier?” She seemed shocked. Did he not give off “chill vibes” as the mortals say?

“You actually know who this is? I thought people only knew ‘Take me to Church,’” Ben said with a huff. 

“Yeah, I’m a fan. It’s very relaxing.” 

“I think so too.” It was nice to have something in common with her. Despite how much he loved bickering, it was nice to find camaraderie in something as easy as music. 

She seemed more relaxed as they drove through the rain. Ben experimented with his breathing, inhaling through his nose and fighting the burn. The rain had enhanced her scent in a way that he hadn’t expected. His fangs extended slightly, nipping into his tongue in anticipation. 

So the monster wasn’t dead after all. He swallowed against the burn in his throat, willing himself to be stronger, to fight the monster back for good. He needed a distraction. 

“Do you have any hobbies?” 

She turned toward him, eyeing him skeptically. “Hobbies?” she asked with amusement. 

“Yeah, like, what do you like to do?”  _ Come on Little Doe. Talk to me.  _

“Well, growing up in Jakku I didn’t have a ton of energy to spend on things I enjoyed.” She laughed, but Ben could hear the little twinge of pain behind it. “Although, I did get a job as a car garage one summer. I enjoy working on cars. It’s… therapeutic to be able to put something back together and make it  _ go. _ ” 

“Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me,” Ben said as he pulled into her driveway. “How old are you, Rey?” 

“I’m twenty.” 

“You don’t act like a twenty year old.” 

She laughed. “Yeah, I guess not. Growing up quickly will do that to you. You have to be your own adult.” 

Ben felt that same twinge of pain behind her words, and it hurt him too. Her upbringing was slowly becoming less of a mystery with every piece of the puzzle he dug out. She didn’t like to be cared for because she was used to doing it herself. It suddenly meant even more to him that she’d allowed him to carry her. 

“You don’t seem like much of a college kid yourself,” she quipped. 

“Maybe it’s a bit of the same. I left home really young.” It wasn’t a lie. He’d only been a vampire for a day when he’d run away. 

She nodded in understanding. “Mm. I used to run away all the time. I thought I could do better on my own.” 

“And have you? So far?” 

She nodded again, fixing her eyes on the house in front of her. “I like living here with Poe. He’s… good. Kind, in a way that most of my foster siblings never were. I get to really be myself here.” 

A wry smile crossed Ben’s face as an idea came to mind. “Do you think you’ll ever introduce me?”

Her eyes twinkled, and her breath caught as she turned to look at him. “I don’t know. Only if you promise to behave yourself.” 

Ben met her gaze head on. “Oh, so now I’m bad?” 

“No. Maybe a little scary, but not bad.” 

His eyes narrowed as he leaned toward the center console, getting marginally closer to her. “You think I’m scary?” 

“I think you  _ can _ be scary, if you want to be. I mean… you’re huge. It wouldn’t be hard.” Her breath was coming more quickly, fanning across his face. It made him bold. 

“Are you frightened of me now, Little Doe?” he whispered. 

She didn’t hesitate. “No.” 

He smiled at her, and leaned away. He saw a flash of disappointment flicker in her eyes, but she moved away too. 

“So, are you going to tell me about your family?” she asked. “I know that’s got to be quite a story.” 

He shrugged. “What do you want to know?”

“Dr. Organa adopted you?” 

“No, actually. She’s my biological mother. She adopted the others.” He was treading on thin ice, doing his best not to lie. Thankfully this question was easy for him to answer. 

“What happened to your dad?” This question, however, was not. 

“He died when I was really young.” Yet again, not a real lie. But if she knew the truth, she’d run. 

“I’m sorry.” 

He bristled at her concern. He didn’t deserve it. It had been his fault. “Don’t be. It was a long time ago. My mom is great.” 

“And your siblings?” 

Ben glanced at the clock, realizing that said siblings would soon be waiting out in the rain for him. “My siblings are actually going to be  _ very  _ put out if I don’t get back in time to drive them home.” 

She fretted with her seatbelt for a moment, suddenly flustered. “Oh. Oh, yeah. So you probably need to go then.” 

“Yes, and you probably want your car back before Chief Dameron comes home and wonders where it is,” he said in a joking tone, attempting to clear the nerves that were suddenly clouding her. 

She groaned, throwing herself back in the seat. “I wouldn’t doubt that he already knows. Word travels fast around here.” Ben laughed at her dramatics, reaching down to unlock her seatbelt for her. 

“Enjoy your weekend. It’ll be good weather for sunbathing,” he said with a wink. He was attempting to get better at this  _ flirting  _ thing. 

Rey was confused. “Are you not coming to class tomorrow?” 

“No. Doph and I are starting the weekend early.” 

She fiddled with her hands again, and Ben couldn’t fathom why she was so nervous. “What are your plans?”

“We’re going hiking down south, just past Mt. Rainier.” Doph was excited to wrestle a bear. The thought almost made Ben roll his eyes. 

“Oh, well have fun.” 

“I’ll do my best,” he said as he reached over to squeeze her hand gently. “Bye, Rey.” 

“Bye, Ben,” she said as she squeezed his hand back and hopped out of the car, seeming lighter on her feet than he’d ever seen her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment or come find me on twitter @kayla_248


	7. you met all the things you feared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a new friend and comes to a very important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is our first completely Reylo-less chapter. Oh, the things we do for a well-rounded story! We'll have our Ben back next chapter. I'm playing with the idea of a split point of view? We'll see. In the meantime, meet Finn!

Friday was miserable. It was raining, as usual, but more than that, Rey knew Ben wouldn’t be in class. It seemed silly to be so thoroughly attached so quickly, but she couldn’t help it. When Poe asked what had in her such a foul mood that morning, she blamed it on the weather. 

Lunch time came quickly that day, since Rey was having an intensely hard time focusing on anything school-related. Her relatively peaceful, though melancholy, morning came to an end with Kaydel’s intense questioning fired off at their usual table. 

“So what did Ben Solo want yesterday?” she asked. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Just to talk I guess,” she answered truthfully.  _ None of your business you nosy bitch.  _

“You looked like you were upset,” she continued to fish. 

“I was,” Rey replied truthfully, again. 

“That’s weird. I didn’t know you knew him well enough for you guys to be…  _ arguing _ about something.” 

“Yeah, maybe it was a little weird.” Rey was doing her best to answer truthfully, but evasively, and it seemed to be working. Kaydel turned with a bit of a huff and continued to converse with the others at the table. Rey couldn’t have cared less about their conversation. She was too busy burying her nose in a book and doing her best  _ not  _ to look for Ben. 

* * *

Rey woke up the next morning to sunshine pouring through her bedroom window and a slew of text messages from her friends insisting that she join them for a beach trip to D’Qar. She had absolutely no other plans for her Saturday, so she hopped out of bed to get ready. 

She met the others on the outskirts of town at Wexley’s Outfitters, the only outdoor store in Ach-to. She made note of Snap’s Tahoe and Sam’s new Sentra, replaced after the cursed truck accident. As she parked, she saw the small crowd of students all gathered together and was proud to realize that she recognized almost all of them. Kaydel stood off to the side with a few girls Rey knew from classes, Iden and Zari. Iden, a tall, wispy girl with ice-blonde hair, gave her a dirty look when she got out of the car, and honestly Rey couldn’t even fathom what that was about. 

At least Snap seemed excited about her arrival. 

“Hey! You made it!” he called, delight coloring his voice. 

“I told you I’d be here,” she reminded him, trying to mimic his good natured tone. He smiled back at her and motioned for the others to round up and load into his SUV. 

The drive to the beach was uneventful, but pleasant. Rey kept the windows down and basked in the sunlight from the passenger’s side. Snap had insisted that she take shotgun, but she’d made a point to shove Kaydel into the middle fold-down seat between them. 

They arrived at D’Qar beach less than a half hour later, and it looked like locals were already occupying the main stretch. They were gathered around a small circular pit, with a small bonfire built in the middle. 

As Rey and her group wandered onto the beach from Snap’s Tahoe, she took inventory of what she was walking into. There were three guys, and two women. While they were all completely different in appearance, they all seemed to belong together in the way that only a family could. They reminded her of the Skywalkers in that way, except they seemed much more comfortable with the idea of being approached.

Snap, who was familiar with these strangers, introduced the group as they entered the circle of makeshift driftwood seats. Food was passed around almost instantaneously, which Rey was thankful for. She never turned down a meal. 

She sat down next to Zari, a quiet girl from her Women’s Lit class, and ate her sandwich in silence, observing the chatter around her. The group didn’t linger all together for long. Eventually, the chatter died down and people started to break off into two’s and three’s, going off to hike, or shop at the one store in the little beach town. 

Rey found herself seated on her piece of driftwood next to a man with an exceedingly boyish face, and kind eyes. He looked maybe twenty-five, and had short dark hair that matched the color of his eyes. His skin was a silky brown that stood out in the light of the fire, which also reflected off of his teeth as he smiled at her politely. 

“Hey, you’re Rey, right?” he asked her in a friendly voice. 

Rey held out her hand in an awkward sideways handshake. “Yeah, and you are…?” 

“Oh, I’m Finn. Finn Storm. Sorry, I forgot we hadn’t officially met. I’m Poe’s friend. The one that sold him your car?” 

“Oh, no shit? I love my car. Thanks so much for fixing it up in the first place. It runs great,” she enthused. She really did love that car. 

“Yeah, but it’s not as fast as it was in its prime. You gotten any good mileage out of her yet?” He was smiling eagerly, and Rey hated to let him down. 

“No, honestly, I haven’t had much time for cruising. Also, consider that we had snow on the ground literally a week ago?” she countered. 

“Hmm...yeah probably not the best time for testing speed. How’d she do in the snow?” 

“Poe put some snow chains on, so she’s doing great.” 

“Good, good…” 

The conversation trailed just briefly before Rey picked it back up again. “So, you build cars?” 

“When I have the parts, sure. I mostly just work at the garage on  _ other _ people’s cars. I don’t always get the time to work on personal projects.” 

  
“Yeah, Poe mentioned you did some work at the garage with the local kids.” 

He nodded. “Chewie started it years ago,” Finn motioned over to the tallest guy in the group, a large man with a wiry beard and tattoos wrapping around his arms, “and I’ve been working on it with him ever since. He’s had some personal stuff come up in the past year or two, so I’ve taken the lead.” 

Before she could respond, Iden piped in from across the fire. “Oh, you know Rey, Finn?” Her tone was just as icy and condescending as her glare had been that morning. 

“Yeah, I’ve been tight with her brother for a while.” 

“How nice,” she said with a sneer. Her eyes narrowed. “I was just telling Sam here that it’s too bad none of the Skywalkers could make it today. Didn’t anyone think to invite them?” Her expression of concern was so saccharine sweet it made Rey want to choke. 

“You mean Dr. Organa and her family?” the tall man with the tattoos, Chewie, said before Rey could respond. She kept getting cut off, and normally it would irritate her, but she was interested to know what Chewie knew of The Skywalkers. 

“Yeah, do you know them?” Iden seemed annoyed that her little game was being screwed with. 

“The Skywalkers don’t come here,” he said in a tone that brokered no argument. Iden no longer seemed interested, shrugging and turning back to Sam and the video they’d been watching on his phone. 

Rey’s mind was spinning, staring across the fire at the bearded man who had spoken. He was studiously ignoring her, staring the opposite direction into the dark forest behind them. His tone had implied that the Skywalkers didn’t just  _ not _ come to D’Qar, but that they weren’t  _ allowed _ for whatever reason. 

Finn interrupted her meditation before it could really start. “So Ach-to isn’t making you want to rip your hair out yet?” 

“No, actually. The slow pace is kind of a relief. Although, being the ‘new girl’ isn’t the most fun.” She shrugged, playing it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. He smiled at her sympathetically. 

She was still reeling over the comment about the Skywalkers, and devised a plan to find out more information. Finn seemed fairly loose-lipped. 

“Do you want to go for a walk?” she asked, batting her eyelashes to the best of her ability. She hadn’t turned on the charm much since leaving Jakku, no longer needing to use her looks to score a free meal. She felt ridiculous and out of practice. It worked though, because Finn nearly jumped off of the piece of driftwood they sat on. 

They walked north along the shoreline, staying out of the freezing water but getting close enough to feel the mist on their skin. Rey shoved her hands in her jacket, trying to keep warm against the cold sea air. 

“So, you’re, what, twenty-five? A little young to be hanging out with my brother.” She laughed goodnaturedly, hoping he would catch her humor. 

He smiled sheepishly. “I’m twenty-two, actually, so I guess that’s even worse.” 

“Yeah? I thought you were older than that.” 

Finn shrugged. “I’m an old soul I guess.” 

“Yeah, I can see that. So, what was Chewie saying about the Skywalkers? He seemed… insistent.” She didn’t know how to broach the subject without being direct, so she just decided to go for it. 

Finn tensed immediately, and his answer was evasive. “Oh, yeah. They’re not supposed to come to D’Qar.” 

“Why not? Does Chewie not like Dr. Organa or something?” she pressed. 

“I’m… not supposed to talk about it,” Finn answered with a creased brow. 

“Who am I going to tell? My brother? He doesn’t give a shit,” Rey insisted with a laugh. 

“I really shouldn’t. Chewie would be pissed.” 

“He won’t even have a clue. I promise,” she said, as convincingly as possible. She reached and gently laid her hand on his arm, hoping this motion would break his resolve. 

Finn rolled his eyes, but a smile spread across his face. “Okay, fine. Do you like scary stories?” 

“Absolutely,” she said, doing her best to turn on the charm.

Finn led them over to another piece of driftwood that stuck up out of the sand. He perched himself lightly on one of the branches, while Rey sat on the trunk of the tree. He stared down at the rocks, and Rey guessed he was trying to make the story as compelling as possible. 

“Do you know any of the urban legends from this area?”

“Um, not really,” she admitted.

“So, the locals around here love their scary stories. We’ve apparently got a yeti in the woods, and a sea monster lurking just off shore.” He stopped to smile at her, showing just how ridiculous he thought these stories were. “There’s another that talks about humans being instinctually lured here and then turning into wolves. It’s wild.” He paused again, probably for dramatic effect. “And then, there were stories of _der_ _vampire._ ” His voice dropped for dramatic effect as he strung the word out in some vaguely European accent. 

“ _ Vampire _ ? Like, vampires?” 

“Yeah. The earliest settlers to this area were Slavic, so their word carried over. There are stories that go back as far as the wolf ones, and some are super recent. According to the legends, they arrived here with the first settlers, and mingled with the indigenous people of the area. Chewie knows all about it, and could probably tell it better than me, but apparently even back then there was a sort of  _ tribal _ structure in D’Qar. Like, a band of misfits from all over coming together to protect each other and the land. The leader of this ‘clan’ made a treaty to keep the  _ vampire _ out of D’Qar.” He waved his hand in a flippant motion, rolling his eyes at the ridiculousness of it all. 

Rey was feeling anything but flippant. 

“A treaty?” she encouraged, needing him to keep going. 

He nodded. “The vampires were the natural enemies of the wolves, according to the legend. Well, not  _ wolves _ really, more like  _ werewolves  _ \- those people I mentioned that could turn into wolves?” Rey nodded her understanding, and Finn continued. “They were called The Wolves of D’Qar. Anyway, a coven wandered onto their land, claiming to be harmless to humans.” 

Finn paused again, seeming to be collecting his thoughts. “We don’t know exactly where they came from, just that they claimed to feed differently from the rest of their kind. They promised to stay out of D’Qar, and the Wolves promised to keep their secret.” 

“If they weren’t supposed to be dangerous, then why keep them out?” 

“They couldn’t be trusted. There’s always a risk for humans to be around them, even if they’re civilized. You never know if they’ll get too hungry to resist.” He leaned in to her with a menace to his voice, further hyping his ghost story. 

“So, did they just photosynthesize, or what?” 

He laughed at her sardonic tone. “No, they claimed to feed on animals instead of humans.” 

“Okay. So what does that have to do with the Skywalkers? Are they related to the vampires from a century ago or…?” 

“No.” He paused dramatically. “They’re the  _ same _ ones.” 

Rey felt her eyebrows shoot up to hairline as the puzzle pieces started to fit together. 

“There are more of them now. Two men and a woman, but the rest are the same. Apparently Chewie’s grandfather already knew of the leader, Leia. She’d been around before people had even settled here.” Finn was continuing to fight a smile while Rey pressed for more information. 

“So, they’re like actual vampires?” She was processing, not able to fully believe what she was coming to terms with. 

“Yeah, they just don’t eat humans apparently.” Rey huffed a laugh at that comment. “Pretty crazy stuff though isn’t it? That’s probably why Chewie doesn’t like for us to talk about it.” 

“Yeah, it’s super crazy. You’re a good story teller,” Rey said while making every effort to keep her voice calm. She was saved by the sound of rocks crunching in the sand.

“Hey, there you are Rey,” Snap said as he approached them. 

“Is that your boyfriend?” Finn asked, apparently catching the jealous edge to Snap’s tone. 

“Absolutely not,” she insisted. She was starting to get annoyed with Snap, but she couldn’t focus on that. Right now she was just intensely grateful to Finn for his disclosure. 

“So, next time I’m in Ach-to…” Finn trailed off, clearly a little bashful. 

“We could hang out sometime, sure,” she realized belatedly how it sounded. She didn’t mean to lead him on, but she’d worry about damage control later. 

Snap had made his way over to them by that point, Kaydel still a few steps behind him. Rey could see his eyes appraising Finn, his eyes narrowing. “Where have you been?” he asked. 

“We just went for a walk. Finn was telling me some of the local urban legends.” She turned to smile at Finn, hoping it would send a message to Snap. 

“Well,” Snap said before pausing, “We’re packing up. It looks like it’s going to start raining.” Rey looked up at the greying sky. 

“Okay, I’m coming,” Rey said, eager to avoid getting caught in the rain. 

“Well, it was nice to meet you, Rey,” Finn said. 

“Same. Next time Poe comes to visit, I’ll tag along,” she promised. 

“Cool,” he said, feigning nonchalance. 

“And thanks for the ghost stories!” she shouted as she walked away. Finn waved back at her, and Rey walked toward the Tahoe with her mind in knots. 

* * *

When Rey got home that evening, she immediately went up to her room, telling Poe that she had a headache and wasn’t up for watching TV. She had so much information to process in her mind, that she couldn’t fathom the idea of being around anyone and keeping up appearances. 

She flopped down on her bed, turning on her phone and blaring music in her ears to help her drown out the noise in her head. She counted drum beats in her head, attempting to memorize lyrics and block out any intrusive thought that might break through her meditative state. 

It worked for a few minutes, but by the time she’d listened to the album twice, she was getting frustrated. Ben’s face continued to pop into her mind, unbidden, and she couldn’t shake it. In a frustrated huff, she pulled her headphones out and went to take a shower. 

Shower thoughts were the best kind, and Rey decided this was the  _ perfect  _ place to have this mini-crisis that she was on the verge of. 

Could Finn’s story have been true? Absolutely not. There was no possibility that vampires really existed, let alone werewolves. She poured shampoo into her hands and lathered her hair. 

But what was the explanation then? Rey ran through the catalogue of oddities that Ben had exhibited, and could come up with no other explanation. She’d guessed right the first time. His skin was pale, and cold. He was ridiculously fast, and strong enough to stop a truck from squashing her into the concrete. His eyes changed often, not in color but in shades that seemed to align with his levels of grumpiness. He and his siblings never ate, and they all moved with a cat-like grace that gave Rey an unsettled feeling in the pit of her stomach. 

Ben had skipped class on blood-typing day. He’d been absent on every day the sun had been shining. He’d dropped hints about his nature, the danger he presented. 

_ He called her Little Doe.  _

So that was where the nickname came from. He was the predator, and she was the helpless prey. 

If Ben was a vampire, what the hell was she supposed to do with that information? She couldn’t tell anyone, not that she would want to anyway. Two pathways presented themselves to her as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair. The first was to be smart and take his advice: avoid him as much as possible, cancel their plans, and go back to ignoring him. 

The idea of walking that path made her want to vomit. 

The second path was much more favorable: don’t change anything. Sure, maybe he was bad. Maybe that should have made her afraid of him, but it didn’t. After all, if he was bad, he’d never been bad to  _ her.  _ Her head spun around in endless circles, all centered around Ben and the feeling of her hand in his. 

Who was she kidding? She already had her answer. She wanted nothing more than to be with him, to talk to him, to touch his skin and make him smile in that sly way of his. If Finn’s story was true, being in such close proximity with Ben was undoubtedly a risk. She didn’t care. She’d made her choice. 

She stepped out of the shower feeling lighter than she had in weeks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated! I love you guys. Thanks for reading!


	8. i'll be flying like a thousand doves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes on a little adventure and ends up in deep water. Luckily, Ben is there to kick some ass. 
> 
> Also cuddling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Split POV, here we come!
> 
> Chapter title is from 1000 Doves by Lady Gaga. The whole album slaps. Trust me.

Rey was completely out of her element, and she felt _great_ . Her Sunday had been completely uneventful, and very boring if she was being honest, so when she received a text from Kaydel asking if she wanted to go out, she responded with a resounding _yes._ She had hoped the distraction would pull her away from thoughts of Ben, of the guarded way he interacted with her, and the sting of his rejection. Sure, he’d talked about wanting to be _more than friends_ with her, but where was the follow through? She hadn’t seen him in nearly a week. 

So here she was, dancing to the hypnotizing beat of _1000 Doves_ and trying not to fall over drunk in her ridiculous stiletto boots. She was wearing a skin-tight emerald green dress that hugged her in all the right places, and for the first time in a while she allowed herself to enjoy the attention she was getting from the men around her. 

_See, Ben? These guys seem to be more than interested. I bet if I dressed like this more often you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off._

Maybe he was celebate, and that’s why he thought he was so bad for her. Or, could vampires even have sex? Would he even find her attractive in that way? If that was what he was, anyway. She still hadn’t confirmed that idea, and her hazy mind honestly wasn’t up for thinking too hard about it. 

She was dancing and allowing herself to enjoy the thrum of the music and any attention that came her way. Of course, she wouldn’t let any of them touch her. She didn’t want anything to actually _happen_ with anyone other than Ben. 

But Ben wasn’t here. It was just her, Kaydel, and Zari vibing under the flashing lights of the dance floor when she felt a hand on her elbow. The guy behind her had been dancing closer and closer as the songs faded into one another, and before she knew it she was being ushered out the side door of the club. _Whatever._ She could use the fresh air anyway. She thought she might puke. 

As the fresh air hit her face, her vision blurred and she felt her body go slack. The last thing she saw before she started fading was a pair of honey colored eyes flashing in the darkness. 

* * *

Ben was pacing in the darkness of the alley, wearing a deep rut into the concrete as he did so. He knew he was being ridiculous. Rey was a grown woman. So what if she wanted to go out with her friends for a spontaneous Sunday night? It was none of his business. 

So why was he pacing in a back alley in Naboo trying to build up the nerve to walk into the club she was in? He’d been watching Rey through Kaydel’s eyes, only intending to make sure she was safe, but seeing her so happy and carefree, jumping to the thrumming music...her contagious energy only made him want to be with her. 

He could walk into the club and pretend it was a complete coincidence. If she saw him, he’d come up with some story about his family staying in the area after a hiking trip and wanting to get out of the hotel room. He’d do his best to convince her, even if the story was weak. All of this was a contingency plan, of course. All he planned to do was walk into the club, see for himself that Rey was fine, and leave. He could do that, couldn’t he?

Ben took an unnecessary breath and rounded the corner that led to the club entrance. He made it past the bouncer quickly, flashing a predatory smile that always got him what he wanted. Somehow humans knew that they should give him what he wanted, and not ask questions.

He willed himself not to be blinded by the flashing lights. He adjusted quickly, making his way into the club, scanning through the haze of generated fog and strobe lights. 

He smelled her immediately. 

  
Even through the crowd of sweaty, thrashing bodies on the dancefloor, her scent called to him like the most vicious siren song. There was a faint hint of something different in her smell, but he couldn’t put his finger on the change. She still smelled delightful to him, just... _different_ \- edgy somehow. 

He searched for Kaydel’s thoughts again, but she was far too preoccupied with grinding up on some random stranger to be of any use to him. He pulled out of her mind, scanning the others in the club to catch sight of Rey. He made his way to a dark corner of the club and searched with his own eyes after becoming frustrated with the inebriated humans around him. 

When his eyes found Rey, he couldn’t look away. She was enchanting, writhing and twisting her body to the music and drawing the attention of everyone around her. She was electric, and he itched to touch her, to claim her, to say _she’s mine, don’t touch._ He fought the urge down, telling himself that he’d staked no claim on her. She was under no obligation of loyalty to him. She could have any human in this club, and he wouldn’t have any reason to be angry with her. Maybe that would be better for her in the long run. The thought made his blood boil. 

Ben watched as Rey danced, suddenly turning away from him so that all he could see was the back of her head. She was moving away from him, and that made him uneasy. He watched as she was led away by a faceless nobody, and that was when it hit him: the smell in her blood was booze. She was drunk, stumbling after a random stranger towards the side door to the bar. 

  
_Come on sweet thing, just a little bit farther and we’ll be all alone._ The stranger’s tone in his mind was lecherous, and Ben felt his fangs descend into his lower lip, ready to rip him apart. The images of what he planned to do to Rey flashed in Ben’s mind, and he couldn’t hide in the corner any longer. 

He was across the club in under a second, moving too fast for mortals to notice. He pushed through the doors that the stranger had led Rey through, immediately locking eyes with his prey.

The man had his hands wrapped around her biceps, holding her up as she struggled to stand, and his thoughts had turned a different shade of violent as they focused on Ben. Ben almost laughed. 

This guy was so fucked. 

He moved quickly, breaking the man’s hands at the wrists as he wrenched them from Rey’s arms, and sending him flying down the alley. Vaguely, he heard the satisfying sound of the man’s head cracking against the concrete. He wasn’t dead. Yet. 

Ben turned to rectify that, but he was halted in his movements when he heard a quiet _thud_ behind him. He turned to see Rey on the ground, sitting with her back against the brick wall of the alley. She’d clearly given up on trying to regain her balance. He hurried to crouch in front of her, trying to keep as human a pace as possible, and brushed her hair out of her face. 

“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” His eyes searched her bleary ones, and he watched as a small smile spread across her face. 

  
“Hi Ben,” she slurs. _Okay, so this isn’t the time for conversation._

He stands, bending to place his hands under her armpits, lifting her off the ground. “Come on, up you go,” he muttered, and he didn't even bother to diminish his own strength. She likely wouldn't remember much of this in the morning. 

The moment Ben set her on her feet, she bent at the waist and vomited onto his Oxford boots. He knew he should be grossed out, but his protective instinct drove him to pull her hair back from her face, and hold her up by the shoulders as she proceeded to vomit up everything she’d had that evening. It didn’t look like she’d eaten much, which would have contributed to her current state quite a bit if Ben remembered human physiology correctly. 

When her body finally relaxed, Ben wiped her mouth with the corner of his jacket sleeve, making a mental note to wash it as soon as he was able. She looked up at him, her eyes watering before tears spilled down her face. 

“Oh, shit, shit, shit. I’m sorry. Oh, fuck,” she’s babbling, tugging at his hold and attempting to walk away. 

He tightened his grip on his arm just a bit, not wanting her to walk away and into the dangerous nighttime streets. “Hey, relax, it’s okay. What are you sorry for?” 

She looked down at the ground, not meeting his gaze. “I haven’t seen you in like a week, and you randomly show up, and then you save my ass, and then I puke on you. I suck, I’m sorry,” she mumbled the whole apology, and if Ben didn’t have supernatural hearing he probably wouldn’t have been able to decipher it. She was more aware than she was a few moments ago, but she still had a long way to go before she could hold a coherent conversation. 

“Don’t worry about it. We’ve all been there,” _even if it has been almost a century since I’ve had alcohol._ Rey didn’t seem like the type to make a habit of this sort of thing. Maybe that was why she’d forgotten the cardinal rule of never drinking on an empty stomach. He cupped her cheek, pulling her into his chest and refusing to acknowledge the burn in his throat as her smell hit him again. “I’m just glad you’re alright.” 

Ben’s mind went to the stranger that was lying in a pool of slushy snow far behind him. He would pay. He’d die a slow, torturous death. Maybe Ben would take a finger or two before snapping his limbs. He’d have fun with it. Before he died, the man would have no doubts about what happened when you fucked with other people’s toys. 

Except Rey wasn’t a toy. She was a woman, and when she looked up at him with those trusting little doe eyes of hers, his violent inclinations melted. They’d have to wait. “Come on,” he muttered to her. He needed to get her somewhere safe and warm. 

He scooped her up in his arms, carrying her down the street to where his car was parked, and slid her into the front seat. When he bent to buckle her in, he realized she was already asleep, snoring softly into the leather upholstery. He couldn’t fight the smile that came across his face. 

It dawned on him then that her friends were likely worried for her. He paused for a moment, thinking through the morality of what he was about to do. If it eased their minds, what was the harm? He fished her phone out of the small bag she had crossed across her waist, unlocked it ( _of_ course _she didn’t have it password protected)_ and sent a quick text to Kaydel: _Felt sick. Getting an Uber home. Don’t wait up. See you tomorrow!_ He walked around to the driver’s side and got in to start the car. 

His eyes wandered to her sleeping form before he opened her phone again. He selected Poe’s number, and sent another text. _Probably won’t be home tonight. I’ll check in tomorrow morning._

He set course for the nicest hotel he could find with a quick search on his phone, hoping to give Rey the chance to sleep off the alcohol with supervision. He didn’t think she’d get that from her friends, and he hoped he was saving her a lecture from Poe. 

While he drove in silence, his thoughts wandered back to the stranger that had intended to assault Rey. He wanted to peel his skin from his bones, and drink the last bit of life from his veins as he screamed. 

Rey snored lightly, and Ben’s mind was made up. If he ever had any hope of deserving her, he couldn’t be the one to make that man suffer. So, he called the next best person. 

She answered on the first ring. “What do you want, fuckhead?” 

Ben’s eyes immediately rolled at the sound of her voice. “Can you be tolerable for like, one second please, Phas?” 

There was a pause on the other end of the line before she sighed in resignation. “What happened?” 

“There was… an incident,” Ben said quickly. 

“An incident,” she deadpanned. 

“Yeah, and I need some help. Please.” 

She snorted. “You’re not exactly on my good side right now, Solo.” 

“I know. But I think you’ll actually enjoy this a bit,” he said, hoping she’d listen. He didn’t have many other options. 

“Alright, you have my attention.” Ben could practically hear her legs crossing and her posture shifting. 

“Rey was attacked. I want you to track the guy down and finish what I started tonight.” He couldn’t stop his voice from turning to a predatory growl. 

He could tell she was tracking his implications. “That _does_ sound entertaining,” she mused, and then, “Why don’t you do it?” she asked. He almost groaned before deciding that honestly would have to be the best policy here. 

“I… need to stay with her,” he whispered, his eyes traveling back to Rey’s sleeping form curled into the seat. 

“You’re so gross,” she said, but Ben could already hear her starting to forgive him. 

“Yeah, love you too Phas.” 

“Yeah, you better,” she huffed before she hung up on him. 

Ben let out a sigh. With that settled, he could relax a little. Rey was safe, and that creep would have no opportunity to find a replacement victim.

He sped down the highway before taking the exit for the hotel he’d booked minutes before. He checked them in quickly before returning to the car and carrying Rey in his arms up to their room. She was still sleeping heavily when he placed her on the king bed in the center of the room. 

He pulled off his vomit-coated shoes before he did anything else, making a note to clean them thoroughly in the morning. He had more important things to do tonight. He placed them in the corner of the room before coming over to remove her pointed toe boots. She hadn’t been wearing a jacket, and he made a mental note to buy her a new one, assuming she’d left it at the club. He hoped she hadn’t gone out on a cold night like this one without thinking of bringing a jacket.

He pulled the blanket over her sleeping form, turned off the lights, and climbed into the bed beside her, careful not to press against her or invade her space too much. She tossed and turned, grumbling in her sleep before opening her eyes and staring at him. 

“Hey, Rey,” he whispered, smoothing some hair out of her face as it stuck to her forehead. She was sweating, probably from coming in from the cold. Also probably from the alcohol. 

“Ben,” she mumbled, her eyes still blurred with sleep and intoxication. 

“Yes, Little Doe, I’m here,” he says, bringing his hand to rest on the side of her neck, hoping to cool her fevered skin. She sighed, leaning into the touch and closed her eyes again, curling up in a ball beside him. 

As she began to sober up, her distinct _Rey_ smell traveled into his lungs, and he felt his muscles tightening again. As much as he wanted to stay close to her, as much as he wanted to _touch_ her, he knew he wouldn’t feel right about it if she was asleep. He also knew better than to trust himself when his predatory instincts were this raw. 

He got out of bed, moving gingerly so as not to wake her, and retrieved his phone from the pocket of his soiled jacket. He shot a quick text to Rose: 

_Hey Rose, I need a favor. Please don’t ask questions. I’ll explain later. Can you drop off some clothes for Rey? Just something casual. She’ll need shoes too. Thank you._

Rose’s response was immediate: _Of course, but you WILL explain later._ He didn’t need to send her any more information. He knew she could see where they were, and that she'd be there to drop Rey’s clothes off by morning. 

He sat down on the edge of the bed and watched her. He told himself it was to make sure she was breathing steadily and not choking on vomit, but really he was just intoxicated by the loveliness of her face. He matched his breathing with hers, monitoring the rhythm and allowing it to calm him into a meditative state. When he felt confident in his ability to lie next to her without touching, he settled on his side and pillowed his head with his arm. 

He wanted to sleep, to find rest in this little nest of sheets they’d made, but he couldn't stop thinking about how much he didn't want to miss a _single_ breath of hers. He didn't _have_ to sleep. It helped to control the outbursts of rage that he was prone to, but his body didn't require it. He usually didn't bother, but for the first time in nearly a century, he found himself wishing for the vulnerability of unconsciousness. It might be the one thing that could put them on an even playing field - one of his few connections to mortality. 

He closed his eyes and drifted off to the sound of her breathing, forgetting the burn in his throat completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben really is trying his best here. How do we think Rey is going to react when she wakes up? We'll see! 
> 
> Come find me on twitter @kayla_248 and say hi! 
> 
> Leave some comments for me! I respond to them all, and I absolutely love hearing your thoughts about this little story. Thank you so much for reading!


	9. woke up this morning, light poured in, you're with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have breakfast and talk about ~things~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a split POV chapter, although it's primarily from Rey's POV. 
> 
> Chapter title is from What Have I Done by Dermot Kennedy.

Ben woke up before Rey the next morning, which came as no surprise to him. The day was gloomy, and he was thankful. No worries about the sun today, thankfully. He glanced to his side, noticing a bag on the ground that wasn’t there when he’d fallen asleep the night before. 

He got out of bed, careful not to jostle Rey, and sauntered over to open the bag. Rose had brought a pair of jeans, loose fit just like Rey liked, and a pale blue cropped sweater that paired well with the pants. The box beside the bag held a new pair of Doc Martens, another favorite of Rey’s. He laid the clothes out at the end of the bed for her, and paused when he came across a set of undergarments that would’ve made him blush if he could. The bra was made of black lace, and was paired with lacy black bottoms. He thought of the garments on Rey, of peeling the bottoms down her legs…

He mentally shook himself and laid the garments out beside the clothes before looking through the rest of the bag. Rose had brought some clothes for him as well, apparently having seen the vomit escapade from the night before. Another box sat on the floor next to Rey’s new boots, likely holding a pair of shoes for him as well. 

He pulled out the pair of jeans, the black henley and cream colored cardigan and changed into them swiftly before pulling on his new boots and crossing to sit on the bed next to Rey’s head. It was time to wake the sleeping beauty that had graced his dreams through the night, and bring her back to the world. 

Right on cue, her eyes blinked open to find his before immediately closing them again and groaning. She threw her arm over her eyes, presumably in shame.  _ No need to be ashamed Little Doe. Your sins are nothing compared to mine.  _

“Good morning, Rey. How do you feel?” 

“Like shit, if I’m being honest,” she muttered from under her arm. When she finally pulled her arm away and turned her gaze to him, her eyes were wide and bloodshot. Even a hungover mess, she was beautiful. 

“Where are we?” 

“A hotel in Naboo. After you passed out in the car, I didn’t want to risk my leather seats taking you all the way back to Ach-to. So, I brought you here.” 

“And you put me to bed?” 

“I did,” he muttered, waiting to be chastised. 

She went in a different direction. “Did I puke again?” she asked. 

“No, thank God,” he said with a laugh. 

She looked nervous suddenly, her teeth biting into her bottom lip. She took a steadying breath and leveled him in her gaze. “Did we…” she breathed again, “Did anything happen between us?” 

Ben was surprised that her mind had gone there. Did she think he would take advantage of her that way? “No, Rey. Nothing other than me being forced to listen to your snoring all night.” He hoped his teasing would ease her anxieties. “Why don’t I take you for some breakfast?” 

She perked up at the mention of food. “IHOP?” she asked hopefully. 

“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he said with a soft smile. 

Rey sat up in bed and swung her legs over the side to reveal a large expanse of bare skin on her thighs. Ben averted his eyes, trying to tame the lust he could feel growing by the minute. She turned her attention to the clothes at the end of the bed and frowned in confusion.

“I had Rose bring you some clothes. I didn’t think you’d want to wear the same things to breakfast,” he said, watching as she rose and studied the clothes. 

She lifted her gaze to him again, and a small smile fell across her lips. “Did Rose pick these out?” she asked, holding up the tiny lace garments. 

Ben cleared his throat uselessly. “Um, yes actually. I’ll give you some privacy.” 

“You don’t have to,” she said, “I could actually use some help.” She turned and presented her back to him, gesturing for him to help her unzip. 

Ben paused for a moment, hesitating. He hadn’t touched her this way, or in any way really, other than holding her hand or running his fingers through her hair. The idea of running his fingers down her bare skin was tantalizing, enticing in a way that he should have known to expect by then. 

But he was afraid. 

If he got that close and felt the heat of her delicate skin against the marble of his, would he be able to stop himself from taking things further? Aside from how delicious her body looked, her blood still sang to him and burned the back of his throat. If he allowed himself to let go and follow his more human instincts, would the animal ones follow? He had no way to know, and it terrified him to put her at risk that way. 

So, he wouldn’t. He would help her with this simple task, and keep his hands to himself. He could do that, couldn’t he? When his hands rose to the zipper of her dress, he started to doubt his resolve. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath, and each inch of skin revealed by the opening of the zipper was enticing him to touch. 

Lightly, carefully, he ran a finger down her spine, feeling the softness of her skin and the bumps and ridges of bone, stopping at the base where the zipper ended. She shivered, and he was once again angry that he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. 

“There. All done,” he murmured, shifting his weight away from her and from temptation. 

She paused for a moment as if she was expecting something more from him. He watched her shoulders tense, and immediately regretted his move. He must have made her uncomfortable somehow. 

She turned to him, pulling the dress down over her shoulders and allowing it to pool on the floor.  _ Oh. Clearly not uncomfortable.  _ His eyes skimmed over her freckled shoulders and chest, lingering on her perky breasts and rosy pink nipples that fit her so perfectly. Her waist sloped gently down to join her hips, and Ben wouldn’t allow his gaze to go any farther. 

He closed his eyes, wondering what on earth had possessed her to show herself to him so freely. Not that he was complaining. Ben’s hands itched to touch her, but he kept a firm grasp on the bed under his hands, ripping through the plush mattress without any effort. She gazed at him, a challenge in her eyes, and mercifully turned away, grabbing the undergarments and unceremoniously pulling them on. 

The sweater and jeans came next, and Ben mourned the loss of the sight of her skin, but was thankful for the reprieve. He was straining against his pants, a sensation he hadn’t been familiar with until very recently — until Rey. 

Once she was dressed, she turned to him again, another look of confusion in her eyes. “Have you seen my phone?” Her expression changed immediately to one of abject horror. “Oh, shit. Kaydel and Zari, and  _ Poe.  _ They all probably think I got murdered or something. Fuck.” 

While she rambled on, Ben fished her phone out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Here. I sent Kaydel and Poe both a text last night letting them know you were alive.” 

Rey took her phone back from him, a suspicious look in her eye. “I was passed out, so you pretended to be me?” Where she’d been suspicious before, she now looked pissed. “That’s really not okay, Ben. I didn’t ask you to bring me here.” 

Ben immediately grew defensive. “Oh, so you’d rather I had taken you home to Poe passed out drunk?” 

Steam practically blew from her ears. “That’s not the point, and you know it,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

He did know it. “Fine. I’m sorry for impersonating you over text. I didn’t want them to worry, and you weren’t exactly up for making decisions.” Could they get through one interaction without bickering? Ben was beginning to think that was a lost cause. 

She loosened a little, chastened by his comment. “Okay, okay. Just… no more using my phone without my permission?” 

“Agreed. Can I take you out for breakfast now?” His tone was conciliatory as he reached out to twine his fingers with hers. 

Her answering smile was disarmingly sweet and eager. She pulled on his hand, grabbing her purse with the other and flinging it over her shoulder as she led them out of the hotel room and down to the car. 

* * *

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid.  _

Rey mentally shook herself, willing the embarrassment to go away. What had she been thinking?  _ Oh, thanks for the help with my zipper. Here’s my tits!  _ Fuck. 

Though, if she was being honest she couldn’t help but feel a bit smug at his reaction. Maybe it had been a stupid move, but it had done wonders for her confidence in his physical attraction towards her. Even if she was a bit embarrassed, she could admit that much. 

She sat in the front seat of his car pondering the look on his face as they pulled into the IHOP parking lot. The restaurant was right down the street, and Rey’s stomach was thankful. She was starving. 

When they pulled into the parking lot, Ben got out of the car first and walked around to open her door before she could open it herself. The independent part of her recoiled from the old timey act of chivalry, but after the show she’d put on in the last 12 hours, she couldn’t bring herself to be upset.

The waitress seated them toward the back of the restaurant, her eyes lingering on Ben and her hips swaying excessively as she led them. It made Rey irrationally angry, but Ben didn’t even seem to notice. 

“This table ok?” the obnoxiously perky waitress asked. She was looking at Ben, ignoring Rey entirely.

“This is perfect, thanks,” Rey said, plastering on a fake smile and pushing her way into the booth. 

The waitress had the decency to look contrite, if only for a moment. “Great, I’ll be back to take your drink order in just a moment.” She walked away in a daze, dazzled by Ben’s meager politeness the way most women were. It hadn’t annoyed her until now. 

She crossed her arms and looked at Ben, who was staring at the menu with a confused look on his face. “You really shouldn’t do that to people,” she said with a raise of her eyebrow. 

He looked up from the menu, confusion still painted on his face. “Do what?” 

“Dazzle people that way. She probably needed to go have some alone time in her car after that.” Ben seemed to consider that for a moment, but just shrugged. It frustrated her. “Oh, come on. You  _ have _ to know the effect you have on people.” 

He thought for another moment before a sly smile crossed his face. “Do I dazzle  _ you _ ?” 

Two could play at that game. “Nope. Never. I have immunity,” she said, with the same sly smile. Her face heated under his gaze, as he leaned forward to call her bluff. 

“You do?” he asked. Her breath hitched, and she felt the blood rush to her cheeks. His smile grew wider. “Ah, you do…” he murmured, his gaze lingering on her as she swam in the depth of his eyes. 

“Hey, can I get your drink order?” the waitress’ shrill voice broke through the moment and Rey jumped.  _ Can’t you read the room?  _

Rey spoke first, “I’ll have an orange juice, and a cup of coffee please.” 

“I’ll have the same,” Ben said. His eyes hadn’t moved away from her and it was making her antsy. 

The waitress left swiftly when Ben didn’t acknowledge her, and Rey turned back to face him. “What?” she asked. He was staring, still. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“I’ll be fine with some caffeine in my system.” 

“You don’t feel dizzy? Or nauseous?” 

“Should I?” 

“You drank a lot last night, you were attacked, and you didn’t have any water before going to bed. I’m waiting for you to start puking on the carpet, to be honest.” 

“I can hold my liquor. And I’m generally pretty good at dealing with unpleasant things,” Rey said matter of factly. It was the truth. There was no use dwelling on bad things when they happened. If she’d done that her whole life she wouldn’t have made it this far. 

Ben pursed his lips, biting back some smart-ass comment no doubt. “Still. I’ll feel better when you’ve got some food in you.”

The waitress returned with their drinks, and asked for their food order. Rey didn’t even need to look at the menu. “I’ll have the Swedish crepes with a side of bacon and scrambled eggs,” she rattled off, “Please.” 

The waitress seemed shocked at Rey’s ability to pack down food, and turned to Ben. “Nothing for me,” he said, waving her off. 

_ Of course he doesn’t need anything.  _ He reached over for the carafe of coffee and poured her a cup, opening two creams and two sugars and pouring them in before sliding the cup to her. “Drink, please,” he insisted. 

She sipped the coffee obediently, shivering as the liquid warmed her insides. She hadn’t realized how cold she’d been. Last night, the alcohol had kept her blood warm, and this morning she’d been too distracted by Ben to notice. 

“Are you cold?” 

“Yeah. The coffee is helping though,” and before she was finished speaking, Ben was sliding his cream-colored cardigan off of his shoulders. He’d changed clothes at some point during the night. She distinctly remembered him wearing a black sweater, but now he wore a black henley that pulled tight across his chest and shoulders, highlighting the muscles there. Rey had to stop herself from salivating.  _ Why is he so BIG? _

He handed her the cardigan, interrupting her blatant staring. 

“Thanks,” she said, pulling the cardigan over her shoulders. It was cold, not warmed from his body heat like she expected. Another checkbox marked. It smelled like him though, which made up for the lack of warmth. She breathed deeply, trying to commit the smell to memory. 

“That color blue looks lovely with your skin,” he murmured, watching her. She felt her face flush, and looked down at her lap. He showered her with compliments, but where was the follow through? She thought back to her performance that morning and flushed even deeper. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he pressed. 

“Really, I’m fine,” she insisted, taking another deep swig of coffee now that it had cooled some. 

“You shouldn’t be,” he said, with a scoff. He looked frustrated, and Rey couldn’t fathom why. Did he  _ want _ her to be a pale puking mess? “A normal person wouldn’t be. You don’t even look shaken up about what happened.” He stared into her eyes, and she noticed how warm they were — less hardened and shiny, more deep and molten. 

“I feel safe with you,” she said with a shrug. It was the truth, and it was more than she’d ever had in any sort of traumatic situation — a person to hold her and make sure she was okay. Poe had always done his best, but he hadn’t been there every time, and she hadn’t wanted to burden him either. 

Her confession made him uneasy, she could tell. His brow furrowed and he shook his head. “This is getting more complicated by the second,” he murmured, more to himself than to her. 

She pursed her lips, turning her attention to her orange juice.  _ Complicated.  _ She’d always been too complicated — too difficult for anyone to get close to. It made sense that he wouldn’t be any different. She braced herself for the blow— for him to drop some cash on the table and leave her sitting there alone. It wouldn’t be the first time. 

But she wouldn’t back down. She had questions, and he was the only one with the answers. He would do that much for her before he decided she was too  _ complicated  _ to deal with. 

She squared her shoulders. “Usually you’re in a better mood when your eyes are so warm,” she commented, suddenly realizing how ridiculous it sounded. The fact that she’d studied him enough to comment on the  _ texture  _ of his eyes was probably a little much. Oh well. It was out there now. 

He fixed her with his stare again. “What?” 

“You’re always a grump when your eyes are shiny. They harden like rocks in your face— I know to expect the grumpiness then.” She sipped her orange juice. “I have a theory about them actually.” 

His eyes narrowed and the corner of his lip tugged into a smile. “More theories?” he asked. 

“The same one actually,” she said, switching back to coffee and peering at him over the rim of the mug. 

“Mmm, well, the prosecutor holds the burden of proof, so I hope you’ve prepared.” His eyes were mocking, playful in a way they hadn’t been before. 

“Who says I’m prosecuting you for anything?” she countered. 

Before he could answer, the waitress appeared with her arms laden with Rey’s food. She set the dishes in front of her, and Rey almost squealed with delight. Her stomach rumbled, distracting her from the conversation they’d been having. 

The waitress turned to Ben. “Did you change your mind?” she asked. “Isn’t there anything I can get for you?” Her words were laced with double entendre and Rey bit back a snarl. 

“No thank you, but some more coffee would be great,” he said, still not paying the waitress much attention. He waited for the waitress to leave before asking, “You were saying?” 

“Mm, I think I’ll hold that a little closer to the chest for now. I have questions first,” she said around a mouthful of crepe. Her manners left a lot to be desired; she knew that, but she didn’t care much. 

He made a gesture with his hand for her to continue. “Go ahead and ask, if you can get words out around a mouthful…” he trailed off, smirking. 

_ A mouthful of what, Ben?  _ She stamped her dirty thoughts down in favor of the much more important conversation that needed to happen. “Oh, I can, trust me,” she said once she’d finished the bite. “Why are you in Naboo?” 

“Pass,” he said, leaning back in the booth with his arms crossed. 

“That is literally the easiest question, Ben.” 

“Next.” 

Rey looked down at her plate, shoving another huge bite of crepe in her mouth and chewing before moving on to the bacon on the other plate. She swallowed and took a sip of orange juice before looking up at him. 

“Ok, fine, asshole,” she mumbled. “Let’s say, hypothetically, that someone… literally anyone… could read minds — with a few exceptions.” 

“Just one exception,” he corrected, “hypothetically of course.”

_ Oh, so he’s playing along? Good.  _ “Hypothetically, how does it work? What are the limits? How would that  _ someone _ find someone else at exactly the right time and save their ass more than once?” 

“Hypothetically,” he said with a raised brow. 

She sighed, and raised her eyebrow back at him. “Hypothetically.” 

“Well, if that someone had been paying attention like he should have been, rather than getting distracted by another  _ someone _ ’s ass in a tight dress, the timing wouldn’t have needed to be so precise.” His nostrils flared a bit at the memory. “Only that  _ someone _ would leave a club with a perfect stranger in the dead of night. I swear it’s like you  _ enjoy  _ being in peril.” 

Rey stopped chewing and laughed. “I thought we were speaking hypothetically, Ben.” 

“We were, weren’t we?” He chuckled. “Okay, I’ll be… Ren, and you can be… Jane?” 

“Jane Doe?” 

“The very same.” 

“Okay, Ren and Jane,” she acquiesced. “How did Ren know where Jane was?” 

His eyes were uncertain, like he was trying to decide whether or not to tell her the truth. He looked like he was in pain. 

“You can trust me, Ben,” she said, reaching forward to grasp his hand and squeeze it. She felt cold stone squeeze back. 

“I don’t think I have much of a choice at this point,” he said. “You’re… very astute.” 

She hummed. “I guess you’re not always right,” she said. 

“I used to be. Until ‘Jane’ came along.” He shook his head. “I followed you to Naboo,” he admitted. “I had been away for so long, only a  _ week _ ,” he scoffed as if the time frame had offended him, “ and I just… needed to see that you were safe. I’ve never tried so hard to keep someone alive before. I never thought it would be this difficult, but you’re a magnet for trouble, Little Doe.” There it was again, the pet name. She was beginning to understand it a bit now. 

“And you think you’re part of that trouble?” 

“Oh, sweetheart, I am the  _ definition _ of trouble. A perfect devil, if you will,” he said with a grin. 

“My very own Lestat,” she joked. “Or are you a Louis?” 

Ben stiffened, as if he hadn’t expected her to pick up on the quote. “We’re getting off topic,” he bit out. 

“Are we?” she asked, but she relented. “Did you ever think that maybe I was meant to die when the truck crashed? This could be like  _ Final Destination,  _ and you’re just tempting fate.” 

“If you were meant to die, I would have killed you that first day in class,” he said quietly. The timbre of his voice had dropped, and Rey had to strain to hear him. 

She felt ice shoot down her spine.  _ Fear _ . It was sweet, thrilling. She kept herself calm. “Yes, you were quite grumpy that day.” 

“You remember?” he asked, a threat in his eyes. 

“I do,” she said, her eyes not wavering away from his. She would not show fear. 

“And yet, here you sit,” he said with a shrug. 

“Thanks to Ren,” she quipped. 

He laughed once. “Yes. Thanks to Ren.” He looked down at her plate that still held a startling amount of food. “You eat, I’ll talk?” he asked. 

Rey nodded, picking up another piece of bacon and biting off the end. 

Ben shifted forward, placing his arms on the table, keeping them crossed. “It’s harder than it should be — keeping track of you. I can’t hear your thoughts, so I have to keep track of someone you’re with. If they look away, or focus on something else, I lose you again…”

He trailed off, looking at her anxiously as if waiting for her to sprint away from him. She took another bite of bacon. 

“I was keeping tabs on Kaydel. That’s how I found the club you were in. After that I… I followed your scent. And I watched you, from the corner of the club, making sure you were safe and near your friends. That’s when I heard what that guy was thinking and then…” His hands had turned to clenched fists on the table, and his teeth ground together. 

“Then?” she prompted. 

He looked down at the table, relaxing his fists once again. “Then I saw your face in his mind. I saw what he planned to do to you in that alley. I couldn’t stop myself. I came after you and… well you know the rest.” He glanced up from the table, studying her reaction. She kept chewing her bacon as he held her gaze. “It was very… difficult— you can’t imagine how difficult, honestly— to leave him alive. I had to focus on just getting you somewhere safe. It was the only instinct that mattered, really.” 

Rey sat quietly, a bit dazed, but feeling more and more validated by the minute. 

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked. 

“We can leave, sure,” she said. They had a long car ride ahead of them, and she couldn’t be more thankful. She was nervous, but ready to talk through her theories and finally have the thin veil between them torn down the middle. 

The waitress appeared with their check, and Ben slipped a bill into the folder, handing it right back to her. “No change,” he said with a smile before standing up and offering his hand to Rey. She couldn’t suppress her smile. 

He clutched her hand in his as they walked towards the door, holding tight as if trying to keep himself grounded in the present. He squeezed lightly before letting go to open her door for her. As she sat in the front seat watching him, her pulse began to quicken. This was it— all cards were about to be on the table. She snuggled back into his cardigan, bracing herself and breathing in his scent. 

Ben sat down in the front seat, not meeting her eyes as he pulled into traffic. “Now,” he said meaningfully, “It’s time to show your hand, Little Doe.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting more and more tense between these two. Stay with me. I promise, we're lighting that fire eventually. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting. If you want to share this story, feel free to retweet my updates, and leave comments for me! Follow me @Kayla_248
> 
> Also, if you haven’t read the later Vampire Chronicles (or any of them) then you won’t catch the quote Ben throws out. Louis (Lestat’s lover) often refers to him as a “perfect devil!” when they’re fighting. Lestat loves it and tells him “Come on, say it again! I’m a perfect devil. Tell me how bad I am. It makes me feel so good!” And idk man that whole sequence just makes me heart squeeze. 
> 
> I appreciate each and every one of you <3 
> 
> [Rey's new sweater](https://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/aeo/0348_9125_400_f?%24cat-main_large%24)  
> [Ben's outfit, except with a cream sweater](https://i.styleoholic.com/2016/09/17-warm-tan-cardigan-a-black-tee-with-buttons-and-jeans.jpg)  
> [Rey's jeans](https://s7d2.scene7.com/is/image/aeo/0436_3038_508_of)  
> [Rey's boots](https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/ac1c53dc8a3b549480149d041e9299097cb39955/0_302_1600_960/master/1600.jpg?width=1200&height=900&quality=85&auto=format&fit=crop&s=72a96ac2a6a11b027782df30148181e9)
> 
> [Nebula playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4CZ3MRnW7wTL8nwPxCViLK)


	10. i'm just trying to be brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey shows her hand. Ben tests his limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like this chapter took 84 years, but here it is! Thank you to all of my readers and everyone that's encouraged me in writing this. Enjoy!

Rey fiddled with her hands in the front seat of the car, and the way her eyebrows wrinkled together was so endearing it made Ben’s heart squeeze. “Can I ask just one more question?” she asked, rather than getting on with her theories. She was growing more infuriating by the minute, and he just wanted to shake her— no matter how cute she was. He was on edge, anxious for the worst possibilities. And yet, he had a deeply rooted need to give her what she wanted. 

“One.” 

“Okay. So, you said you followed my scent,” she hedged. 

“That’s not a question.” 

“Well, I was wondering what that means. How would you be able to smell me?” 

Ben took a deep breath, allowing her scent to scald the back of his throat and gripping the steering wheel. “Your scent is...pungent.” 

“So I smell gross?”

Ben laughed out loud— it probably hurt her ears, but he couldn’t stop himself. She was absolutely ridiculous. “You’re worried— not because I could smell you in a crowded club— but because you think I don’t  _ like _ your smell?” 

She shrugged, her shoulders falling just a bit, but she didn’t back down. Her breathing accelerated, but calmed again quickly. Her voice was steady when she spoke again. “And then you still didn’t answer one of my first questions,” she stated. 

“Which one?” 

“The mind reading one. How does it work?” she asked— her tone was all business, which somehow made this conversation easier. “Can you read anyone’s mind? Can your whole family do it?  _ How  _ do you do it…?” her voice trailed off, flushing a little. 

“That’s a lot of questions,” he deadpanned. 

She just looked over at him, raising an eyebrow in expectation. Ben sighed in resignation. “It’s just me. The rest of the family has their own...anyway, yes. I can hear anyone, but not anywhere. I have to be fairly close, and the more familiar I am with the person, the easier it is for me to hear them. No more than a few miles…” he trailed off, waving his hand uselessly in the air as if he could wave the question away. “It’s kind of like it was for you, probably, being in the club. You’re surrounded by people, voices, and the more familiar you are with someone’s voice, the easier it is to pick them out of a crowd. I tune it out most of the time.” 

“Why do you think you can’t hear me?” she wondered. 

“I don’t know. I can only think that maybe it’s a punishment for all of my past crimes. The one thing I want more than anything— and I can’t have it.” 

“Maybe my brain just doesn’t work right. Maybe I’m a freak.” 

Ben laughed out loud again. “We are  _ literally  _ discussing my reading minds, and you think  _ you’re _ the freak? You are absolutely ridiculous,” he said around his laughter, and then his mind wandered to the real issue at hand. The laughter died in his throat. “Now if I remember correctly, you have a theory you’d like to discuss.” 

“No. I have a theory  _ you _ would like for me to discuss.” 

“Semantics,” he said with another flippant wave of his hand. 

She shrunk back into her seat a little, suddenly becoming shy. “You already know what the theory is,” she said. Her voice was still steady even if her posture told a different story. 

“Yes, but you seem  _ so  _ sure. I’m interested to hear why.”

“Am I right?” 

“Burden of proof, Little Doe,” he reminded her. 

“Well, I already had suspicions. You never go out in the sunlight, even though it’s clear you can walk about during the day time. I’ve never seen you eat or drink. You stopped a  _ truck _ from hitting me.” She ticked the items off on her finger as she continued. “You can read minds. You can  _ smell  _ me…” she trailed off, looking out the window in thought before turning back to him. 

“All of those could just as easily be explained by some sort of nuclear accident, or a weird illness. You’ll have to do better than that.” 

“You’re cold. Pale.” 

Ben snorted. “So are albinos in Alaska. Next.” 

She took a deep breath, apparently needing to steady herself for whatever was coming next. “I went to the beach yesterday— in D’Qar.” 

He hadn’t expected that. D’Qar wasn’t somewhere the Skywalkers went— not since the treaty. 

“I ran into a friend of Poe’s— Finn Storm. He runs the garage in D’Qar with a guy named Chewie.”  _ Shit. _

She knew the truth— corroborated by the only people who knew without a doubt what his family’s true nature was. He ran through the possible ramifications as the car flew faster down the rainy street. 

But if she knew for sure, and she wasn’t running….what could that mean?

“We went for a walk, and he was telling me some of the urban legends from the area— trying to scare me, I think. It didn’t work,” she scoffed. “He told me one about...vampires.” 

Somehow hearing the word come out of her mouth was...cathartic. She wasn’t screaming it; she wasn’t crying or whimpering in terror— she was calm, relaxed in his presence. 

He needed to know more. “And you immediately thought of me?” he asked. 

“Well, yes. But he also mentioned your family explicitly.” 

How funny it was that Charles Bacca’s little pet would be the one to violate the treaty he’d created to keep both the wolves and the vampires safe. It had been nearly a hundred years since the treaty, so it was only a matter of time he guessed. 

He should have known that it wasn’t the older members of the clan that actually  _ believed  _ in their so-called “urban legends” that would be the danger. Of course the newcomers — those who had only recently heeded the call of their dormant genes —- would be the ones to expose them.

This meant a break in the treaty. If he wanted to, Ben could march down to D’Qar and annihilate the entire clan — but what would be the point?

“Finn thought it was some dumb supersition. He didn’t expect me to think anything of it, I guess.” 

“How did you get him to tell you?” 

“I flirted with him, of course. It worked.” 

“I would’ve liked to have seen that,” he murmured. “You accuse  _ me _ of dazzling people. I bet that poor kid almost had a heart attack.” He couldn’t be angry with the kid— he knew exactly what the force of Rey Niima’s smile could do. Finn Storm had no idea what he’d done, and he couldn’t be blamed for falling for Rey’s charms. 

“So what did you do then?” 

“I went home and thought about it...then I decided that it didn’t matter what you are.” 

“You decided it didn’t  _ matter? _ ”

“Nope. It doesn’t matter to me what you are.” 

“So you don’t care if I’m a monster? If I’m not human?” 

“Not even a little bit.” 

He started to wonder if she was entirely mentally stable. She couldn’t be if she was completely content to sit in a warm enclosed space with an unnatural predator. 

“Are you going to try to tell me I’m wrong again?” she asked, her voice rising in volume and taking on that  _ sassy _ tone he loved.  _ Not now Ben. She’s clearly not stable.  _

He laughed incredulously and threw his head back against the headrest. “That’s not what I mean!” His teeth clenched in frustration, moving past the brief amusement at her anger. “‘ _ It doesn’t matter!’”  _ he mocked scathingly. Of course it mattered. 

“So you’re finally admitting that I’m right?” 

“Does it  _ matter? _ ” 

She didn’t even stop to think for a beat. “Nope,” she said, but then she cocked her head to the side. “I am curious though.” 

Ben’s mood brightened a little, despite his frustration at her clear lack of self preservation instinct. His worst fears and deepest hopes were coming true at this moment, and it was positively terrifying. 

“What are you curious about?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even. 

“How old are you?” 

“I’m twenty-five.” 

She had the gall to  _ laugh _ . “How long have you  _ been _ twenty-five?” 

“A century. Give or take a few years.” He waited for her reaction, but this didn’t seem to phase her at all. 

“Okay, don’t laugh. I’m just gonna go for it, okay?” 

“Alright.” 

“How can you come out during the day?”

He smiled, biting back a laugh. “Myth.” 

“So, burned by the sun?” 

“Myth. Although it does weird things to our skin.” 

“Weird?” 

“We’re very...pale, obviously. And veiny. It’s a bit unsettling in the sunlight.” 

She hummed her understanding, beginning her rapid fire questioning again. “Turning into a bat?” 

“Myth.”

“Garlic? Mirrors?” 

“Myth and myth.” 

“Sleeping in coffins?” 

“Myth. We don’t need to sleep.” 

“Ever?” 

“Technically, no. Although it is a nice indulgence at times.” 

“You slept with me last night,” she stated, although it carried the tone of a question. 

“I did,” he said, meeting her gaze with a small smile on his lips. He’d allowed himself to drift off with her in his arms, and it was the sweetest thing he’d experienced in his immortal existence. He frowned, realizing, “You haven’t asked the most important question yet.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Aren’t you a bit curious about how I count my macros?” 

She laughed out loud. “Yes, I suppose your diet is a bit of a concern. Although, Finn did say something about that.” 

“Did he now,” Ben deadpanned. 

She rolled her eyes. “Yes. He said you and your family live on the blood of animals, so you’re not dangerous to the general population.” 

“He said we weren’t dangerous?” Ben said cynically. He had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

“He said you weren’t  _ supposed  _ to be dangerous. I know that’s not true.” 

Ben laughed, cynically. 

“But maybe I like a little danger,” she added suggestively. Ben rolled his eyes and shook his head, not meeting her gaze. She was a glutton for punishment. “Anyway, was he right?” 

“He was. Though, don’t let that make you complacent. We’re typically very good at what we do— maintaining discretion, not feeding from humans, and all that — but no one is perfect. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you — to  _ sleep _ with you — is a mistake.” 

Rey took in a breath, and Ben felt the air around them thicken. Her breathing sped for a moment before she spoke. “You’re kidding me, right?” she asked flippantly, though her breathing betrayed the hint of panic in her voice. 

He resolved to stay calm. “No, I’m not.” 

She paused for a few minutes, fiddling with her fingers and regulating her breathing before changing the subject. “Tell me more.” 

_ Might as well.  _ “What else do you want to know?” 

“Why do you choose to hunt animals instead of people?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” 

“Not to me. Couldn’t you feed from someone without killing them?” She said it as if this was the most obvious answer. She had no idea how dangerous that particular solution could prove to be. 

“Technically, yes, it’s possible. It takes most...vampires...a few centuries of self control to get to that point. Not to mention, feeding from someone and leaving them alive leaves us open to exposure.” He paused for a moment, deciding how to phrase his next thought. “We don’t... _ want _ to be monsters. But...you’re right. Animals are…lackluster and watery. It’s not the same, and we have to feed more often.” He glanced at her, appraising her reaction. “It keeps the hunger — the  _ thirst  _ — away, and keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time.” His voice grey lower, almost a whisper that came out shamefully. “Sometimes it’s more difficult than others.” 

“And it’s difficult for you now?” 

He tried not to think about his fangs aching in his mouth. “Extremely.” 

“But you’re in control. You’re not hungry now.” 

“What makes you think that?”

“Your eyes are warm. I told you I had a theory about that. Most people are grumpier when they’re hungry.” 

He chuckled. “Grumpy?”

“Yes, grumpy,” she replied. 

“You’re quite observant.”

“Thank you,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Were you hunting with Doph this weekend?” 

“Yes,” he told her, and then on a whim he decided to give more detail. He wanted her to know him, and suddenly that desire was fighting for control of his judgement. “I didn’t want to leave you, but I had to. It’s….very difficult to be around you when I’m thirsty.” 

“Why didn’t you want to leave?” 

He almost rolled his eyes. For someone so observant and intelligent, she really could be quite obtuse. “I feel like it’s obvious, Rey. I always want to be with you. I always want to keep you safe.” His tone had softened by the end of his statement, betraying the softness of his feelings for her. 

“You could have called while you were gone.” 

“I knew you were safe. I didn’t want to bother you.” He was suddenly flushed with self-consciousness. He hadn’t wanted to annoy her or come on too strong. 

“Yeah, but you’re not the only person involved here. I missed you, too.” She’d called him on his unspoken admission. He had missed her— he wouldn’t deny it. Her voice had grown a little weaker, as if her own admission hurt her somehow— as if she was shy.  _ Oh, so now you’re shy? _ The monster within him purred.  _ She had missed him _ . 

_ Are you happy now? _ He wanted to smack himself, but the honest answer was  _ yes.  _ He was elated that she had missed him— that she had wanted to be with him as much as he’d wanted to be with her. It didn’t matter to her that he was a monster— for the same reason it didn’t matter to him that she was supposed to be his prey. Right and wrong were no longer compelling influences between them. 

She cared for him. She wanted him. If his heart could beat, it would have been pounding in that moment. The purring monster won, spurring him to act, to do  _ something _ to solidify this small revelation.  _ They had missed eachother _ . 

He reached for her hand, twining his fingers through hers and tracing his thumb over her skin. She was so delicate— so fragile— but her presence was solid next to him. 

They drove in silence for the rest of the hour, holding hands and not speaking. It wasn’t until Ben pulled his car into her driveway that he turned to her, hooking a leg into the seat to adjust his posture. 

He held her hand in both of his, allowing the warmth to seep through his skin, and steeled himself for what he had to say next. “This is...very wrong,” he said, not moving his eyes from her hand in his. She had to know— had to be aware of the risk she was taking. 

“Says who?” 

“Says nature,” he said, a little playfully. The playfulness was gone in the next breath. “I’m serious. If this continues the way it is...you could get hurt.” 

“I’m just as serious,” she insisted. “I told you, it doesn’t matter to me what you are. There’s no going back now— at least not for me.” The shyness was back at the end of her words, and Ben was still confused. She’d been so bold that morning, and so full of life in the restaurant. Where was this shyness coming from? 

He was watching her hand as he played with it between his own when he heard her breath catch. When he looked up and saw a tear trailing down her cheek, he couldn’t hold back anymore. Seeing her in pain was agony. 

He reached for her, pulling her across the middle console of the car and into his lap. He held her to his chest as she curled into a ball against him, tucking her head under his chin and holding her knees to her chest. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into her hair. He was holding his breath now, trying to keep a rein on his emotion. He wanted to comfort her, wanted to hold her and touch her and kiss her, but he couldn’t— not with his emotions running like this. 

It was similar to the way he had felt when she’d bared herself to him that morning— only now he felt raw emotion on top of the undercurrent of desire. He couldn’t trust himself. He was sorry: sorry for putting her in harm’s way like this, sorry that she had been the one to inspire the awakening of this particular monster, sorry that he loved her. 

_ No.  _ He couldn’t be sorry for that. 

But he also couldn’t say it to her just yet, not when he hadn’t even said it aloud to himself. He broke the silence and changed the subject. “Tell me something,” he muttered, setting his chin to rest on top of her head, still not breathing. 

“Yeah?” she asked, tears still straining her voice ever so slightly. 

“What were you thinking last night? When you recognized me?” 

She paused for a moment, thinking it over. “Pass.” 

“I thought we were past all the evasiveness,” and with those words he was out of air. He had to breathe if he wanted to speak to her again. He braced himself for the scorching in his throat, feeling the ache in his gums as his fangs distended into his mouth. 

“I was thinking about how glad I was to see you, and how even though you were so cold, you made me warmer,” she muttered, pulling his attention back to her. 

He huffed a light laugh, not responding to her with words. He didn’t have any. 

Instead, he allowed his hands to trail up her back, stroking her lightly through the ivory cardigan she wore. He felt her melt into his touch and wondered how in the hell he was supposed to keep any sort of restraint around her. She was so warm, and soft, and willing— no,  _ enthusiastic _ — every time he touched her. He couldn’t fathom why. She was perfect, and he was...a monster. He was cold and hard. Nothing about him invited touch, and yet here she was, snuggled up under his chin like it was the most comfortable place to be. 

He was in awe of her, and as she lifted her head from his chest to look at him, his restraint flew by the wayside. The burning didn’t matter, and his fangs would be a  _ minor  _ obstacle, but he would be gentle. Her eyes were red-rimmed and a little puffy, but her lips looked so soft and pliant, a rosy red against her pale skin. 

His hand slid up from her back to her hair, holding her against him as he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers softly. 

He thought he’d been prepared for this sensation. He’d seen plenty of people kiss in his lifetime— human and vampire alike. He thought he knew what to expect with kissing. 

  
He was dead wrong. The touch of her lips lit the embers under his skin into flames, changing him— binding him to her irrevocably. 

Rey felt the combustion too, it seemed, because she gasped against his lips, opening for him as he tentatively slid his tongue across her lower lip. She’d invited him in, and though it was unwise for him to accept this invitation, he did it anyway. He was breaking all the rules now. 

It was all well and good while he did the exploring — holding her still with a hand in her hair as he kissed and licked, and sucked at her mouth gently — but when Rey’s tongue slid up to meet his, he knew he’d gone too far. The idea of her wanting him, exploring him, touching him…

He had to keep himself in check. If he lost himself to this desire, how closely would the more sinister desires lurk beneath the surface? 

He loosened the hand in her hair, and pulled back gently, looking into her eyes and seeing nothing but a glowing affection. All trace of sadness was gone from her as a smile spread across her face. His expression mirrored hers, as he smiled back, pulling her back to kiss her forehead. “That wasn’t as hard as I thought,” he said against her skin. 

“I hope not. I’d like to do...a lot more of that.” 

He laughed out loud, pulling back to look at her face. He could smell her blush, and his throat burned, but his other instincts were so much more important in that moment. “So would I, sweetheart.” 

She smiled and leaned back down to rest against his chest. They sat silently for a few moments before she asked, “Will I see you tomorrow?” 

If she thought she could keep him away from her for more than a day after this moment, she was mistaken. “Yes— I have nowhere else to be,” he replied with a smile. 

Her heart fluttered, and her blush deepened. His stone heart felt warm. 

“You promise?” she asked, suddenly shy again. 

He placed his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back to look at her solemnly. “I promise.” 

She nodded, leaning away and climbing back into the passenger’s seat. She was still wearing his sweater, and something primal in him  _ loved  _ it. 

“You can keep the cardigan,” he said. 

She looked at him incredulously. “Did you think I was planning to give it back?” 

_ Oh.  _ “It would have been the polite thing to do, so I guess I should have known better.” 

She flipped him off, smiled, and got out of the car, tripping over her feet just a little. 

_ Dazzled.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/kayla_248) and say hi!
> 
> Have a listed to the [Spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4CZ3MRnW7wTL8nwPxCViLK) for this fic!


	11. take your heart out of your holster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey make their relationship a little more public. Rey spends some time in self reflection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *It's been 84 years* 
> 
> Sorry for the long time between updates! The holidays were super busy, but I'm back! 
> 
> Chapter title is from "The Corner" by Dermot Kennedy. Don't forget to go check out the playlist posted in chapter 1!

Ben waited until she had stumbled to the front door before pulling out of the driveway, and speeding off into the misty morning. 

Rey watched for a moment, unable to take her eyes off of the retreating car. She was in a daze, completely overwhelmed by the events of the past twelve hours. She was pulled out of her reverie by the biting wind whipping her hair in her face. She fumbled with the front door, seeking warmth, and the comforting familiarity of her bedroom. 

“Rey?” Poe called from the kitchen. 

“Hey, yeah it’s me.” 

“I made you a hangover cocktail if you need it. It’s called ‘water and Advil’.” He used his head to gesture toward the countertop where he’d set a glass of water and two blue pills for her. 

“Yeah, actually, that sounds great,” she said with a light laugh. She was thankful that Poe wasn’t playing the ‘stern brother’ card, and had opted to treat her like an adult. He was good for that. 

“Did you guys have fun?” 

“We did, actually,” she said absently. Poe was great, but she wasn’t quite ready to spill the beans about Ben yet. Their relationship felt like an intimate secret, and she wasn’t prepared to give that up. She spun her thoughts, trying to remember all the way back to early the night before. “They both found some really great dance partners, I guess.” Rey laughed a little at her own innuendo, as Poe snorted into his coffee. 

“What about you?” 

“Oh, I uh, I prefer to go solo I guess.” Again, the puns coming out of her brain this morning were ridiculous. She held back her laugh this time. 

“Okay...you alright? You seem kinda off.” The worry was apparent in his voice. 

“I’m fine. I just need to go lie down.” 

“No class today?” 

“Nah. I’m playing hooky. Gotta sleep off the headache.” She was starting to get dizzy, her body finally catching up to the shock of the mornings’ revelations. 

Rey’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she picked up without even looking at the caller-ID. 

“Hello?” Rey mumbled into the receiver. 

“Rey? Are you ok?” Kaydel was on the other end of the phone, sounding worried and more than a little curious. 

“Yeah, totally fine. I was actually about to text you.” 

“You made it home ok?” 

“Yeah,” she said noncommittally. No reason to tell Kaydel  _ when _ she’d gotten home. 

“Okay...fill me in on the details? You’ll be in class tomorrow, right?” 

“Yeah I will be. I’ll..fill you in.”  _ Maybe.  _

“Okay, we’ll talk then. Bye!” She hung up before Rey could even respond. 

Rey grunted a dismissal to Poe, letting him know that she was heading upstairs to nap off her hangover. In truth, her symptoms were much less related to the residual effects of the alcohol, and much more related to her body going into a mild state of shock. Regardless, she took the pills and chugged the glass of water on her way up to her room, hoping to quell the effects as much as possible. 

She made it to the top of the stairs, and immediately went to the bathroom and turned the shower as hot as possible, hoping the heat would bring her back down into her skin. Slowly, the steam relaxed her rigid muscles, and her quiet shivering began to cease. 

When the water started to run cold she climbed out, wrapped herself in a towel and stumbled to her room before falling into bed. She burrowed her way into the blankets, making a cocoon around her naked body. 

Her mind spun, full of images that she’d tried to repress, some that she couldn’t fully understand. Images of Ben crouched in a hunting stance, blood running down his face. Images of her limp body hanging from his arms, blood running down her neck. She couldn’t reconcile these images with the man that she knew, but as she succumbed to unconsciousness, her mind began to clear.

There were now three things of which Rey was absolutely certain. First, Ben would never hurt her. That knowledge came as easily and as naturally as breathing. Second, and much harder to reckon with, was the certainty that some part of Ben  _ wanted  _ to hurt her— that thirsted for her blood on a instinctual level. And third— she was stupidly, irrevocably, and unconditionally in love with him. 

* * *

The next morning, it was hard for Rey to convince herself that the last two days hadn’t been a dream. Logic and common sense weren’t on her side, but she clung like a vise to the things she couldn’t have imagined— his smell, the feel of his lips on hers, his ice-cold skin…

She had spent the entirety of Monday in bed, sleeping like a rock for most of it, and tossing around for the final few hours. Waking up and getting ready for class was a feat that her body hadn’t felt prepared for. Her mind was still in recovery but was somehow guiding her through the sleep-clouded haze.

She dressed in a light long-sleeve black t-shirt, remembering that she still had Ben’s cardigan crumpled on her bathroom floor. Immediately, she scurried to the bathroom to retrieve it— suddenly needing the proof that the evening before had been real. She pulled it on, consciously stopping herself from rubbing the soft fabric against her face. She had her dignity. 

When Rey finally made it downstairs, Poe had already left for work. She was obviously running late, so she grabbed a granola bar from the cabinet and poured some lukewarm coffee from the pot into her to-go mug before racing out the door. 

It was unusually foggy; the air was thick with it— cold where it hit against her skin as she raced to her car. She’d made it about halfway to where she knew her car was waiting before running into something decidedly hard and  _ metal. _

“I thought maybe… Do you want to ride with me today?” Ben was standing on the other side of the car that she’d just rammed her knee into, attempting to hide an amused expression. He’d caught her off guard, yet again. Beneath the amusement, Rey could see apprehension in his eyes. He was giving her a choice, but the fear of rejection still lingered. 

“Yes, I’d love to,” she said, keeping her voice calm and refusing to betray her excitement. His eyes flashed with brief happiness, and then clouded slightly in...disappointment?  _ Ah, yes. His altruistic instincts.  _ Part of him had hoped she’d say no— still held onto the hope that he could protect her by keeping her at arm’s length.  _ Well, fuck that.  _ He walked around to open the car door for her, and as soon as she was inside, and he was seated next to her, she reached out to grasp his hand. 

He didn’t grasp her hand back, but he didn’t pull away either. “Nice sweater,” he said. 

“Thanks. Some random guy gave it to me the other day…” she said, trailing off with a smirk. 

Her joke had the desired effect as his hand relaxed and gripped hers and his nervous exterior thawed. She glanced over at him, taking note of the light-grey v-neck that clung to his chiseled chest and defined arm muscles. Her eyes made their way up to his cut jawline to meet his amber-colored eyes swimming with mirth. “See something you like?” he quipped. 

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m still trying to decide,” Rey replied with a smile as she continued to run her eyes from his face down to his clearly over-priced ankle boots. 

“Are you?” he contradicted, in a low voice. The insecurity was there, even if only slightly. Rey squeezed his hand reassuringly, and they continued their drive in silence. Yesterday, all of the walls had been down — every card had been played— but today, despite his attempts at humor, Rey could feel the tension like a barrier between them. Rey didn’t know how to be anything but candid, so she kept her mouth shut and waited for him to speak. 

“No inquisition today?” he asked. The fakely lighthearted tone was back. 

“Do my questions bother you?” 

“No. It’s just...odd. Telling the truth, I mean.” 

Rey huffed. “I try not to react terribly.” 

He snorted. “If anything, you react  _ too _ well. It makes me wonder what’s really going through that pretty head of yours.” 

“I’ll show you ‘pretty head’…” she muttered under her breath, crossing her arms petulantly. She’d forgotten that he could hear her until he snorted and laughed out loud. She blushed deeply, and immediately changed the subject. “I always tell you what I’m thinking, Ben.” 

“You edit,” he said, his voice still tight with laughter as he glanced at her. 

Rey refused to meet his eyes. “Nuhuh.” 

“Yes huh.” 

“They aren’t things you’d want to hear,” Rey said, all traces of teasing gone for the moment. She knew physical affection made him uncomfortable, but that he craved it all the same. It didn’t seem fair to him for her to voice those thoughts whenever they popped into her head. 

Ben was still playing dumb. “And what makes you say that?”

“You barely let me touch you, that’s what,” she said, a trace of venom seeping into her voice. It was difficult not to feel resentful when every part of her ached to show him affection.

He, on the other hand, was smirking like it was absolutely not a big deal. “Oh, so they’re  _ those  _ kinds of thoughts?” 

“Honestly? Yeah. Most of the time,” Rey said, her blush deepening.  _ Jesus, this is embarrassing.  _

“Am I to assume you only want me for my body then, Rey?” Oh, he was enjoying this  _ far _ too much. 

Rey’s eyebrow rose in challenge as she met his eyes. “Absolutely,” she said. Ben met her gaze and smiled, a little more shyly this time, before squeezing her hand again. They had pulled into the school parking lot before the thought dawned on her. “Where’s the rest of your family?” She was glad to be alone with him, but his car was usually full. 

“They took Rose’s car.” He shrugged as he parked next to a bright yellow Audi. “Pretty ridiculous, isn’t it?” 

“Um...you mean pretty  _ awesome? _ ” Rey’s mouth was watering with the need to check out the engine on that car. Her experience with the shop in Jakku hadn’t been the best, but the hardship hadn’t killed her love for cars— the inner workings of a vehicle were an artform that so many people failed to appreciate, including Ben apparently. “If she has  _ that _ , then why do they ride with you?” 

She realized she’d mildly insulted him with the comment when he held his hand to his heart in mock anguish. “You wound me, Rey. Are you saying my car doesn’t have style?” 

“I’m saying your car doesn’t have  _ that _ style. Or a v8 engine.” 

“Exactly. We don’t  _ try _ to be ostentatious. We try to  _ blend in _ , remember?” 

Rey shrugged. No amount of  _ blending in _ would make her give up riding in that gorgeous piece of machinery every day. “Well, you’re too gorgeous to  _ blend in _ , didn’t you know?” She was shamelessly flirting at this point. She’d already fucked up with the  _ pretty head  _ comment, so why not go down with the sinking ship? 

He looked at her for a second, before getting out of the car and meeting her around the passenger side, opening the door and pulling her into his chest. Before she could get her footing — or catch her breath for that matter — Ben’s lips were pressed to hers and his hands were settled tenderly on her waist. 

Rey’s hands remained frozen where they’d come to rest on his chest. She didn’t want to push him too far, but it was hard not to melt into him just a little when he engulfed her senses so completely. The kiss was gentle, barely more than a soft brushing of lips, but the public setting, coupled with the fact that he was  _ touching _ her, had her weak in the knees. 

He pulled away too soon, his eyes remaining closed as his hands came up to grasp hers. “Easier every time…” he muttered, pressing his forehead against hers. “You know, you’re not so bad looking yourself,” he said more confidently, pulling away to smirk down at her before pulling her hands from his chest and placing a light kiss on her fingertips. He stepped away, giving her room to lead the way to class, and fell into step beside her. The small distance between them made Rey ache, which annoyed her. She wasn’t used to needing people this way. Ben was there to soothe the ache, throwing his arm over her shoulders and pulling her close— somehow knowing her better than she gave him credit for. 

Rey was still curious though. “Why do you even have cars like that if you want to blend in?” 

“Just for fun. We all like to go fast,” he said with a sly smile. 

“Of course,” she muttered under her breath. What she wouldn’t  _ give _ to get behind the wheel of a car like that…

As they approached the overhang of the campus cafe, Rey could see Kaydel waiting for her with a wide grin on her face and her eyes practically bugging out of her head. 

“Hey Kay,” Rey said, suddenly incredibly conscious of the man currently attached to her right hand. Kaydel didn’t respond. 

“Good morning Kaydel,” Ben said politely. The swift change from roguish humor to utter politeness was jarring in the best way. It really wasn’t his fault that his voice was so  _ sultry _ , but he sure knew how to use it to his advantage. 

“Um...hey, Ben…” She looked from Rey to Ben quickly, seemingly not able to put the pieces together. “I guess I’ll see you in class later?” She gave Rey a  _ ‘you better spill’  _ look, and Rey almost rolled her eyes. Why did she feel the need to be so nosy?

“Yeah, see you.” 

She walked away, pausing twice to look back as if to confirm that what she was seeing was real. 

“So what’s your story going to be? Drunken one-night stand?” He raised his eyebrow expectantly, waiting for her answer. 

Rey rolled her eyes. “I think the fact that we’re holding hands and kissing in public would imply that it  _ wasn’t  _ a one-night stand.” 

“So you’re going to tell her we’re  _ going steady  _ then?” 

She almost rolled her eyes again at the antiquated term, but managed to keep them firmly in place. She shrugged. “Are we?” 

“Well I’m not exactly planning on kissing anyone else, so…” Ben ran a hand through his hair before shoving both hands in his pockets and shrugging. 

Rey smiled at his sudden uncertainty. He was adorably awkward when it counted. “Ben, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” 

“That depends.” 

It was Rey’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “On?” 

“On whether or not you’d say yes.” The words were rushed, as if he’d had to force them out of his chest. 

Rey felt herself melting again. “Yes, Ben. I’ll be your girlfriend.” 

“Great. That’s...great.” He took a deep — if unnecessary— breath, and ran his hand through his hair in a way that made Rey jealous.  _ She  _ wanted to run her fingers through his hair. Before her mind could trail too far down that path, he spoke. “I uh...I guess I’ll see you at lunch.” He reached down and grabbed her hand, probably a little too fast if anyone was watching, and pulled it to his lips for a swift kiss. He grinned at her, dropped her hand, and turned to walk away before Rey could catch her breath again. 

The way he could go from shy, to wolfish, to disarmingly sweet in a matter of minutes gave her whiplash and stole her breath. He  _ had  _ to know what he did to her. If he didn’t, he was either blind or stupid, and due to his... _ nature _ , Rey knew he was neither. 

She walked to class in a daze, flushed and elated. She wasn’t worried about what she was going to say to anyone. He wasn’t a secret— not anymore. 

She wandered through the morning, lost in a haze of her own thoughts before making it to English class. She was immediately bombarded with questions from Kaydel before she could even take a seat. 

“You have to tell me everything!”

_ Um, actually I don’t.  _ “What do you want to know?” 

“What happened to you Sunday night? And where were you yesterday?” 

“Ben beat up some creep that was hitting on me, and we went to a hotel where I promptly passed out. Then we had breakfast, and he took me home.”  _ Stick to the basics, Rey.  _

“Did you like...tell him to meet you at the club?” 

“Nope. He just happened to be in the area.” 

“So you spent the night with him,” she said suggestively. When Rey didn’t take the bait, she continued. “Did you...you know…?” 

“No, we didn’t. I was super drunk, and he was a perfect gentleman.” It was hard not to look disappointed. 

“But he picked you up today?” she pressed. 

“Yeah. That was a surprise too, but a pleasant one.” 

“So are you guys like, together?” 

Rey shrugged, but her smile was anything but casual. “Yeah. I guess we are.” 

“Holy shit. Ben fucking Solo,” Kaydel enthused with an incredulous laugh.

“Yeah, I know.” Kaydel’s laughter was infectious, and soon Rey was giggling along with her. 

When their laughter died down, it became clear that Kay wasn’t finished with her questioning. “What did you guys talk about?” 

“Uh, I don’t know. The conversation just...flowed I guess.” 

“Oh, come on Rey. Give me  _ something. _ ” 

“Okay, fine.” Rey took a moment to contemplate which detail would be the least damning to share. “You should have seen the IHOP waitress flirting with him. It was absolutely ridiculous. But he didn’t pay her any attention at all.” There. She’d staked her claim, and made it obvious that she was the focus of his attention. 

Kay raised an eyebrow. “Was she pretty?” 

“Oh yeah. And her tits were definitely twice the size of mine.” 

“Maybe he has a thing for tiny titties,” she said with a laugh. “That’s a good sign!” 

“Maybe he does,” she said with a laugh. “It’s hard to tell how he really feels sometimes. I don’t even know if he’s really all that attracted to me. He’s very...shy.” 

“Shy? More like super intimidating.” Kaydel shook her head. “I don’t know how you’re brave enough to be alone with him. I wouldn’t know what to say.” 

“I definitely get a little incoherent around him.”  _ That’s an understatement.  _

“Well, yeah. He’s unbelievably gorgeous.” 

“There’s more to him than that,” Rey said defensively. It angered her to think that someone could be too blind to see Ben’s kindness, his grace, his intelligence. Yes, he was gorgeous, but he was so much more than that. 

“Yeah, sure,” she said, waving Rey off as if Ben’s other characteristics didn’t matter.  _ Oh well. Her opinion doesn’t matter anyway.  _ “So, you like him then?” 

“Yes,” Rey said bluntly. She felt ridiculous stating the obvious. 

“I mean like, you  _ really  _ like him?” 

Rey’s eye twitched. Why was she friends with Kaydel again? “Yes.” 

“How  _ much _ do you like him?” Clearly she wasn’t going to be satisfied with singly-syllable answers. 

“A lot. Probably more than he likes me, but I guess that’s to be expected,” Rey said, her ire fading into a hint of insecurity. 

Class was called into session then, and Rey was saved from having to answer any more follow-up questions from Kaydel. Her mind wandered while the professor lectured, and soon enough class was over. Her lunch break followed, and it took all of her effort not to jump out of her seat and sprint across campus. 

Ben was waiting for her outside of the door to the cafe, leaning against the wall casually— and looking devastatingly handsome. “Hey,” he said with the shy smile that was quickly growing to be her favorite of his. Beneath the shy smile was a twinkle in his eye that betrayed his amusement. He’d been listening to her conversation with Kaydel— that much was obvious. 

“Hey yourself,” Rey said with a raised eyebrow, calling his bluff. If he wanted to call her out on anything she’d said to Kaydel, he had an open invitation. He didn’t take it though— just smirked and led her into the cafe by the small of her back. 

Walking into the cafe with Ben was... _ interesting _ . Everyone stared. 

He didn’t speak as Rey walked them through the line to order coffee and a sandwich. Ben, of course, didn’t order anything. He just followed her dutifully— always keeping his eyes on her, and touching her in some small way. Hands softly pressed the small of her back, or brushed against her fingertips— each touch just as electrifying as the last. When Rey’s food came out Ben carried it to their table for her. 

As they sat down, Rey picked up the apple that had come with her sandwich. “What would happen if you took a bite of this?” 

Ben’s brow furrowed in confusion at her sudden line of questioning. “I don’t know Rey. What would happen if I asked you to eat dirt?” 

She eyed the apple as if it were a speck of dirt. “I mean...it depends on the incentive I guess.”

“My point being that you could, couldn’t you?” he asked with an eye roll. 

Rey shrugged, but Ben was distracted by something behind her. “Kaydel is analyzing my every move because she seems to think you need a confidence boost. According to her, my affection for you is obvious,” he said wryly, again with that hint of amusement in his features. 

_ Okay, so we’re going there.  _ Rey blushed, but didn’t wither under his heated gaze. How he managed to look so shy, and so incredibly intense all at once was lost on her. She shook herself from his gaze, and took a bite of the apple— meeting his gaze again with a mouthful of fruit. She raised her eyebrow, waiting for him to start in on his analysis. 

“So the waitress had big tits, did she?” he said, barely able to keep the amusement from his voice. 

“As if you could  _ actually  _ miss them…” she said around a mouthful of apple. 

“I wasn’t exactly paying attention to her. I had a lot on my mind.” 

“Poor thing,” she said with mock pity. 

His expression changed a bit then, drooping ever so slightly with his eyebrows drawing together in concentration. “Something you said to Kaydel kind of...bothers me.” 

“Care to enlighten me?” she asked. She’d leaned into him, elbows propped on the table with the apple hanging from one hand, while Ben leaned in on crossed arms. 

“Do you  _ really _ think I’m not attracted to you? That I don’t want you...more than I’ve ever wanted anything?” 

Rey balked at that. His voice had dropped an octave, in the way that made her clench below the waist. It was hard to feel insecure when he was looking at her like that. But, that didn’t change the way she felt when he pulled away from her too soon, or when he held himself back from her advances. She’d spent so much of her life only knowing how to express her feelings physically. It felt crippling to not be able to love him the way she wanted to...the only way she knew  _ how.  _

Rey wanted to say all of that, but she didn’t. “Yes. Sometimes I really think that.” 

“I don’t know how to prove that you’re wrong,” he said, leaning back and resting his hands on the table. Rey raised her eyebrows again, clearly demonstrating that she definitely  _ did _ know how he could prove her wrong. Ben rolled his eyes. “ _ Safely,  _ Rey,” he said with another eye roll. “Can’t you just...believe me?” Rey could hear the desperation in his voice, and it softened her exponentially. She knew she was being unfair. 

“I can try,” she murmured softly. Her own insecurity was bleeding through— the idea of learning to express her emotions was terrifying, but he was worth it. Maybe with time, he’d grow more comfortable, but until then she would work with him. 

“Help me understand why you feel that way,” he said earnestly, his expression still desperate as he grasped for understanding. 

“Well...obviously you’re you and I’m...me,” she said quickly, moving on before he could argue. “And honestly, it feels like you’re always trying to push me away and pull me in at the same time. I can’t…” She took a deep breath, trying not to cry like she had in the car. “I can’t keep up. It feels like you’re trying to get me to say goodbye.” Her voice had softened to a whisper, betraying the ache she felt in her stomach at the thought of leaving him. 

“Smart,” he said, averting his eyes again. He paused then, narrowing his eyes as if he’d just thought of something troubling. “What do you mean ‘obviously’?” 

“I mean, look at you. You’re...extraordinary. And I’m completely ordinary.” Rey thought of all of the times she’d had to use her meager looks to gain any sort of favor in her life. She was nothing special— only wanted for what she had to give. 

“You’re anything but ordinary,” he said, no longer averting his eyes before chuckling darkly. “You didn’t hear what every man on this campus was thinking on your first day.” 

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “No fucking way.” 

“Yes fucking way. Trust me, please. You’re the opposite of ordinary.” 

“Then why do you push me away?” she asked, finally pushing through the wall she’d kept up to avoid asking that question. 

“Don’t you get it? If leaving you— or convincing you to leave — is the safest thing for you, I’d do it.” His conviction was disarming, and his eyes blazed as he spoke. “I’m not fully convinced that it isn’t, so I haven’t stopped trying.” 

Rey’s independent streak flared up immediately. “And you don’t think I can make that decision for myself?” She’d spent so much of her life having choices taken from her by circumstance. How dare he presume to make this one for her?

“I don’t think you have all of the information needed to make an informed choice.” 

“Inform me, then,” she clipped. 

Ben wasn’t phased by her anger. “In due time, Little Doe. Don’t rush it.” 

“I’m not exactly patient, Ben.” 

“Yes, I’m aware,” he said with an exaggerated eye roll. “Hey, did you really need to go to Seattle this weekend, or is it alright if we do something else?” 

She’d cooled down enough to acknowledge that she still wanted to spend Saturday with him. “I’m down for anything,” she said only a little skeptically. “What did you have in mind?” 

“Well, you asked me to inform you. The sun will be out this weekend, so I’ll be keeping to myself. I was thinking you could stay with me...if you wanted to.” 

Her heart skipped. “I want to.” 

“You should tell Poe where you’re going.” 

“Why?” Rey’s plans weren’t really any of Poe’s business, unless she chose to include him. She didn’t need a guardian. 

“I’ll need  _ some _ incentive to bring you back,” he said with a devilish smile. He looked like he wanted to eat her...in more ways than one.  _ Then don’t bring me back _ , she wanted to say. 

“Mmm...I think I’ll take my chances,” she replied with an answering smirk. When Ben didn’t respond, she changed the subject. “So, you went hunting this weekend?” 

“Yeah. Doph likes bears, so…” He shrugged. 

“What do you like?”

“It depends. I don’t have a strong animal preference.” 

“But you do have a preference.” 

His eyes grew dark— dangerous. “Yes. I do.” 

Rey cleared her throat and shuffled uncomfortably.  _ Jesus, Rey, he’s talking about human blood. Why are you turned on right now?  _ “So um, what’s it like? Hunting? How do you take down a bear?” 

“We’re very strong— Doph especially, despite his size. He hunts like a bear, actually,” Ben said while smiling fondly. His affection for his family was endearing. 

“And you? Do you hunt like a bear?”

“More like a tiger, I think. I prefer to attack quietly.” He raised an eyebrow at her.  _ Oh. He’s flirting. Or trying to scare me.  _

“Hm. I’m sure you do,” she responded, aiming for a flippant tone. She would not let this phase her, much to Ben’s irritation. 

“Are you finished? We’re going to be late for class.” 

“Um, yeah,” Rey said as she stood. Ben had taken her plate of food and placed it in the dish bin already, and then came to stand next to her as she gathered her things. Before she could place her backpack on her shoulder, he had already taken it out of her hands to carry it. 

“Gentleman, remember?” Rey’s stomach fluttered at the smile on his face.  _ These mood swings are getting out of hand.  _

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” she said with a roll of her eyes. She followed him out of the cafeteria, anticipation for the coming weekend taking over her mind as they walked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please follow me on twitter @kayla_248 and leave me some love! I literally breathe for your comments, so...yeah.


	12. God knows nothing else is gonna heal me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben play 20 questions, and we learn about Rey's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Heal Me by Lady Gaga
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the banter in this chapter! Things get a little heavy in the next one, but that's part of the rollercoaster!

Ben had hell to pay when he arrived at the Skywalker home that evening. He parked his car in the garage, steeling himself for the verbal onslaught that he knew he’d be walking into. He could hear it — every angry thought coming from their heads— Phasma’s being the loudest. 

Before Ben could even make it to the front door of the house, Gwen had ripped it off the hinges. She planted herself in the doorway, filling it up with her tall frame as if she could intimidate him into cowering. Ben stopped at the bottom of the steps and crossed his arms across his chest. 

“I’m sorry, Phas,” he told her, before she could start shrieking at him. 

_How. Could. You._

Doph made his way to the doorway to stand behind Gwen, placing a hand on her arm to keep her planted firmly in place. He knew if she started a brawl, there would be no stopping. In their time with the First Order, they’d never learned to hold back in a fight. 

“I’m sorry,” he told her again. But he wasn’t. He was the happiest he’d ever been. He was sorry for any consequences this would have for his family, but that was it. 

_Fuck your apologies Solo. You’ve screwed us. Are you happy now?_

“Yes, actually,” he said, unable to lie. 

Phasma’s fist hit him square in the jaw, forcing Ben to stagger back a bit. Okay. Maybe he deserved that one. 

Ben rubbed his jaw a bit as the skin healed back over from the small scrape she’d made. “Is that really how you want this to go?” 

She didn’t answer, just plowed through with more questions as Doph held onto both of her arms this time. “Why did you do it? Why would you tell her? After everything we’ve worked for, everything we’ve _fought_ for?” 

Rey’s face flashed across her mind, a lifeless caricature of the face that he loved. She didn’t understand the appeal. She couldn’t wrap her mind around why Ben would sacrifice everything for a mortal woman he barely knew. 

But underneath all of the confusion, was envy. Rey was human. She had opportunities and a life ahead of her, and Gwen hated her for squandering it away by tempting fate. 

“She’s worth it,” Ben said with conviction. Gwen slackened a little, no longer pulling at Doph’s arms in an attempt to get at Ben. Doph let go and came to stand beside his mate. 

“How did she find out? Did you just...come out and say it?” 

“No,” he said, and placed his hands in front of him in a _stop_ motion. “Don’t overreact, but there was a breach.” 

“A breach?” 

“Rey made friends with one of Chewie’s kids.” Phasma froze, and the look of shock on her face would have been comical in any other circumstance. 

Leia materialized in the doorway, behind Phasma and Doph. This wasn’t just a fight between Ben and Phasma anymore— it was becoming a family affair. 

“We should’ve known he’d warn the new arrivals, Leia. They don’t give it much credit as more than just an urban legend. The kid that told her didn’t actually believe any of it, and he didn’t expect her to either.” 

Leia contemplated this for a moment, but completely kept her cool. “You’re right. It’s just bad luck, I think. She’s a smart one, Ben. She would have put the pieces together eventually.” 

Phasma rolled her eyes. “If he’d just kept away from her, she wouldn’t know _anything._ ”

“You’re not wrong,” he said, refusing to apologize anymore. What was done, was done. 

“I’m going to wreck your car. The BMW,” she said with a raise of her eyebrows. Her thoughts flitted to an image of the car on fire. She was goading him— testing his reaction. 

He didn’t give her one. “Enjoy it. I’ll just buy a new one.” 

“You’re no fun,” she replied, stomping off into the house. Her thoughts shied away from wrecking the car, especially if it wasn’t going to hurt Ben. She couldn’t bring herself to destroy such a beautiful piece of machinery. 

“She’ll come around,” Doph said, clapping Ben on the shoulder.

Leia snorted from her position by the front door. “Yeah. We’ll see about that.” 

The way Ben saw it, she didn’t have a choice. 

* * *

The next morning Ben was waiting in Rey’s driveway, watching as she walked through the fog in a beige sweater that clung to her naturally tanned skin in an innocently sinful way. She wore the boots he’d had Rose buy for her, and something about that made him feel warm inside. 

Ben took a deep breath, ignoring the burning in his throat and settling into the warmth of her presence from the opposite side of the car. He smiled at her, and if he had a heart it would’ve jumped at her answering smile. 

“Good morning. How did you sleep?” 

She had dark purple circles under her eyes that contrasted with the hazel green of her irises. The effect was startling in the best way. “Not great, but I’m doing okay,” she answered. 

“You look tired,” Ben said, but then he grimaced. That didn’t sound like a compliment.

“Gee, thanks,” she said with a teasing smile. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Wow, what a coincidence. Neither could I.” 

“Does that mean you’re going to be grumpy today?” 

He grinned at her. “Me? Grumpy? Never.” He walked around the car to open the passenger door for her. Once they’d both settled in the car, he spoke again. “So, you’ve had all the time in the world to ask me questions. It’s my turn to interrogate _you_.” He winked at her, hoping to soften her exterior just a bit. She wasn’t the best with vulnerability. 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Okay. Do your worst.” 

“What’s your favorite color?” 

“Easy. Green.” 

“What type of green?” 

“Forest green. I grew up surrounded by so much….brown. So much dust. When I moved here...I had no idea there was this much green in the whole galaxy. Green is _life_ , you know?” 

“Yeah…” Her eyes were green, and she _was_ his life now. “It really is.” He realized that his gaze was probably too intense for the moment, but he couldn’t help himself. _Get it together Ben._ But he didn’t. He reached out and placed his hand on the side of her neck, cupping around the back of her head and pulling her in for a gentle kiss on the lips. 

She was warm, and soft. Her breath smelled like spearmint, and coffee, and Rey: a mixture of her smoky sweet blood, coffee beans, sunshine, and lavender. Her lips molded to his slightly, but she kept perfectly still, respecting his boundaries. He was grateful for small mercies. 

He pulled back from her, placing his hand on the steering wheel. “Okay. Next question,” he said. He pretended his voice wasn’t shaking. “Who’s your top artist on Spotify right now?”

Rey laughed a little and a blush crept across her cheeks. “You have to promise not to laugh.” 

“Okay.”

“It’s Taylor Swift.” 

Ben snorted in an effort to hold back his chuckle. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, really. “I thought you weren’t like other girls,” he said teasingly. 

“I’m not, but Folklore slaps.” 

“You’re not wrong,” Ben shrugged. “Which song is your favorite?” 

“Oh, um...it depends on my mood.” She thought for a moment, staring out the car window into the rain. “Today, it’s probably _Peace._ ” 

_Would it be enough, if I could never give you peace?_ Ben knew the song; Rose had played the album to death when it first came out. He ached a little at the thought of Rey asking herself such a question. She’d always be enough for him. Peace was overrated. 

Ben squeezed her hand. “Favorite scent?”

“Probably lavender, or maybe eucalyptus...and sandalwood.” 

“Sandalwood?” 

Rey blushed. “Mmhmm.” She didn’t say anything else, and it left him a little confused. He had no idea what sandalwood smelled like. 

“Okay. What’s your favorite candy?” 

“Reese’s cups. No question.” She smiled, and Ben chuckled at her decisiveness on that particular topic. 

At that moment, they arrived in the ACC parking lot, but neither of them made a move to get out of the car. “Where would you like to travel to most?” 

She narrowed her eyes in thought, bringing an adorable scrunch to her forehead. Ben chuckled, and leaned down to kiss the furrow in her brow. “You can give me your answer at lunch.” She smiled, squeezed his hand and got out of the car to head to class while Ben stared after her, lost in the sway of her steps as she walked. 

* * *

  
  


“Costa Rica,” Rey announced as she plopped down at their usual lunch table in the cafe. “It’s warm, but also green and it has beaches where you can actually _get in the water._ I’d also love to see New York, and LA. I’ve never been to any big cities, and I just...I don’t know. I feel like they’d be bustling with life.” 

“That makes sense. The cities aren’t all they’re cracked up to be, but the jungles of Costa Rica are beautiful.” 

Her eyes lit up. “You’ve been?” 

“I’m asking the questions today.” 

“Fine,” she said with a pout, and the sight of her pouting _did_ something to him. 

Ben pressed on. “Tell me about the places you’ve been.” 

“Well, I’ve only really been here. And Jakku.” She looked up bashfully through her lashes, and shrugged. Her hand came up to play with a stray lock of her hair nervously. “I’m sorry I’m not very interesting.” 

“On the contrary. I find you _very_ interesting,” he replied in an attempt to reassure her. She didn’t look convinced, but he persisted. “Talk to me about books.” 

“Oh Jesus. You can’t make me pick one.” 

“I’m not!” he insisted, holding his hands up in surrender. “Just tell me what you like.” 

“Well, you obviously know of my infatuation with Anne Rice. My favorite of hers is _Queen of the Damned_ because of how intricate the story is. The time jumps, the different perspectives, the character complexity...it’s beautiful.” Her eyes were misty, and it was so endearing to see her get so worked up over something others would find trivial. “I like Shakespeare, but only the tragedies.”   
  
“Why?” 

“Because the comedies just feel juvenile. Again, I like complexity.” 

Ben quirked an eyebrow. “Clearly.” 

“As far as classics go, I’m a huge fan of _Frankenstein_ . Mind you, I think Victor Frankenstein is a prick, but still. The idea of _creating_ something, and being so repulsed that you just... _abandon_ it...I don’t know. I guess I kind of relate to the monster.” She shrugged nonchalantly as if she hadn’t just dropped a massive emotional bomb. 

He was beginning to put the pieces of her together, little by little. Rey channeled her emotions into physical things like books, cars, and things she could _touch._ She didn’t beat around the bush, or try to talk her issues to death, and Ben could admire that to an extent. Still, he worried about what she’d said. “What makes you say that?” 

“Isn’t it obvious? My parents threw me away like trash— just like Victor threw away his own creation. He had to make his own way in the world, same as me.” She shrugged, pasting a smile on her face. “I don’t think it worked out too badly for me, all things considered.” 

Ben didn’t know what to say. He was frozen, struck by her strength and her resilience— her ability to see the positive in everything. He reached across the table and played with the fingers of Rey’s right hand. “Talk to me about music,” he said, again willing his voice not to crack.

“I thought we already did that one,” she said with a raise of her eyebrow. 

“I asked you who your top artist was. That can’t be the only one you like.” 

“Right,” she said. “Okay...um...I don’t know. My taste is eclectic. I like anything I can sing along to. Lady Gaga, Dermot Kennedy, Hozier...and older stuff like The Cranberries, and Journey.” 

“Can you sing?” The question was suddenly incredibly important to Ben. 

“I can carry a tune, I guess.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, actually. I learned to play guitar when I was in foster care. Bought myself one from a pawn shop with money I saved up working in the garage. I uh, I lost it in my last foster house.” Her face fell a little, but she brushed it off. “I didn’t really have time to play those last few years anyway. I still sing in the shower and all that though,” she giggled. The sound of her laughter was like sunlight. 

“I’d love to hear sometime.” 

“I’ll need to be inspired,” she said with a coy smile, and Ben rolled his eyes fondly. _Oh, but how I’d love to make you sing for me Little Doe._ Ben shoved that thought into the closet immediately and cleared his throat uselessly. 

“Coke or Pepsi?” 

“Are you kidding? Mountain Dew. Next.” 

“Favorite ice cream?”

“Bubble gum.” 

“Pizza?” 

“Pepperoni and mushroom.” 

“Gemstone?”

“Emerald.” 

“Flower?”

“Cactus.” Ben started to laugh, but her face was the picture of severity. 

“That’s not a flower,” he said. 

“Have you never seen a cactus flower before?” she insisted. 

“Touche.” 

  
  


The rest of their week continued in much the same fashion. Ben would pick Rey up for classes every morning, they’d fire questions at each other on the drive, at lunch, and on the way home. 

Ben learned that Rey had never played sports. 

He learned that her favorite make of car was a Subaru because of the reliability. 

She liked the rain— found it refreshing. 

She couldn’t swim. 

And on Friday afternoon when he dropped her off at home, he learned that she’d been stuck in countless foster homes, but only had fond memories of one. 

  
“Maz was a fabulous foster parent. She made us feel...loved. She wasn’t the best cook, but we never went hungry. She made us all play board games together on Friday nights. We hated it, but now I realize I wouldn’t be this close with Poe if she hadn’t forced us together.” She laughed, and sniffled. “But then she got sick, and we were separated. She um...she died earlier this year, right after my graduation.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ben said lamely, rubbing her hand across the middle console of his car. 

Rey shrugged and looked at him with a watery smile. Her eyes were swimming, and had turned a beautiful shade of green with the cabin lights reflecting off of her tears. Her cheeks were tear-stained, and her lips looked so soft. As much as he hated to admit it, she had never been more beautiful than she was in vulnerability. He hated to see her cry, but her trust warmed him. It made him more resolved than ever not to fail her. 

“I um, I guess I should go inside,” she mumbled. 

“Yeah, you’ll need to be rested for tomorrow,” he said, attempting to distract her from her melancholy. 

“Oh?”

“You’ll be doing lots of exercise,” he replied with a wry smile. 

Rey quirked an eyebrow at him, but let it lie. “I’ll take that into consideration.” 

“I’ll be here in the morning, bright and early,” he assured her. 

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he said, and it sounded like a vow coming off of his tongue. He would be there for her. He wouldn’t let her down. 

She reached over and squeezed his hand, allowing her fingers to trail from his as she got out of the car. 

He watched her walk away before throwing the car into reverse and heading home. 

Rey had been so vulnerable with him, and so open for the entire week. She’d given him everything he’d asked for, and more. He knew she still had doubts about his feelings— he could see it in her hesitation, her restraint in their minor physical interactions. He had to prove to her that she was wrong— that he wanted her, that he thought she was absolutely the most delectable woman he’d ever met, that she was worth everything to him. 

He knew what he had to do. He just didn’t know if he had the strength to do it. 


	13. and a hopeful rhythm broke within him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey take a field trip, and Ben keeps asking questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Glory by Dermot Kennedy
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I've had so much fun writing this chapter. We dig a little into of Rey's past, but charge ahead into her future with Ben as they grow closer. Lots of anticipation!

Ben made it home that evening, and immediately went to Rose. He needed confidence, assurance that he wouldn’t fuck everything up. The moment his plan solidified in his mind, Rose’s visions went into a spiral. 

“Rose, it’s not going to happen like that,” Ben asserted as he shoved his way into her room. 

Rose was perched in the center of her bed with legs crossed and a thoughtful expression on her face. She sighed, bending forward and placing her head in her hands.  _ I’m sorry Ben. I can’t control what I see…  _

“It’s not  _ real. _ It’s an old vision. There’s no way I could kill her now. I love her; you know that.” 

She shook her head, still covering her face with her hands.  _ It’s the same place. The meadow on the mountain.  _

Ben turned around, refusing to look at her as if turning from her would keep him from looking at the vision in her mind. “It’s just a memory.” 

_ No, Ben. I see it  _ now. _ It’s still a possibility.  _

“Then we’ll go somewhere else,” Ben hissed through clenched teeth. In Rose’s mind, the vision of Rey’s limp body swirled in different scenes. Nothing changed but the background. “Or I’ll cancel. She’ll forgive me.” 

_ You’re so drawn to her, Ben. The closer you become, the stronger the pull will be… _

“Then I’ll break up with her. Keep my distance.” 

_ That didn’t work so well before. _

“I’ll leave. I’ll go stay with Ahsoka again,” he said, grasping at straws. 

Rose recoiled from the anguish in his voice, and her visions swirled again. The seasons changed, but nothing else. Rey: limp, bloodless, dead. 

“It’s not going away, Ben.” 

_ “Why?” _ he snarled, throwing his fist at the wall in front of him and leaving a gaping hole. The anguish had given way to the powerless anger of a caged animal. He began to pace back and forth. 

“If you leave, you’ll come back,” she whispered. 

“No,” he said, dragging calming breaths into his frozen lungs. “I can stay away. I know I can.” 

Rose’s visions shifted again to Rey’s face. She was alive in this vision, but her cheeks were hollow and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced than he’d ever seen them. She was hunched over a sketchbook at her desk, working away with calloused hands. She was moving, living, but her eyes were empty. It made Ben’s chest ache. 

“Why is she like that? What happened?” 

Rose met Ben’s eyes. “If you leave, she...doesn’t do well.” 

“Better than being dead,” he said stubbornly. 

“Do you really think you could leave her like that?” More images flashed into Rose’s mind: a drunken Rey stumbling down an alley, Rey behind the wheel of a deathtrap of a car, Rey jumping from a cliff into ice-cold water…

Ben recoiled from the vision, throwing his fist into the wall again. “I should have stayed away.” 

“If you had, you would have come back anyway. I don’t think that would have gone any better.” The vision flashed again, same as before but a little farther in the future. Ben punched the wall again. “Listen to me, Ben,” Rose insisted over the sound of crushing drywall, “All of her paths are leading up to this crucial moment. She’s tied to that moment of decision— and not just your decision but  _ hers _ too. Some of the threads continue to the other side, and some don’t— but either way…” 

Ben’s fists clenched at his sides. “Either way I have to get through that moment to get to the other side.” 

“Exactly. You have to get through the trial— whatever that may be. Putting this off won’t change anything. Take her to the meadow...do whatever it is you’re planning, and bring her back again. Do it for me, but mostly do it for you.”  _ I love you, and I love her too. Do this for our family.  _

Ben sunk down to the floor, burying his face in his hands. “If I can’t do this for her...if I can’t even  _ touch _ her...how can I expect our relationship to work?”

“You won’t know until you try, Ben. And regardless of what you’re thinking right now, you  _ will _ try. You can’t run from it. You’re in love with her.” 

And he was— he knew that. He’d all but said it to everyone but Rey. Rose had told him he needed to get through the trial— he needed to get close to her just to prove that he could. He had to make the conscious decision not to harm Rey— and he thought he already had. He’d spent the past few weeks falling for her, and making small adjustments to avoid harming her in any way. 

But he knew that if he was still tempted, that meant there was still a chance for the Monster inside of him to win. He had been quiet— dormant within Ben’s chest for weeks, but he was still there. 

Ben thought about killing himself. 

Except vampires couldn’t do that. It was part of their curse— trapped in life and unable to leave it by their own hand. Ben knew none of his family would do it for him— not even Phasma. Kill him in a fight? Maybe. Take him down  _ without  _ a fight? Absolutely not. 

He could go back to Snoke. He’d be killed for his abandonment— for daring to go back to Italy after deserting them without a word— but it could bring their wrath upon his family, and it wasn’t worth that. 

So Ben had to live— there was no other real option. Rose seemed so sure that Ben would go forward with this, but how could that be the right thing to do if the possibility of Rey’s death loomed over him? The image of her death was so painful, it was hard to imagine the Monster overcoming the rational side of him that loved her so much. 

_ That _ was what he had to do. He needed to cling to that part of him that loved her— that decision that he would love her, maybe even be able to  _ make _ love to her— with all of his strength. He would use that strength to choke the monster within him into submission. He would be what she needed him to be. 

And suddenly, when put in perspective that way, it didn’t seem so impossible. Rey needed him to be able to touch her, hold her, love her. If that's what she needed, then he would give it to her. 

“I need to hunt,” he said to Rose. His voice was calmer now, quelled by the resolution he’d come to. “Want to come?” 

Rose shook her head.  _ You need some alone time.  _ “I’m going out tomorrow with Hux anyway.”

“I thought he just went— with Luke.” 

“He did. But I’ve recently decided we need to prepare a bit more.” In her mind, Ben saw their home. Luke and Leia standing at the door in greeting, waiting expectantly. He saw himself walking through the front door with a smiling Rey on his arm…

Rose’s tinkling laughter broke through Ben’s stupor. “How?” he asked. “ _ When?”  _

“On the other side of the hump, oh sweet brother of mine,” she said with another laugh. “Soon. Possibly Sunday.” 

“As in,  _ this _ Sunday?” 

“Yes, Ben. Get over that little obstacle in front of you tomorrow, and you’ll be bringing Rey home to meet the folks.” Her smile was smug— much more sure of him than he was of himself. 

“What are my odds?” Ben asked with a raised brow.

“Seventy-five, twenty-five? Give or take.” 

Ben grimaced. 

“Oh, come on,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “You’d take that bet. I did!” 

It struck Ben then. “Bet?”

_Oh shit…_ Rose brought both hands up in front of her in admission, as Ben’s eyes narrowed. ”It wasn’t my idea. Phas and Hux started it. I took the bet to teach them some respect! They should know better than to bet against me.” 

Ben was trembling with anger at this point. “I need to go”  _ before I actually throw Phasma through a window.  _ Ben walked to the large window of Rose’s room that opened to the forest outside. 

He jumped out, and took off at a run, refusing to look back. 

* * *

Ben arrived at Rey’s house Saturday morning sloshy full of blood, and with a winning attitude. He refused to go into his first full day with Rey full of trepidation about a future he didn’t want to acknowledge. Today would be a good day— he was sure of it. 

He rang the doorbell, chuckling lightly to himself when he heard Rey sprinting unsteadily down the stairs. She wrenched open the door— and, as always, Ben was shocked at how beautiful she was. She’d dressed in leggings and a long emerald sweater that hung to her mid thigh and allowed the tantalizing straps of a sports bra to peek out on her shoulders. Her feet were adorned with sensible sneakers that showed she’d taken his “exercise” comment to heart. 

“Hey. Ready to go?” she asked breathlessly. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her cheeks were adorably flushed. 

“Not as ready as you are, clearly,” he said with a chuckle. He was wearing jeans and a short-sleeved v-neck— exposing more skin than normal in preparation for their outing. 

She rolled her eyes and reached to grab her backpack that was hanging just inside the door. “You said exercise, so I dressed for exercise,” she mumbled. “Where’s your car?” 

“I thought I’d let you drive today,” he replied softly.  _ Maybe if your car is gone for too long, someone will come looking for you. Any bit of accountability I can get… _

“Oh, sure,” she said. Her confusion was etched across her face, but she said nothing as they got into the car and pulled out of the driveway. “Where to?” 

“Get on the one-ten and head north until the pavement ends.” 

Rey nodded to herself, pulling off onto the rural highway as they drove out of town. “And then what?” 

“And then we hike,” Ben said. She hummed in assent, but her eyes focused on the road with a far-off expression. Ben’s curiosity got the best of him. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing. Just wondering where we’re going…” She shrugged. 

“It’s a place I like to go when the weather is warm. A meadow, just outside of town.” 

“Yeah. Poe said it would be warm today.” 

“And does Chief Dameron know what you’re up to today?” Ben asked with a raised brow. 

“Nope.” She smiled, still keeping her eyes on the road. 

“So no one knows you’re with me.” It was a statement— not a question. 

She shrugged again. “I’m assuming you told Rose?” 

“Very helpful, Little Doe. It’s almost like you  _ want _ to get eaten,” he said through clenched teeth. 

Her smug smile faded, and she glanced at him guiltily. “I just...didn’t want to cause you any trouble. Or draw attention.” 

He barked a laugh at the absolute  _ ridiculousness  _ of that statement. “You’re worried about the trouble it would cause  _ me _ if  _ you _ don’t make it back?” He ran a hand through his hair, willing himself to calm down. He knew Rey had kept their date a secret for his sake— to make sure he wasn’t put into a compromising position, and it was part of the reason he loved her. She was selfless and good where he was selfish and evil— two halves of a whole. 

They drove in silence until the pavement ended. She pulled the car off on the shoulder and cut the engine, jumping out of the car as quickly as possible. Ben sat, watching as Rey pulled her sweater off over her head, exposing the freckled tan skin of her upper back. He’d been wrong before— she had been wearing a tight tank top underneath the sweater, and Ben thanked God for that small mercy. 

He already knew what he had planned would be difficult, but he still needed time to prepare. He sighed. Part of him still wasn’t ready to go through with this— less now because of the life or death consequences, and more because of his own insecurity. What if she ran away screaming? What if she found him disgusting when she saw what the sun did to his skin? 

He shook his head, drawing in a deep breath as he got out of the car. He would face this— be the warrior he knew himself to be— and come out on the other side with Rey. They just had to make it through today. 

Ben turned to face Rey, extending his hand in a bid for her to walk around the car and take it. She seemed apprehensive, but willing, as she moved to take his offered hand. “Are you sure about this?” He needed her to be sure. 

Her eyes flashed suddenly, as if coming back to reality from a daydream. “Yeah! Of course I am.” 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I’m just a little nervous is all. I don’t hike much. You’ll have to be patient with me.” It felt like a lie, but Ben left it alone. 

“I can be patient,” he said, his tone turning playful, “if I try  _ really _ hard.” She smiled at his playful tone, and fixed her eyes on the trees ahead. 

“Come on Solo. If you want me to hack through the forest without backing out, we better get started.” 

  
  


It turned out, funny enough, that Rey was actually a great hiker. She was surefooted, and quick— for a human at least. He had to help her over a few fallen trees, and she tripped over a root once, but he’d had no trouble stepping in to help— any excuses for light warm-up touches were welcome.

He had expected the forest to be more difficult— for the isolation to trigger something in him— but it wasn’t. He spent the hike up to the meadow forcing himself to focus on Rey, rather than on the potential future he was trying to avoid. The problem with Rose’s visions was the infuriatingly  _ circular  _ nature of them. There was no way to know the true catalyst of any possible future. He just had to do his best with what he knew. 

And right now he knew that Rey’s behind looked _delectable_ in those leggings, and he couldn’t wait to touch her. 

Nope. No sign of the Monster here. 

He needed to break the silence. “When’s your birthday?” 

“May 15th,” she replied, with a question in her voice. “Why?” 

“Just curious. It’s my day to ask questions, isn’t it?” 

“Isn’t every day your day?” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

“Yes.” After a short pause he continued. “Which birthday was your favorite?” 

Her eyes dropped to the ground, caught somewhere between nervous and sad. “Um...probably my 16th birthday.” 

Ben knew he should drop it— he didn’t want to make her feel sad— but his curiosity got the best of him. “Why that one?” 

“It’s the day I got to leave Plutt’s.” She looked up to see Ben’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He refrained from asking for more, but she gave it to him anyway. “He was my foster parent from ages twelve to sixteen. He was— to put it lightly— an abusive prick.” She huffed a humorless laugh. “Anyway, yeah, the state finally got me out of there and I went to live with Maz for my last few years in the system. Best birthday present I could have asked for.” 

Ben wanted to hug her— to tell her how much he wished he’d found her sooner so he could have pulled her out of that life. He wanted to take away the pain that she clearly still felt...but he could do none of that. So instead, he squeezed her hand and they walked in silence. He wondered how those years in the foster system had affected her. Was her quiet strength merely a side effect of growing up in an abusive home? Did she feel like she had to hide behind a mask? The thought made him angry, and it made him more resolved than ever to prove her worth to her. 

As they walked, the light changed. The sunshine began to peek through the tree canopy, and Ben felt anxious all over again. They were so close. Ben could tell when Rey’s eyes locked onto the brightness ahead. Her stride lengthened, and she pulled her hand from Ben’s in order to charge ahead. She didn’t hesitate to push the ferns out of the way when they reached the edge of the meadow. 

Ben wished he could see it through her eyes— remembering the peace that he’d had when he’d stumbled across it for the first time. The sounds drifting into his ears calmed him— the gurgle of the stream on the other side of the meadow, the chirping birds, the buzzing insects, and even the soft sound of the breeze through the grass— and allowed him to steel his nerves. 

He watched from the shadows as she stepped into the light. His Little Doe radiated peace in a way that made him reluctant to move— as if the crack of a branch would break the spell and she’d run. She was like sunshine personified, standing there amongst the tall grass and flowers, and he hated to cloud her with his darkness.  _ Sunshine _ . Another pet name to add to the list. 

But before he could call her that, he would have to come out of the shadows. He could have stood there watching her for hours, but he knew that he was stalling. When she turned and stretched her hand out to him, he froze. He had every intention of stepping out to her, but his body just wouldn’t move. 

She walked toward him, coaxing him as if he were the prey in this moment— as if she needed to draw him in. He locked eyes with her, and smiled a shy smile that he hoped would reassure her. He took a deep breath, allowing her scent to rip through his throat and coat his senses. 

He reached out his hand to hers, closed his eyes, and stepped out into the sunlight. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, that rating goes up.


	14. blood as rare and sweet as cherry wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey share some vulnerable moments, and things get a little *spicy*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Cherry Wine by Hozier 
> 
> Please take note of the added tags and the upped rating. We're getting a little spicy in here.

Ben in the sunlight was striking. His skin was white, startlingly so in spite of the slight flush from what Rey assumed was a hunting trip the day prior. The most alarming thing, though, was that his skin was almost  _ transparent _ . He lay perfectly still, face up in the grass with his chest exposed to the sun as Rey traced the maze of veins in his hand with her finger. 

His pale purple lids were closed against the sun, and he lay still as a statue— translucent stone that was somehow paper thin and solid all at once. He looked deceptively delicate, and unequivocally beautiful. Every few moments his lips would twitch at the corners, but when Rey asked what he was smiling for, he told her he was just thinking. She didn’t push. 

Rey was enjoying the sun too— she’d had so little of it since leaving Jakku. The wind against her skin made her shiver— a light contrast to the warmth of the sun as it wafted against the exposed skin of her arms. She pulled her hair down out of the tight bun on her head and allowed the wind to have its way. 

When Rey looked up from Ben’s hand, she saw that he’d opened his eyes. Just like his skin, his eyes were a marvel. They glowed in the sunlight, every tiny fleck of color in his irises illuminated and reflected back. They’d never looked as molten as they did now. Rey thought she might drown in them. 

His smile broadened beyond a light twitch of his lips, exposing sharp little canine teeth that Rey had never seen before. “Don’t I scare you?” he asked. He was curious, but his tone was light. 

“No more than you usually do,” she responded, mimicking his light tone. As she spoke, her hand trailed up his arm and across to his chest. She continued to trace the patterns of his veins as if she could solve the maze under his skin. “Does this bother you?” 

“No,” he said, closing his eyes again. “You can’t imagine how that feels.” 

_ Oh, I think I can.  _ She didn’t speak the words out loud, but he sat up quickly, as if he’d heard her. The quick movement was disconcerting, and it caused Rey to flinch back slightly, but she didn’t remove her hand from his skin. His smile widened again. “Sorry,” he whispered, raising his hand to brush her hair from her face. “It’s too easy to let my guard down with you.” 

That made her own smile widen. “I’m glad,” she whispered. 

“Don’t be,” he said, suddenly serious. When she looked up, he was looking away from her into the forest. She moved her hand back to his arm, thinking the moment of vulnerability had passed, until his eyes returned to hers. He picked her hand up and placed it over his heart again. “Tell me what you’re thinking? It kills me not to know.” 

“The rest of us feel that way all the time. No need to be a drama queen.” 

He raised his eyebrow, not taking the bait. 

“I was thinking that I wish I could tell what  _ you  _ were thinking,” she said, averting her eyes and focusing on her own hand trailing over his skin. “I was wishing that I could believe this was real. That I wasn’t so afraid…” 

“I thought you said I didn’t scare you,” he said with a strained voice. She could tell he wanted to tell her everything was fine— that she was safe and there was nothing to fear. Rey knew that was a lie, but that wasn’t the fear she was currently concerned with. 

“You don’t, but my feelings for you do.” 

A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. “And what feelings are those, Rey?” 

His face was so close to hers, in that moment. He’d leaned forward, pressing into her touch as her hand lingered on his chest. She finally moved her eyes to his, and saw the depth of feeling there— the anticipation as he waited for her answer. She didn’t give him one. Instead she reached up, lacing her fingers through his hair and pressing her lips to his. 

He reacted immediately, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body into his chest. His hand trailed down her body, gripping her waist and pushing her shirt up to touch her skin. She shivered and gasped into his mouth, scrambling to rearrange herself into his lap. 

Rey wrapped her legs around Ben’s waist, and when he opened his mouth to allow his tongue to tangle with hers, she couldn’t stop herself from grinding down on the hardness between them. 

That, it seemed, was too much for Ben. He was gone, and she was laying flat on her back in the meadow— panting to catch her breath. She sat up, finding Ben twenty feet across the meadow staring at her with an unreadable expression. She could feel the sting of rejection coursing through her. Her skin burned where he’d touched her, and she wanted nothing more than to burn again. 

“I’m sorry, Ben…” she whispered. She knew he could hear her, and she hoped he would understand. 

“I just need a moment,” he replied, just loud enough for her to hear. He took a few breaths, and walked back slowly. He stopped a few feet in front of her and sank back to the ground with his legs crossed. His eyes never left hers, but his expression softened into a gentle smile. 

“I am...so sorry, Rey.” He reached his hand back to place it in hers. “Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?”

Rey nodded, and her pulse escalated. He’d run, because he’d been tempted. Adrenaline pulsed through her, but the fear only seemed to heighten her attraction to him. She wanted the danger, because she wanted  _ him _ . She assumed he could feel the spike in her pulse, because his smile changed— a mocking cruelty curling his lips. 

“It’s funny isn’t it? I’m the world’s most alluring predator. Everything about me draws you in— my voice, my looks, even my  _ smell.  _ It’s overkill really.” His voice was low, menacing in its timbre. He was on his feet again, his hand ripped from hers and before she could blink, she could see him across the meadow from her. He’d circled it in less than a second. 

“As if you could outrun me,” he said with a bitter laugh— his voice ringing out over the expanse of grass between them. He turned to the edge of the treeline, and with a deafening  _ crack _ pulled a massive oak from the ground. He eyed it for a moment, balancing the weight in his hand, before sending it flying into another huge tree. That one fell from the impact, causing another deafening sound to ring out across the meadow. 

And then he was in front of her again. She expected his breathing to be ragged, but he wasn’t breathing at all. He just stood there in the sun, and suddenly Rey understood why he called himself a monster. 

But she didn’t agree. She could see the anguish in his eyes— the need to be understood. He’d never looked more beautiful to her than he did in that moment. “As if you could fight me off,” he said gently. Rey sat, unmoving as she waited for him to finish his tantrum. She could be patient.

She watched as his ire melted, and he sank to the ground across from her again. “Please don’t be afraid,” he murmured, as he held his face in his hands. “I swear...I won’t ever hurt you.” She believed him, but she still couldn’t speak. She’d just watched him rip a  _ fucking tree  _ from the ground. She needed a moment. 

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered, almost as if he didn’t want her to hear. Almost as if he was begging. “Please forgive me,” he said, raising his eyes to hers again. “I swear I’ll be on my best behavior.” He reached out and placed his hand in hers again. “Now, where were we, before I behaved so poorly?” 

“I think I was sitting in your lap,” Rey said, finally regaining her voice and attempting a smile. 

Ben smiled back. “Right,” he said, and before Rey could react, he’d pulled her back into his arms and settled her to straddle him in the grass. This time, she held perfectly still. “I believe you were about to tell me how you feel about me. If I’m not mistaken.” He was smiling earnestly now, seemingly carefree in comparison to his mood just second prior. 

“You know how I feel about you,” she said. Rey could feel the blush forming in her cheeks. She didn’t want to  _ say _ it. 

“It would be nice to hear, all the same,” he insisted. His hands trailing up and down her back calmed her, as if he could entice the words from her with his touch alone. 

“Maybe I want to hear it from you first,” she said stubbornly. 

“Maybe I’m scared too,” he replied. Another pause, another sigh. “I should have left a long time ago.” 

Rey stiffened, and tried to pull away. The rejection of those words on the back of such near vulnerability stung more than anything he’d said. He stopped her, holding her fast against his chest. His words came out in a rush as he spoke. “I’m selfish. I crave your company— I crave  _ you _ — too much to leave. I know it would be safer for you without me here. You’re like a drug to me, and no matter how much you have the power to utterly  _ wreck _ me, I can’t seem to let you go.” He broke away from her gaze and moved to lay his head in the crook of her shoulder. She felt his deep inhale against her skin, and shivered. 

“I don’t want you to let me go,” she replied.  _ Even if you holding onto me could mean my own death.  _

Rey felt the ice-cold press of his lips against her sensitive skin. “And like the selfish man that I am, I don’t plan to,” he replied, his soft breath causing her to shiver again. 

He had no idea what he was doing to her, clearly, because he continued to kiss her neck as if he were in a trance. “It’s funny,” he huffed against her neck, “If I’d given in to my baser instincts on that first day in class, we wouldn’t be here right now. But it would’ve been better for it to happen there, in front of witnesses, than if I were to lose control now with no one knowing where you are.” His lips continued their trail down her neck, coming to rest in the hollow of her throat. 

Rey did  _ not _ think that was funny, but she was too enthralled to care. His cheek rested against her chest as he kept talking. “I left, after that day. I went to Alaska to visit an old family friend— to clear my head until I could convince myself to come back. I wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. I was arrogant about it.” Rey felt him smile against her skin. “It was more complicated than that, though. I fell for you the second you fixed your eyes on me.” 

His hands moved from where they’d been tracing her back, and slipped under her shirt. The skin on skin contact grounded them both, even if it made Rey tremble. “And then I almost watched you die right in front of me. I knew then that I would never let anything happen to you. Some of my siblings were convinced you’d tell— that you’d out us— and I was willing to fight them for you. I was...appalled at myself until I truly put a name to what I felt for you.” 

He pulled back slightly to look her in the eye, but didn’t release his hands from her skin. “And what is that?” she asked. 

He laughed a little, seemingly amused by their game of cat and mouse. “I know that I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you. It’s...tortured me. You’re the most important thing to me now.” His hands drifted up to the sides of her face, caressing her cheeks. “I love you, Rey.” 

Rey couldn’t breathe. Her head was spinning at the twists and turns in the conversation. She gasped in a breath, and gathered her courage. “I love you too, Ben.” The words came out as if they’d been ripped from her throat. She’d never said that to anyone before— not romantically at least. His answering smile was dazzling enough to chase away any insecurity before it could have a chance to take root. 

“That’s what I’ve been waiting for…” he said, so softly she wasn’t sure she’d even heard it. 

And then his lips were devouring hers. 

She was on her back before she could catch her breath, and Ben’s mouth had trailed back to her neck— fixated on her pulse as it hammered through her. His hands grew bolder, trailing down her body to cup between her legs over her leggings. She gasped, arching into his hand, and his responding groan made her keenly aware of the wetness building at the apex of her thighs. 

The shy, teasing Ben she’d known was gone. In this moment, he seemed to be solely driven by instinct— and not the one that made her afraid.  _ This _ instinct drove her wild as he pressed his thumb down on her clit through the leggings and made her shiver. 

“God, Rey...I can  _ smell _ you…” he murmured against her neck. He’d shifted his gaze down to watch his own hand pressing against her. The focus of his gaze let her know that it wasn’t her blood he was talking about. She couldn’t respond, only finding enough coherence to moan against his hair. 

He lifted his head to look at her and smiled a gentle, awe-filled smile as if her reaction was the most pleasing thing he’d experienced. “You’ve been so good today, so understanding. It’s only fair that I try to be good for  _ you _ , don’t you think?” His eyes were teasing again, and Rey melted into his touch.

She thought maybe he was intending to bring her to climax with only his hand through the cloth— and she doubted he would have any trouble— but soon Ben was trailing his lips down her neck to her chest — pausing to nip at her breasts through her shirt— and down until he was nestled between her thighs. 

Rey opened her mouth to protest— to tell him he didn’t have to, that it would be too much, that he’d already given her enough today — but Ben met her eyes with a burning gaze. “Shh. Let me take care of you, okay?” His eyes were so earnest, so trusting and careful, that Rey couldn’t argue with him. She lifted her hips when he pulled at the waist of her leggings, and allowed him to remove them along with her shoes. 

She fought against the instinct to close her legs, knowing she hadn’t shaved or prepared for this in  _ any _ way other than showering. Her self consciousness once again flew to the wind when she noticed Ben staring at her pussy like it was the most miraculous thing he’d ever seen in his century of existence. “You’re so lovely,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to her inner thigh. “I wonder if you taste as good as you smell…” and with that he flicked his tongue against her clit and Rey nearly screamed. 

His tongue was like ice, but the stark contrast with the warmth of her own skin and wetness was thrilling. Encouraged by her initial reaction, Ben licked her again, this time starting at her core and ending back at her clit. Her hands moved to his hair as he licked her in earnest, beginning by sucking her clit into his mouth, and flicking his tongue against it. 

He continued like that — flick, flick,  _ suck _ — until she was a melting, writhing puddle of need beneath him. “Ben, please…” 

“Tell me what you need, Little Doe,” he said against her center, continuing his assault on her cunt with his mouth. 

“Fingers...please,” she gasped. 

The moment he slid two of his fingers into her and pressed up, she was finished. She came, trembling under his hands and mouth, and gasping her release into the open wilderness surrounding them. Ben continued to lap at her— tiny kitten licks at her core that seemed more for his enjoyment than hers. He was savoring her, drinking in every drop that she gave him, and murmuring sweet things like  _ good girl,  _ and  _ so sweet, coming for me _ , and  _ want to make you do this every day.  _

Slowly, he crawled back up her body and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, allowing her to taste the tang of herself on his lips. She smiled up at him as he reached up to caress her hair. “I guess that’s the result a century’s worth of practice will get you,” she said. 

Even as the words left her mouth, they made her heart sink. It was unfair, really. She’d been with plenty of men in her life, why should she be jealous if he’d been with others as well?

He eased her fears almost immediately. “I haven’t actually,” he said, averting his eyes with the return of his shyness. “Until you, I’d never touched a woman beyond holding hands. I’ve never wanted to.” 

She was almost giddy with relief, and completely taken aback by his vulnerability. She decided to stroke his ego. “Then where did you learn to do  _ that _ ?” 

“I do have brothers, you know,” he said, and if he could blush Rey knew he would be in that moment. Rey couldn’t help laughing a little at his expression, and he smirked back at her before laying his head to rest in the center of her chest. She allowed her hands to rake through his hair gently, and he hummed in satisfaction. 

A question came to Rey’s mind, then. “Was that...difficult for you?” 

Ben thought for a moment. “Not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It was like...instinct took over, but rather than wanting to drain you, I wanted to  _ devour  _ you. I wanted — and forgive me for sounding crass— but I wanted you to come apart for  _ me _ and only me. It makes me sound like a mindless neanderthal, I know, but it was like a primal need for  _ possession _ .” He looked up at her nervously, a hint of guilt in his eyes. “I’m sorry if that’s too much…” he said apologetically. 

Rey didn’t want an apology. She  _ liked  _ it. She wanted him to always want her that way. “It’s not. It was...it was sort of like that for me too,” she admitted. 

Ben sat up and began pulling Rey’s leggings back onto her legs for her. When he’d fixed them, and placed her shoes back on her feet, he pulled her up to sit cross-legged in front of him again. He pulled her hand to his cheek. “Do you feel how warm it is?” When she nodded, he continued. “I haven’t felt this alive before. Not even when I was actually  _ alive _ .” He laughed giddily. 

Rey glanced down at the slowly abating, but still intimidatingly large, erection that pressed into his pants. “I don’t know, Ben. You look pretty  _ alive  _ to me,” she said with a smirk. 

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Very funny, Rey.” 

“But seriously. Can I…?” She trailed off, making her question clear. 

Ben shook his head, moving their twined hands to rest on his knee. “No, today was for you. Baby steps.” He smiled softly, and she smiled back. He leaned forward again, resting his head on her shoulder and nuzzling softly into the crook of her neck. “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…” he breathed against her neck. 

Rey couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped her throat. “What a stupid lamb.” 

She felt Ben smile. “What a sick, masochistic lion.” He paused, breathing her in again. “Is it always like this?”

“What? Sex?” 

He snorted a laugh. “No,  _ love _ ,” he said, and muttered something about a  _ one track mind… _

“I wouldn’t know,” she said with a shrug. “You’re my first.” 

“That’s one thing we share then,” he said, nuzzling more tightly into her neck and wrapping his arms around her waist. 

They stayed like that until the sun began to darken, signaling the arrival of late afternoon. Ben sighed against her neck and sat back. “I should get you home,” he said. He stood, pulling Rey to her feet. He was gone for one blink, and back standing in front of her with his shirt in his hand. “Can I show you something?” he asked as he pulled the shirt over his head. 

“There’s more?” she asked playfully. 

“Oh, sweetheart, you have no idea,” he said with a dark chuckle. “Climb on my back and I’ll show you.” He turned his back to her, and gestured for her to climb on. He smiled back at her when she hesitated, and moved to sling her over his back. She clung into him with her arms and legs— like clinging to stone. 

And then he was running— but it felt more like flying. His feet barely touched the ground as he moved through the trees. There was no sound but the rushing of wind through her hair, and her own breathing in her ears. It was exhilarating— so much so that Rey couldn’t help but let out a giddy laugh as he came to a stop a few yards from her car. It had taken them minutes to arrive back, when it had taken them hours to make it to the meadow at the start of the day. 

Rey didn’t let go when he stopped. She was still in shock. “Pretty cool, huh?” Ben asked, the elation clear in his voice. 

“That. Was. Awesome.” Rey’s voice came out in gasps, but she was laughing. She felt like she’d just gotten off of the world’s fastest rollercoaster. Her legs trembled a little as he set her down on the ground. 

“How do you feel?” he asked, and she knew he didn’t mean physically. How could he be so shy after everything they’d talked about — everything they’d  _ done _ — today? Rey had no idea, but she wasn’t having it. 

“I feel great,” she said, as she walked over and planted both hands on his face to draw him in for a sound kiss on the mouth. What she had meant to be a chaste kiss, quickly transformed into more when Ben groaned and wrapped his arms around her again. He picked her up with both hands spanning her waist and set her on the hood of the car so he could get closer to her. 

When he pulled away, his hair was a mess and his eyes were glazed with want. “Later,” he said, and it sounded like a promise. Rey’s insides clenched in anticipation, but she nodded. They had plenty of time, and he’d asked for baby steps. 

Ben smiled at the bemused look on her face, and stepped away to open the passenger door of her car. “In you go, Little Doe. I’m driving.” He was lighthearted, and free in a way that Rey had never seen him. His good mood was contagious. 

“Why can’t I drive?” 

“Because you look like you’re going to swoon,” he laughed. 

_ Good mood— gone.  _ “ _ Swoon? _ I don’t  _ swoon. _ ” 

“ _ Oh  _ Ben, kiss me  _ Ben _ ,” he said, in the most mocking feminine voice he could muster, placing both hands over his heart. 

“I do  _ not _ sound like that,” she grumbled, as she hopped off the hood of the car and begrudgingly climbed into the front seat. 

“No, you sound much better,” he said, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead before shutting her door. 

“Be nice to my car,” she warned when he climbed in and jacked her seat all the way back to accommodate his legs. 

“Not a chance,” he said, and turned his dazzling smile on her as he cranked the engine. 

Rey rolled her eyes, but couldn’t fight back the grin that spread across her face when he placed his hand on her knee and pulled out onto the highway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the folks!


	15. come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little more about Ben's back story, and dig into Rey's emotional trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter digs into Rey's past quite a bit, and it discusses sexual abuse. Please proceed with caution. 
> 
> I never thought I'd cry while writing a smut scene, but this was it. I hope you guys like it. We're breaking down those walls! 
> 
> Chapter title from Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars.

Ben was exceedingly glad that Rey had allowed him to drive. This way, he could feel her gaze on him, and he could touch her without worrying about distracting her from the road. He hummed along to the radio, feeling lighter and more free than he had in decades. 

“Are you ever going to tell me how old you are?” Rey asked, and honestly Ben should have expected it. They’d been riding in companionable silence for a while, and Rey didn’t seem to like silence very much. 

Ben shrugged. “Does it matter to you?” 

“Not a bit. I’m just curious.” 

“I think it might upset you.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I doubt it.” Her flippant attitude gave Ben a strange sort of confidence. 

“I was born in Salem, Massachusetts in 1687,” he said. He turned his face to the road ahead, hoping to avoid her scrutiny. When he chanced a glance at her she was composed— perhaps artificially so. She wanted to spare his feelings, and he appreciated the effort. “Do you want the full story?” 

“Like you even need to ask.” 

Ben chuckled. “Yeah, right. Okay. Stay with me,” he braced her, “it’s a bit...convoluted.” At her nod, he continued. “My mother and father came over from England not long after they were married. My uncle accompanied them— he and my father were very close. They settled in Salem, and not long after that, I was born. And then, the trials started. My mother and uncle were burned in the Salem Witch Trials when I was five years old— my father and I thought they were dead.” 

“But they weren’t,” she gathered. 

“No, but I wouldn’t know that until much later. My father raised me to be a good man, but he floundered when I fell ill with influenza at twenty-five. I was strong— healthy as a horse— but the illness consumed me to the brink of death. That’s when mom made her appearance.” 

“She saved you?” 

Ben nodded. “In her way, yes.” He narrowed his eyes, remembering. “I remember how it felt when she... _ saved _ me. That’s not something one ever really forgets.”

“What happened to your father?” 

_ Okay, Ben. Time to get it out there.  _ “When I woke up from the change, he was...very close. My mother hadn’t thought to get him out of the house…” He stopped, allowing the pain of guilt and loss to rake through him like coals. “When we turn...for the first few months, we’re driven entirely by instinct. I wasn’t... _ Ben _ . I was only the Monster, and it cost my father his life.” 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Her fingers trailed along the top of his hand where it rested on her leg, and Ben was appalled at her graciousness. She was far too forgiving. 

“For a long time, I blamed my mother. But honestly? She was only a few decades older than I was. There was no way for her to  _ really _ know what was going to happen. I couldn’t have been more angry at her than she was at herself.” 

“What does it take, then? To become like you?” 

“It’s...difficult. It requires the vampire to pull back from the moment of death, and exchange blood with the victim. The blood bond is what catalyzes the change. I don’t think Leia would have been able to do it if it hadn’t been for her maternal instinct.” 

“So...does someone have to be dying, then?” 

“No, that’s just my mom. I don’t think she’d bring someone into this life if they had a different choice.” 

“What about Mitaka and Phasma? Or...Doph and Gwen? I never know which to call them.” 

Ben laughed at that. “It doesn’t matter, honestly. I think Gwen uses her surname as an intimidation tactic. She was Captain Phasma when she was with the First Order.” 

Rey blinked, not understanding, and Ben could have kicked himself. He hadn’t meant to get into the governmental structure of their world. This conversation would open a whole new can of worms. “The First Order is like...the military equivalent in the vampire world. They enforce laws and keep order.” 

“Put those puzzle pieces together for me, Ben. I’m lost.” 

Ben sighed, attempting to gear up for her inevitable rejection. “After the death of my father,” a deep breath, “I did my best to live as my mother and Luke did. But I was racked with guilt, shame, and most of all, thirst. The Supreme Leader of the First Order sought me out. I worked for them as an enforcer for...a very long time.” 

He chanced a glance at Rey, watching as the wheels turned in her head. “When I finally left, I broke Phasma and Doph out with me. We made it out unscathed, but we’ve had to lay low. We were lucky to be welcomed home with open arms.”

“So she let Gwen and Doph stay too?”

“She did. Gwen, in particular, needed to learn some manners and adjust to the... _ vegan _ diet, but they’ve become part of the family.” He smiled fondly at the memory. Though Ben and Phasma had their differences— they’d been warriors after all— there was a bond between them. The same was true for Mitaka, though he was much more quiet in his ferocity. 

“What about Rose and Hux?” 

“They came to my mother before I came back. They both developed a conscience with no outside guidance. Hux was a part of a paramilitary organization down south— a miniscule operation in comparison to The First Order— that lived very differently from us. It was a cutthroat environment that caused him to become depressed and seek out another way of life. Rose found him wandering in the desert.” 

“How did she find him?”

“Rose has a gift— much like I do. She can... _ see  _ things— things that might happen, things that are coming. It’s very subjective.” 

“So she saw Hux coming?” 

“Yes. That’s how she found Leia, too.” Ben remembered that first day he’d come home, and had been welcomed by a ball of energy with black hair that had flung her arms around his waist. He could read her thoughts, and somehow she knew him better than she had any right to. She had thought through her own life quickly, showing Ben everything he needed to know in order to know he loved her. She was the sister he’d never had. 

“Where did Rose come from?”

“We don’t know, actually. She doesn’t have any memory of her human life— doesn’t know who made her or why. Without her visions to guide her, it’s likely she would have become a total savage.”

Rey thought on this for a moment before her stomach gurgled. Ben let out a soft laugh at the absurdity of it. Of course her human needs would interrupt at this exact moment when she’d been able to keep them at bay for most of the day. 

“I’m sorry. I’m keeping you from dinner. You haven’t eaten today.” He’d been so caught up in the emotions— so caught up in  _ her _ that he’d forgotten her human needs. 

“It’s fine, really. I haven’t exactly been hungry,” she said, clearly sharing his distraction. 

Ben laughed. “You? Not hungry? It’s a miracle.”

“Shut up and come inside,” she said with a roll of her eyes as she moved to exit the car. 

“You want me to come in?”

Rey paused. “Well...only if you want to.” 

“I do. But isn’t Poe going to be home soon?”

She shook her head and grinned. “He’s at the garage hanging out with Finn, I think. He won’t be home until morning.” 

Ben thought about the idea of being alone in Rey’s house with her, and jumped out of the car eagerly. He was at the front door, holding it open for her before she could even shut her car door. 

“Did Poe leave the door unlocked?” she asked. She seemed concerned. 

“No, I picked the lock,” Ben said. He realized how creepy it sounded, but chose to ignore it. Honesty was the best policy. 

“Well...no one can ever say you’re not efficient,” she muttered under her breath as she climbed the porch steps and passed Ben. 

The inside of Rey’s house was comfortable and warm— a home. He flicked on the lights for her as she made her way to the kitchen and took a seat at the tiny breakfast table in the corner. 

Ben watched as Rey moved around her kitchen— and it really was  _ her _ kitchen. She seemed to know every nook and cranny of it. He loved to watch her move, but seeing her move with confidence and freedom this way was new to him. 

He watched her eat, and marveled at the small movements in her mouth, her jaw, her hands. Somehow, every facet of her being had become overwhelmingly endearing to him. She was exquisite. He wanted to touch her again. 

And then he remembered that he could, so he walked over to wrap his arms around her waist as she ate standing at the counter. He rested his head on her shoulder and breathed her in. They didn’t speak, and didn’t move beyond Rey’s perfunctory chewing, until she was finished. Ben took her dishes and placed them in the sink for her before turning back to face her. 

“So, what now?” Rey asked. 

“I thought you’d have kicked me out by now,” Ben said. He hadn’t meant for it to come out, but it did. In that moment, everything he’d divulged to her came rushing back to his mind, and he panicked. He’d told her about murdering his father, about working for a militant vampire organization, about feeding on people. She couldn’t want him anymore, but she did. 

Rey seemed to feel his panic, because she leaned her head into his chest and wrapped her arms tightly around him. He reacted instinctively, wrapping his arms around her and breathing in her scent— allowing himself to burn. 

“Come upstairs with me?” she asked. He didn’t nod, he just unwound himself from her and allowed her to lead him up to her bedroom. She pulled him over to her bed and pushed his shoulders down— urging him to sit on the edge of the bed before stepping between his legs to embrace him. 

Ben would never have enough of being held by Rey. The warmth of her skin against his was like a balm to his soul. The scorching breaths he took acted as a penance for his sins and he welcomed them. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked against his hair. 

“I thought we already did,” he replied. 

“You told me what happened, but we didn’t  _ talk _ about any of it.” 

“It’s not something I really like to revisit.” Rey stood quietly in front of him, and he thought she’d dropped the subject. 

“Do you miss him?” she asked. 

Ben thought he should have been offended at Rey’s prying, but he found himself wanting to share this with her. “Every day.” Images of his father teaching him to chop wood, to build things, to tend to the animals, all flashed in his mind and it  _ hurt. _ He did everything he could to press those memories down, but talking about it brought them all to the surface. It was moments like these when Ben wished he could still cry— still find some way to release all of the pain and guilt that he carried. 

He wouldn’t do that to Rey, though. Not tonight. Their day had been so full of vulnerability and joy, and Ben refused to ruin it. He just...needed a moment. “Do you want to get ready for bed?” he asked, hoping she’d take the bait. 

“Only if you promise to stay,” she replied, and was Ben imagining the sultry edge to her shy voice? 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said with a smile. It was so easy to smile around her. 

While he waited for Rey, Ben forced himself to relax. Rather than spending the rest of the evening wallowing in his own self-pity, he hoped they could bask in the revelation that they loved one another. That knowledge overshadowed all else. 

He thought back to that afternoon, when Rey had allowed him access to her body in a way that no one ever had. He thought about the silkiness of her skin, the smell of her— a heady mixture of her blood and her arousal, the sounds she’d made when he touched her… 

He wanted to do all of that every day for the rest of eternity. He wanted to do all of that again  _ now _ , but he didn’t want to push his luck. It was one thing to touch Rey as she lay prone before him, but it was another entirely to feel her hands on him. Her warmth and willingness lit a fire in him that he feared would burn out of control without the most careful control. 

So he’d keep his hands to himself if he had to… for now. Baby steps. 

Ben took a deep, searing breath and waited. 

When she returned from her shower, she stopped in the doorway and fixed him with a brilliant smile. He couldn’t help but return it, and just like that all of his melancholy melted away. She hesitated for a moment, looking down at herself in her worn nightshirt and pants. She seemed self-conscious, and Ben couldn’t fathom why. She looked breathtakingly adorable. 

Shyness wouldn’t do. “You’re so fucking cute,” he found himself saying. He should’ve been shocked by his own bluntness, but he wasn’t. She had a way of making him forget his filter. 

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest in an attempt to hide, even as she came to sit beside him on the bed. 

“I’m serious,” Ben insisted, grabbing her arms around the wrists and gently pulling them down. “Don’t hide from me,” he murmured and leaned in to press his cheek against her neck before pressing light kisses there. 

“I um...I wanted to ask you…” she trailed off, her voice shaking a little, as Ben continued his exploration of her impossibly soft neck. 

When she didn’t continue, he pressed. “Yes?” 

“Well, um, you’re much more comfortable touching me now.” 

Ben chuckled against her neck and brought his hand up to rest against her waist. “That’s not a question, Rey.” 

“I was wondering...did you...did you like what happened earlier? In the meadow, I mean.”

It took all of Ben’s willpower not to roll his eyes at her. Of course she would question her ability to satisfy him, even though the idea of ever  _ not _ being satisfied by her seemed ridiculous. He’d enjoyed every second of worshiping her body— and every bit of him wanted to do it again. “Yes, Rey. I enjoyed it very much.” He couldn’t keep the amusement from his voice. 

“So, why didn’t you let me touch you too?” The question seemed very difficult for her to ask, but he was glad she was feeling more comfortable being vulnerable. 

“It’s...much more difficult to be in control when you’re touching me. When I’m touching you, I can focus entirely on making you feel good. Adding in...other stimuli is just...a bit intimidating.” He hated how analytical he sounded, but it was the best way to explain this to her. He returned to the task of exploring her throat with his mouth while she processed his words. 

“It’s not because you don’t...like it...when I touch you?” 

Ben stopped his movements abruptly, and lifted his head to look at her. Of all the ridiculous… “You think I don’t like it when you touch me?” She shrugged, averting her eyes. “That is...the farthest thing from the truth. I like it  _ very _ much. It’s just overwhelming, and I want to keep you safe.” He leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead, forcing the crease between her brows to relax. But he wondered… “Why would you think that, Rey?” Had he done something to make her feel rejected?

Rey took a deep breath, and when Ben looked at her eyes he saw that they were wet with tears. She pulled his hands from her sides and held them in her hands before the floodgates opened— she was finally talking. “Ben, I love you. I love who you are, despite all of the issues and baggage and history that I can’t even...that I honestly can’t imagine. You’ve been so open with me, and so trusting, and I don’t think I’ve really done the same.” She took a stuttering breath to steady herself before she continued. 

“My parents left me when I was very small. I honestly don’t remember anything about them. I vaguely remember the inside of their apartment— a filthy mattress, the smell of cigarettes. Sensory memories, you know? I remember feeling hungry, and eating stale bread a lot. I remember being alone…” 

Ben was trying not to clench his hands in anger— he didn’t want to crush Rey’s in his grip. He kept his mouth shut and let her keep talking. 

“Eventually, the police busted the door in and found me. They took me to a group home. There were a lot of kids there, but I was very attached to one girl in particular— her name was Paige. She taught me to talk, and to read. That’s where the accent comes from.” She laughed, and sniffled a little through her tears. “I hadn’t had anyone to talk to before then. I have no idea what happened to her…She left the group home about a year later, and after that I didn’t have anyone. The older kids were mean, and the boys would...well. They touched me, and it was the only type of attention I ever got. I didn’t know that it was wrong.” 

She was trembling now, and Ben had to stop himself from pulling her into his chest. He was afraid that if he moved she’d stop talking. 

“When I went to live with Plutt, it got worse. I wasn’t the only foster kid he kept, but I was his favorite. He...made me sleep in his bed. He said it was the safest place for me, and I believed him. He was nice, for a while. He was the only person who had ever held me, or told me I was pretty. Eventually that changed though, and he got mean. He’d say things, and the other men at the garage would laugh and… It um...it didn’t stop until I was placed in the home with Maz.”

She shook her head, trying to shake herself out of the memory. “It really messed me up. I never had the right kind of affection, so I didn’t know what I was looking for. For most of my teens, the only thing I knew how to do was use my looks to get attention. It always worked, and it made my life easier, I guess. I remember being sixteen, and going to live with Maz. Poe was eighteen, about to graduate from high school, and he and I immediately became friends. The first time he stood up for me at school, I tried to...thank him, ya know? I thought I knew what he wanted, but he stopped me. He...he started crying, and talked Maz into getting me a therapist. He taught me to play guitar, and I started writing music. We stayed with her until she passed, and then he came up here while I finished school. It took me a bit longer to graduate since I started school so late.” 

She pulled her hands from his and wiped her eyes. “Anyway...I just thought you should know. I’ve never been in any kind of relationship where sex wasn’t the only priority. I don’t know how, and I’m trying. I just... it’s fucked up. And I’m sorry.” She smiled up at him with her reddened cheeks and watery eyes, and Ben’s resolve cracked. He wrapped her up in an embrace and pulled her to his chest— adjusting her in his lap the way he had in the car before their first kiss. 

“You are so brave. So strong. My beautiful, beautiful girl…” he whispered the words in her hair as she cried, and he rocked her. His anger at her abusers settled into the back of his chest to be dealt with later. Right now, she needed him calm and reassuring. 

When her sobs turned to sniffles, and finally quieted, Ben pulled her down to the bed and lay beside her. He kept her tucked safely into his chest as her breathing slowed. 

Then he thought of something. “You know, I do want you that way Rey.” He thought she needed reassurance— he would give her as much as he could. “And we can try… it’s less overwhelming when I touch you, than when you touch me. We can work up to trying new things. I promise.” 

“I don’t want you to think you have to do that for me…” she said, unsure. 

“Who says it’s just for you?” he teased, attempting to lighten the mood a bit. “Can I touch you, Rey? Please?” He pulled her back from his chest, and made her look him in the eye.

Her gaze turned hot and teasing all at once. “Well, if you think you need to experiment a little more…” she said with a sly grin. 

He kissed it away. 

“I just want my hands on you,” he murmured against her lips. She gasped in response, and Ben took the opportunity to roll her onto her back. He could feel his eyes blazing with excitement. Rey— layed out for him like his own personal playground— all his to explore, was his wildest fantasy coming true. 

He moved to sit between her legs, and trailed his hands up her outer thighs to her waist. “Put your hands above your head,” he said. He could hear the excitement in his voice, but he kept himself steady. She complied immediately. 

He bent over her to trail his hands down her arms, continuing down her sides and coming to settle them at her waist again before slipping under her shirt to touch the skin of her stomach. She shivered, but her eyes told him it wasn’t from the chill of his skin. 

He pushed her shirt up further, bringing his fingertips to trace up her stomach to rest against her sternum. While the feel of her skin lit him on fire in the best way, this exploration was about so much more than sexual gratification. This was a reclamation. 

His hands trailed around her breasts, drawing small circles on the sensitive skin and raising goosebumps in their wake. Her heavy breathing pushed them up and into his hands as he flattened them against her skin. He could hear her heart pounding, and if his own heart could beat it would be beating only for her. 

“You are perfect,” he told her as his hands lightly brushed over her nipples. She gasped at the friction, and Ben smiled down at her. He loved that he could make her feel like this— so relaxed and keyed up all at once. He moved his hands against her breasts, pinching her nipples lightly between his pointer and middle fingers. The pressure had her raising her hips up to him and gasping. His body was electrified, and he wanted more— more of her pleasure. He wanted to show her what her body could do when it was being loved, rather than taken. 

Ben trailed one of his hands down to press her back into the bed— holding her still without applying too much pressure. “You’re being so good, Rey. Hold still for me,” he whispered. 

“Oh my god, Ben,” she gasped. For the first time— well, second after today— in his life, Ben felt like a man— in the way that a man could belong to a woman. He was a slave to her body as much as he was to her blood. 

He needed to kiss her then, so he did. He leaned his body over her, pinning her with his hips now, but not stopping his gentle assault on her breasts. He felt her breath wash over his lips before he claimed them, and even though it burned, the pain was welcome. He pulled away to watch her expression, and he was intrigued to find it clearly mirroring the one she had worn earlier during her climax. 

“Do you think you could come like this? Just from me touching your perfect little breasts?” He didn’t know how possible that was, but he’d be willing to try. 

She whimpered, and shook her head. “I need more,” she said breathily. 

“Hold very still, baby. Don’t let go of the headboard, okay?” 

Rey nodded emphatically and obeyed. One of Ben’s hands trailed down her body and pushed into her pajama bottoms— gently running a finger through the wetness that seemed to be pouring out of her. He hissed through clenched teeth. The feeling of her body primed for him awakened something in him that way  _ very _ difficult to keep on a leash. “You are so wet,” he ground out through his teeth. Rey’s answer came out as a nonsensical whine. “That’s right, let me hear you,” he told her as he leaned down to place a kiss to her lips. “I’m going to take care of you.” 

He released her breast and sat back to pull her pants from her legs, and settled down along her side. He allowed his tongue to flick her nipple before sucking it into his mouth and trailing his hand back down to touch her. He slipped two fingers inside of her easily, and began working gently at that spot inside of her that he knew would bring her to climax. 

While his touch started gentle, it didn’t stay that way. He allowed Rey’s moans and whines to guide his pace as he sped up and applied more pressure before bringing his thumb to rub at her clit. He looked up at her and she had her eyes squeezed shut with her cheeks flushed a lovely red. 

“You look so good like this,” he whispered as he kissed her neck, not slowing his pace between her legs. 

“I’m gonna come, Ben…” she panted. Her hands were still holding the head-board in a knuckle white grip, fighting against her instinct to writhe and thrash on the bed. 

“Then come, Little Doe. I’m here. I’ve got you.” 

She did— earth-shatteringly. Her mouth opened in a silent O and her hot cunt clenched around his fingers in a way that made him wish it was his cock. Her body trembled against him as he slowed his pace and brought her down from the high and back into his loving embrace. 

He wrapped both arms around her and kissed her forehead, humming as he held her. They lay in silence until Rey started giggling. “What is it?” he asked, confused. 

She sighed happily. “Nothing. That was just...perfect. You’re perfect. And I was laughing because I honestly can’t believe you’re a four-hundred year-old virgin.” 

Ben smiled, laughing lightly at the absurdity of the statement. “I’m only three-hundred and thirty-three, for your information. And yes, I’m aware of how absurd my abstinence is.” 

“I never claimed to be good at math, old man. I guess I’m just curious why you never did...”

“Well, it was a different time then. I was nearly past marrying age when I was turned, but before that...I guess no one caught my interest in that way. I mostly kept to myself.” He shrugged. It wasn’t all that important— not really. 

“I’m glad I caught your interest,” she said. He could hear the shy smile in her voice. 

“Me too.” Ben kissed her forehead again. “You should sleep, sunshine.” 

“I can try.” 

“I could sing you to sleep, if you’d like.” 

“Please,” she said, but her words were already beginning to slur. 

Ben ran his hands soothingly down her back and began to hum the melody he’d begun writing in the car all those weeks ago. When he felt her slip into unconsciousness, he allowed his own muscles to relax. 

It was right before he fell asleep that he realized he’d forgotten all about the burn in his throat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be sure to come check me out on Twitter @Kayla_248 and head back to chapter 1 for the playlist link!


	16. When the hand you wanna hold is a weapon and you're nothin' but skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets the family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Graveyard by Halsey
> 
> Hey guys! 
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me as this chapter took a little bit longer to write than usual. Life is busy! 
> 
> I want to say thank you to all of you who are sticking with me as I write this. I know Rey's back story is rough. I struggled with it, but in the end it wrote itself, and it didn't feel right to change it. That being said, if you feel I need any additional tags after chapter 15, please let me know. 
> 
> This chapter is quite a bit lighter, as Rey gets to meet the family!

Rey woke the next morning to muted light streaming through her window, and a strong hand stroking through her hair. She was groggy and warm, and nothing about her current situation made her want to wake up. She groaned, rolling to lean into the hand stroking at her hair, and was suddenly face to face with a stone chest. The day before flooded back to her immediately, and she nearly snapped her neck from sitting up so quickly. 

She heard Ben chuckling from his position on the bed beside her. “Your hair looks ridiculous, but I like it.” His unruffled voice sent a thrill down her spine, reminding her of their time together the night before. 

She turned to smile at him and retort something about how nice  _ his _ hair looked in the morning, but she was caught off guard. He looked freshly showered with new clothes and perfectly styled hair. “You left?” she asked. 

He shrugged nonchalantly and placed his hands behind his head on the pillow. “I needed to change, and I also needed to prep the family for our plans for today.” 

Rey’s eyebrow raised in question. “Our plans?”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you…” he hesitated, “How would you feel about meeting my family today?” 

Rey could feel her eyes widen for a moment before she schooled her expression. Ben didn’t miss her expression, and his lips widened into a sinister smirk. “Does that idea scare you?”

“A little,” she admitted. 

“Don’t be afraid,” he said. He sat up and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, placing a gentle kiss to her cheek. “I’ll protect you.” 

“I’m not afraid of  _ them _ ,” she replied, shrugging out of his grip to nervously pace her room. “I’m scared they won’t like me. I’m scared they won’t like...think I’m  _ worthy _ or whatever. Do they know that I know about them?” 

Ben scoffed, and rolled his eyes. “Yes, they know everything. They actually took bets yesterday,” — his voice turned to a snarl— “about whether or not I would kill you. Though why any of them would bet against Rose, I have no idea. Either way, we don’t really have any secrets in the Skywalker house. It’s not exactly feasible with my mind reading, and Rose telling the future and all that.” 

“You never told me...do any of the others have  _ abilities _ like you and Rose?” 

“You’re evading the topic, Rey.” 

“I know. I still want to know though.” 

Ben laughed a bit and shook his head before sitting up on the edge of the bed. He motioned for her to sit down next to him. “If you can sit still for ten seconds, I’ll tell you. Then you’ll get ready for the day, eat some breakfast, and we’ll go meet the folks. Deal?” 

Rey crossed her legs on the bed next to Ben. “Deal.” 

“I’ll go down the list then. Leia and Luke— my biological mother and uncle— have gifts similar to mine. Leia can sense and bend emotions. It’s very helpful when we have family meetings. Luke’s gift takes that a bit further. He can control thoughts— though he has taken a vow to never use his gift on an immortal again. That’s a story for another time.” Ben began to tick the members of his family off on his fingers. “Hux brought over his... _ charisma _ . He has a knack for getting what he wants. Doph has his physical strength— yes it’s okay to laugh, it’s quite ironic given his size— and Phasma has her supernatural level of  _ tenacity _ . And that’s putting it kindly.” 

Rey giggled at that last comment, but sobered a bit when she thought of the icy stares she’d received from Phasma in the cafe. “She doesn’t like me much, does she?” 

“Gwen is...protective. She doesn’t like anything that could potentially put our family at risk.” 

“I would never…” 

“I know that. Everyone knows that. Don’t worry about her.” Ben reached over and squeezed her hand. “Are you ready to fulfill your end of the deal?” 

“You really think I’m ready for this?” 

“Yes, Rey. I do.” 

“Okay. I’ll be back in a minute.” Rey leaned over and pecked him on the lips, pulling away and sprinting to the bathroom. 

She appraised herself in the mirror— rat’s nest hair, flushed cheeks, wide eyes— and decided that a messy bun would have to suffice for today. She brushed on a light layer of mascara and chapstick, and rushed back into her bedroom and straight to her closet. She chose a lightweight floral wrap dress and light blue kitten heels— casual, but dressy enough to make her feel confident. She pulled on the ivory cardigan that Ben had given her—  _ her _ cardigan now— and stepped out for his appraisal. 

“Okay.” She brushed her hands along the lap of her dress nervously. “What do you think?” 

Ben’s eyes darkened, and he was off of her bed and in front of her before she could blink. “I might be showing my age here, but I think you look  _ ravishing _ .” He grinned at her rakishly, and pulled her in for a sloppy kiss that made her feel utterly  _ claimed _ . “You’re gorgeous.”  _ Kiss _ . “I love you.”  _ Kiss. _ “My family is going to love you.”  _ Kiss.  _ “Now, let’s go get you fed, okay?” 

Ben led her by the hand down to the kitchen, before Rey had a thought. “I really thought Poe would be back by now,” she mused, and resolved to send him a text later on. 

“Speaking of Poe…” Ben said, sitting down at the breakfast table as Rey grabbed the container of yogurt from the fridge. “I was thinking you should introduce us.” 

“Why?” she asked, in a mild state of panic. 

“Rey,” Ben deadpanned, fixing her with that condescending raised eyebrow of his. 

“He already knows who you are,” she reminded him.

“Don’t you want your brother to meet your boyfriend?” 

“I mean, do you think that’s necessary?” 

“Why are you so opposed?” 

“I’ve just...never brought anyone home before. Not like  _ that _ at least. I don’t really know how it works.” 

“I think it’s fairly self explanatory sunshine. He’ll need some explanation for why I’m around all the time, don’t you think?” 

“Are you the clingy type, Ben?” Rey teased, licking a bite of yogurt off of her spoon. 

Ben smirked “Oh, you have no idea Little Doe. You’ll have to kick me out if you want me to go.” 

He was right in front of her again in a blink— really not even bothering to hide his true nature anymore— and had his hands resting on Rey’s hips possessively. 

“Well if you’re planning to move in, I guess I’ll have to let Poe know. We’ll need to negotiate rent and…” She was cut off by Ben’s roaring laughter, and she erupted into giggles of her own. “Okay,” she gasped out through her laughter, “You can meet the big brother. Happy?” 

“Extremely.” And then he was kissing her gently with his hands cupped around her neck, holding her still as he explored her lips. The kiss was searching, gentle— not hungry or desperate. Something about it made her quiver all the way to her toes, and when he pulled away she found herself chasing his lips with hers. His soft laughter brought her back to the present. “Are you ready to meet the folks?” he asked eagerly. 

Rey sighed, and leaned her forehead against his chest— gathering her wits and feeling her pulse return to normal. Once she felt ready, she stepped back, cleaned up her breakfast, and made her way to the door. Ben stood by the counter, watching her. 

“Are you coming?” she asked. He was still standing there. 

He smiled again, in that soft way that made her heart stutter in her chest. “Yeah, sunshine. Let’s go.” 

Rey fidgeted in the passenger’s seat for the entire ride to the Skywalkers’ home. Ben’s house was slightly out of town— hidden down winding roads and surrounding trees. Rey’s nerves skyrocketed when they turned onto the driveway flanked on either side by mossy foliage for what seemed like miles, before coming to a wooden gate that opened for them. 

Ben pulled the car down the brick path up to a large vaulted breezeway that led to wooden double doors. Rey wasn’t sure what she had expected— maybe a gothic mansion with lightning striking in the sky? — but it wasn’t this. The house was a large two-story with warm stained wood paneling on the outside. It looked more like a fairytale cabin in the woods than a home for a coven of vampires. 

“This is...nice.” 

“You like it?” Rey could hear the hope in his voice. 

“It’s charming,” Rey squeaked, suddenly struggling to pull breath into her lungs. The gravity of what she was about to do seeped into her veins and her stomach sank with nerves.

Ben was opening her door for her in the next second. “Are you ready?” he asked.

“Nope,” she replied. “Let’s go.” She stood from the car and smoothed her dress nervously. 

“You look beautiful.” He tipped her chin up with his pointer finger for a gentle kiss to the lips and took her hand. They walked through the shaded breezeway up to the large wooden doors where Ben paused to open the door for her. 

The inside was even more spectacular. The ceilings were tall and triangular with exposed wooden beams. The stairs began right in front of them, angling down to a lower level of the house, with the first floor landings extending around either side. 

Off to the right side of the stairs waiting for them, was Ben’s mother. She smiled in greeting, but made no move to approach them— leaving the move up to Ben. 

“Hey mom,” he said. “This is Rey.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you dear.” Leia’s voice was kind, and her smile held such excitement that it was difficult for Rey to be frightened. She approached carefully at a human pace and raised both of her arms to pull Rey in for a hug. 

Rey expected to be frightened, but she wasn’t. Rey’s arms went around the small, stone woman easily as she replied, “Likewise Dr. Organa.” 

“Please call me Leia,” she said as she pulled back and held Rey by the shoulders affectionately. 

“Leia,” Rey replied, grinning back at her. The exchange felt comfortable— safe in a way that she hadn’t expected. 

“Where’s Hux and Rose?” Ben asked from behind Rey. Just as the words left his mouth, they bounded around the corner— as if on cue. Without warning, a streak of black hair was in front of Rey with arms wrapped around her waist. 

“Rey! Hi!” Again, Rey should have been shocked but she wasn’t. The exchange felt natural, and Rey wrapped her arms around Rose in greeting 

“Rose, don’t crush her,” Leia fretted from beside them. 

“She’s fine. If Ben didn’t crush her this weekend, I’m sure she can take it.” Hux waggled his eyebrows lasciviously. “Hey Ben, did you try that trick I told you about?” He held his middle and forefinger up to his mouth in a lewd gesture, and barely dodged Ben’s punch. 

“All parties were satisfied Hux, thanks,” Rey retorted, immediately regretting her choice of words upon remembering that Ben’s mother was in the room. 

Thankfully, Leia was unphased. “Hux, how about shutting the hell up for once in your life, huh?” 

“No can do, Ma. If she’s part of the family, she’s gotta get used to it.” 

“Ignore him,” she told Rey conspiratorially. 

“Will do,” Rey laughed. 

Ben had been standing stiffly off to the side, watching her interaction with his family with scrutinizing eyes. She met his gaze, and found herself unable to read his expression. She needed a moment with him. 

“It was really nice to meet you all,” she said politely. “You have a beautiful home.” 

“Thank you,” Leia replied just as conventionally. “We’re so glad you came.” 

Rey glanced at Ben again, but he was looking across to the other side of the open staircase meeting the eyes of another vampire. The man had dusty blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that focused on Ben’s. They shared a nod of understanding before Ben brought his gaze back to Rey. He was tense, even if he was smiling on the surface. 

“Rey, this is my Uncle Luke.” 

Luke had all but materialized in front of them with his hand extended, and Rey shook it politely. “It’s nice to meet you, Luke.” 

“Nice to meet  _ you _ . Thanks for putting up with my asshole nephew,” he said with a crinkly smile. 

Rey grinned. “He’s not so bad.” 

“Just wait,” Luke countered teasingly. He winked, and Rey couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Alright, that’s enough trying to turn my girlfriend against me.” 

Rey heard the front door open behind them, and the humor immediately drained from Ben’s face— replaced by a hardened protectiveness. She turned to see who had entered, just as he stepped in front of her. 

“Gwen. Doph. I thought you guys were going to be out of town,” he said smoothly. The greeting was polite, but the rage was practically vibrating off of him. 

Gwen and Doph stood in the doorway side by side— and Rey was struck by how much  _ larger _ the tall blonde was in person. She was strikingly gorgeous, even when looking down her nose at Rey with disdain. “Change of plans.” Gwen said, stepping toward Ben. “I figured it was time to meet the girl we’ve heard so much about.” 

“Phasma…” Leia said warningly. 

“Don’t worry, Ma. I’m not going to hurt her. I just wanted to see what’s got our little Benny Boy in such a tizzy.” 

“It’s fine, Ben,” Rey whispered, reaching up to touch his arm and encouraging him to shift to the side. He looked at her over his shoulder and stepped aside reluctantly. Rey extended her hand politely. 

Phasma ignored the gesture, and just looked Rey up and down. “Not much to you, is there?” she sneered, and then lowered herself to Rey’s eye level with her hands on her knees. “Stay out my way, and keep your mouth shut, desert rat, and we won’t have a problem.” She cocked her head to the side, waiting for Rey to respond. 

Rey didn’t react, only met Phasma’s eyes and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Gwen.” 

Phasma scowled, and turned to leave at supernatural speed. Doph still stood by the door. 

“It really is great to meet you Rey,” he said apologetically, before going after his mate. 

Once the pair had left, a weighty silence settled in the room, until Hux broke it with thunderous applause. “Well  _ done _ , Rey! That was  _ awesome! _ ” His laughter echoed through the room, and broke the tension. Rey even found herself chuckling along with him as her eyes continued to scan— looking for any sort of distraction. 

Ben placed his hand on Rey’s elbow, but she had found her distraction. Her eyes had wandered across the landing to the other side of the stairs where the rest of the first floor extended. There was an open sitting room with a grand piano, and a smattering of guitars resting in stands along the window. 

Rose noticed her distraction. “Do you play?” she asked, nodding towards the instruments, eager to take the attention away from Phasma’s outburst.

“Yeah, actually. It’s been a while though. Are they yours?” 

“The piano is, but the guitars are Ben’s. He didn’t tell you he played?” 

“No,” she glared at him. He had every opportunity when she’d talked about her own experience with music. “But I guess I should’ve known.” 

“What do you mean?” Rose asked. 

“Ben’s good at everything, isn’t he?” 

Hux broke into guffaws, and Leia gave Ben a reproving look. “I hope you haven’t been showing off. It’s rude.” 

“Maybe a little,” he said, laughing as he pulled Rey into his chest and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. Leia’s eyes softened as she watched their easy affection. 

“He’s actually been fairly modest.” 

“Well why don’t you two play something?” 

“I thought showing off was rude,” Ben remarked pointedly. 

Leia grinned. “It’s not showing off if it’s teamwork.” 

“I’d like to play something with you,” Rey encouraged, pulling on his hand and dragging him towards the instruments. 

Ben sat down on a bench next to a beautiful sunburst acoustic guitar. He picked it up, and his fingers began strumming the strings in an elegant melody that made Rey shiver. She couldn’t look away from his massive hands moving so expertly over the strings.

Ben looked up at her, and grinned. “Are you going to pick up a guitar or just stand there gawking?” 

“Did you write that?” Rey asked as she picked up the other acoustic guitar that was conveniently placed right beside them. 

“Yeah. When I came home I...needed an outlet. This one was inspired by my mom.” He kept playing, and Rey closed her eyes as her fingers settled along the fretboard. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. 

“I’m just feeling a little self-conscious I guess. You’re very good.” 

He smiled his disarming, shy smile. “Centuries of practice, sunshine. Play something for me. Please.” 

Rey’s fingers started plucking at strings lightly, finding the melody she’d been playing with in her head for weeks. Before she knew it, she was humming along with the melody, and swaying in rhythm to the music.  _ I keep digging myself down deeper, I won’t stop til I get where you are...I keep running when both my feet hurt, I won’t stop til I get where you are...oh, when you go down all your darkest roads, I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard… _

Her song came to an end gently, trailing to an incomplete end as Ben gently pulled the guitar from her hands. “Don’t say that, Rey.” 

She shrugged, attempting to pull back from the emotionally heavy moment. “It’s true. I’d follow you anywhere.” 

Ben just looked at her, his eyes wracked with a deep anguish before he pulled her to her feet and into his arms. He didn’t say anything, just breathed in her scent through his nose and held her to his chest for a moment before stepping back. 

“Would you like a tour?” he asked suddenly. 

“Uh, sure,” she replied, falling into step with Ben as he led her down the hallway. “Hey, what was Luke saying to you earlier?” 

“Nothing gets past you, does it Little Doe?” 

“Not much, no,” Rey quipped. 

“He was passing along some news. He wasn’t sure if I’d want to tell you.” 

“Do you?” 

“I have to, because I’m not planning to leave your side for the next few days and I’d hate for you to think I’m actually a clinger.” 

“You’re not?” she teased. 

“I totally am, but that’s not the point. Rose just saw some...visitors coming soon. They’re First Order, but loosely affiliated. Border patrols and general things like that. They don’t pose a threat of exposing us. But...they aren’t like us— in their eating habits I mean.” 

Rey nodded, once again distracted by the openness of the home she was currently getting lost in. “Not what you expected, is it?” he asked, noticing her distraction. 

“No bats, no coffins…” she murmured. 

“Nope. Not a cobweb in sight,” he said teasingly. “It’s the one place we don’t have to hide.” He turned to her again, stopping them in their tracks. “Thank you...for playing for me earlier,” he said, toying with her hand nervously. “It was beautiful— like you. I’m just sometimes overwhelmed to know that you love me just as I love you.” He met her eyes with a shy smile. 

“You’ll have to get used to that,” she responded just as shyly. He leaned forward and touched his forehead to hers sweetly before stepping back and dragging her through the rest of the house. “Where did everyone go?” Rey asked. 

They’d made it through a brief tour of the lower level of the house where there was a pool, game room, small theater, and kitchenette— and were back on the main level landing heading down another hallway. “Rose owed me a favor,” he replied. His jaw was tense, and he looked nervous from her view of his profile. 

Rey’s brow creased in confusion as they came to a stop at the door at the end of the hallway. “ _ This _ is my room.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's the favor Rose owed Ben???? I'll take guesses any time.


	17. i could do this for eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben cashes in his v-card

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Adore You by Miley Cyrus 
> 
> I had so much fun writing this chapter, but I also agonized over getting it right. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments! I love you all. The fact that people read my stuff is so freaking cool to me.

Ben could hear Rey’s heart speed up in anticipation of whatever lay behind his door, but her anxiety was likely nothing compared to his. 

As he’d lain awake in Rey’s bed the night before, he’d formulated a plan for how to accomplish this. He had left Rey sleeping peacefully so he could discuss the actual feasibility with Rose and ask for her help— as well as prepare the others for Rey’s introduction. So yes, he knew what was behind the door— and it terrified him as much as it excited him. 

Ben realized, upon entering his room, that Rose truly had outdone herself. His room had been transformed into a romantic’s paradise. Candles of varying sizes were scattered across every feasible surface, rose petals were scattered across the floor leading up to his bed, which had been transformed into a downy nest of white and grey pillows. A gossamer curtain now hung from the ceiling, creating an intimate environment for what he perceived to be the most intimate of acts. Soft music played from the speakers on his dresser across the room, and the curtains were open to the soft light filtering through the forest beyond the house. 

It was exactly like he’d asked. It was perfect. He just hoped Rey thought so too. 

He’d taken less than a second to survey the room before looking down at Rey to study her reaction. She had her eyes locked on the bed, and her heart rate had increased once again. 

“Does your room always look like this?” she asked. 

Ben couldn’t help but laugh. “No, Rey. This is for you.” 

Rey’s eyes stayed on the bed. “For me.” It wasn’t a question— just a statement of disbelief. 

He did his best to keep the nerves out of his voice. “Yes. I thought maybe...I thought we could try. If you want to, that is.” 

“I do,” she replied quickly. 

“Good. I do too,” he whispered. She still hadn’t met his eyes. 

“What happened to baby steps?” 

“Last night, I spent some time thinking about how it could work— how I could keep my strength in check— and I came up with a plan. I think it will work…” he trailed off, when he saw one of her eyebrows raise skeptically. 

“And what exactly is your plan, Ben?” she asked playfully. 

Ben took a deep breath, and stepped in front of her, willing himself to bring on the charm. “Why don’t you dance with me first?” He extended his hand to her, and she placed her hand in his. 

“Don’t mind if I do,” she responded demurely, and stepped into his arms as they swayed to the music. 

It was quiet, except for the soft sounds of their feet on the floor, and the music thrumming in the background. Rather than timing his steps to the beat of the music, he timed them to the beat of her heart— the only sound that mattered to him anymore. He had one hand resting on her waist, and the other holding hers out to the side. She mirrored his position, and was doing her best to follow his gentle steps. He focused on the sound of her breathing, and timed his breaths with hers. 

It dawned on him that breathing around her no longer burned. Well, it did, but not in the way it used to. It no longer ripped through him like acid— instead it simmered like coals on an untended hearth, warming him from the inside out. He couldn’t imagine himself living without it again. 

Ben released Rey’s hand, trailing his fingers up her arm to push her cardigan from her shoulders. It fell to the floor, and neither of them bothered to pick it up. His fingers trailed back down her arm— slowly, gently— to capture her wrist and bring it to his lips for the softest of kisses. Her sharp intake of breath at the contact told him he’d done something right, and he smiled against her skin. 

He met her eyes then, for the first time since entering his bedroom, and was shocked at the depth of the  _ want _ — no, the  _ need _ — that he saw within them. He couldn’t stop himself from kissing her then. They were no longer swaying— he had his hands in her hair, gently pulling it loose from it’s confines as her lips pressed against his desperately. He was overwhelmed— as he often was— by the sweetness of her mouth, the tentative flicks of her tongue and playful nips of her teeth against his bottom lip. She was perfect, and she was  _ his.  _

That was the thought that led him to wrap his arms around her waist and carry her to the bed. She squeaked a bit when he picked her up, and he couldn’t help but smile against her lips before laying her down and rolling on top of her— being careful to keep his weight off of her.

He continued to kiss her— unsure of how to continue towards their end goal— until she was squirming restlessly beneath him. He pulled back from the kiss to take in her expression, and she looked just as wrecked as he did. Her cheeks were flushed the lovely red that he knew so well, and her pupils were blown wide with desire— desire for  _ him.  _

He didn’t think he would ever get used to that fact— and suddenly the nerves were almost crippling. His thoughts raced with every possible  _ horrible  _ ending— images of Rey with a broken bone, bruises, blood….things that he thought he would be able to keep from happening. He was able to push those thoughts away easily. The ones that weren’t so easy to push away were much more  _ human _ in nature. 

What if he wasn’t enough for her? What if his inexperience left her unsatisfied? He’d been able to take care of her when she’d been his sole focus, but how would he fare when he was experiencing his  _ own _ distractions? 

Rey read him like a book as these questions flashed through his mind, and came through in his eyes. She smiled softly, and reached her hands up to cup both sides of his face. “What’s worrying you, Ben?” 

Ben didn’t bother to hide his feelings— what was the point? She held his soul in her hands anyway. “You know that I’ve never...made love to a woman before. I just worry that I won’t…”

He stopped talking when Rey started laughing. “Ben— if your previous performances have been any indication, I don’t think there is a world in which I leave this room disappointed.” She arched her hips towards his suggestively. 

He closed his eyes against the sensation of her hot core pressing against him— willing himself to power through the conversation. “It still worries me. I just want to be good to you, Rey,” he said, hoping she could hear the desperte sincerity in his voice. 

Her eyes darkened, and her hands slid down the sides of his neck. His eyes rolled back into his skull at the warm sensation on his overly sensitized skin. “Why don’t you let  _ me  _ be good to  _ you _ , Ben?” 

There was no way he was going to survive this. His skin was going to catch on fire.

He nodded, and let Rey roll them over until she was sitting astride him— pressing him back into the lush pillows behind them and leaning back against his knees. Rey’s hands wandered from his neck down to his chest to the hem of his shirt. She paused there, her fingers teasing at the exposed skin. 

She raised her eyes to his. “I want to take this off. Is that alright?” At his nod, she helped him pull the shirt off over his head, and immediately her lips were pressing to his skin. 

He knew what his skin must feel like to her— cold, hard, unyielding. It was the exact opposite of the way her lips felt against his skin. Each kiss was like a brand— molten and all-consuming. He was so lost in the feeling of her lips and tongue against the planes of his chest and abdomen that he didn’t notice how low she’d moved. Her hands had made their way to the front of his pants, and were working to unbutton them. 

If he weren’t already dead, he’d surely be having a heart attack right now. 

His hands itched to touch her, but he didn’t trust himself. Instead, he settled for gripping the headboard and focusing his gaze on Rey moving between his legs. She unzipped him deftly, pulling his jeans down his legs, along with his underwear and shoes, before climbing back up his body. 

He expected that she would undress herself then— but when did Rey do anything that he expected? No, she settled on her knees between his thighs and fisted his painfully hard cock in one hand and pumped it slowly. He couldn’t stop himself from arching into her hand and drawing in a gasp. Her tiny hand wrapped around him was unlike anything he’d ever felt. 

“You have a beautiful cock, Ben,” Rey said, just as she leaned in to wrap her lips around the weeping tip of him and sucked. Ben couldn’t respond— how did one even respond to such a comment anyway? — he just whimpered and his hips thrust upward into her warm, wet mouth. 

Rey gagged, and immediately Ben pulled back, moving to sit up. “I’m sorry, Rey. Are you okay?” He could hear the panic in his voice, but Rey was still smiling— pushing him back down onto the bed. He flopped against the pillows— at her mercy once again. 

“I’m fine, Ben. You just surprised me, that’s all.” He nodded, giving himself over to the sensation of her lips and tongue. He can feel her tongue teasing the tip of his cock, pulling back the foreskin and using it to pump him as she used her mouth. 

Ben could hear the noises coming from his own throat, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. He was too consumed by Rey’s mouth completely  _ engulfing _ his cock, and the moment he felt the tip press against the back of her throat he knew he was going to come. 

“Rey...Rey I’m gonna come if you don’t...I need you to stop…” 

She popped off of him with a low chuckle and crawled down to stand at the foot of the bed. He fought back his whimper as the air of the room hit his overly sensitized cock— and forced himself to wait patiently. His hands still gripped the headboard dutifully, but his eyes remained glued to Rey as she began to undress for him. 

“Do you want me to take this off, Ben?” she asked, teasingly. 

_ Oh, my darling girl... _

“Yes,” he replied. It was the first time he’d trusted himself to speak clearly, and he was surprised by the lust in his voice. “As a matter of fact, I’d like for you to take it  _ all _ off for me.” He felt himself growing more confident by the second— especially when he heard the rise in her heart rate and the hitch in her breath. 

“Why don’t you come do it for me, then?” she asked, narrowing her eyes in challenge. 

“No, I don’t think I will. Put on a show for me, Little Doe.” And like the cocky bastard he knew himself to be deep inside, he moved his hands from the headboard and placed them behind his head before raising his eyebrow back at her. 

Put on a show she did. She made a point to maintain eye contact with him as she untied the wrap dress from around her middle, turning her back to him and allowing it to fall from her shoulders— revealing that she wore nothing beneath it but a pair of white lace panties. She hadn’t worn a bra to meet his parents.  _ Of course she hadn’t. _

He found himself mesmerized by her backside— as he often did— and it took momentous effort to keep still as she shimmied out of the lingerie. When she peeked over her shoulder at him, he raised his eyebrows in question. “Are you just going to stand there, or did you have something you wanted to accomplish?” 

“I just thought I’d let you admire the view.” 

“Well in that case, you’ll be standing there for a while.” 

She giggled— and just when he thought he’d gotten used to the sound, he’d realize all over again that he would die to make her giggle like that— and turned to crawl back up the bed and settle herself astride him. 

Rey’s lips were on his again, and her skin pressed against every inch of his. He adjusted quickly— too happy to be this close to her to be concerned about much else. He was building his own confidence, and trusted himself not to be overcome by the act of kissing. 

Ben’s hands roamed over her body, tracing her ribs and spine lightly to make her shiver. He could feel her core against his cock, but chose to keep his focus on the warmth of her lips pressing softly— yet insistently— against his. Yet, when he allowed his hands to travel down to her thighs, Rey pulled away with a sigh. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. He’d thought they’d been doing alright. 

“You’re driving me crazy, Ben.” 

_ Oh.  _ Ben smiled sheepishly. “I was just enjoying touching you. I don’t think I should while we…” 

“Why not?” 

“I just don’t know how it’ll be when I’m...overcome.” 

Rey’s eyebrows wrinkled together in thought, but she nodded. “Okay. We’ll play it by ear. Just hold on to the headboard and let me take care of it, okay?” She smiled reassuringly, and Ben’s chest squeezed as he nodded. 

Once his hands were secured to the headboard, she kissed him once again. The kiss started off gentle, but grew more hungry as Rey ground herself against him before sitting back. 

She locked eyes with him and raised her hips above his cock— teasing him against her molten core before notching him inside and  _ slowly _ taking him inch by inch. In the corner of his mind, Ben heard the cracking of wood, and felt the bed shake just a bit, but he only had eyes for Rey. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the place where they were joined, watching as she enveloped him in her wet heat. 

When she’d finally taken all of him, Ben’s eyes moved to her face. Her face was scrunched up as if she was in pain, and her breath was coming quickly. He panicked immediately. His hands pulled away from the headboard to rest on her waist gently in concern. 

“Rey?”

“Holy fuck, Ben,” she whimpered. 

“Are you ok? Do we need to stop?” 

“No, oh my God, no. You feel  _ so _ good Ben.” She leaned down and rested her chest against his, slowly gyrating her hips on his cock and drawing moans from them both.  _ Oh. Oh fuck… _

He hadn’t known it could be like this— so all-consuming and intimate. There was nothing that could have prepared him for the feeling of being inside her, and feeling her moving above him while she peppered little kisses along his face and jawline. 

She moved slowly, sensually, above him, and the gentle stimulation kept Ben just on the edge of being physically overcome. He was able to maintain some sense of consciousness— enough that he noticed when she shifted slightly, and pressed up against his chest to change the angle  _ just  _ so. Her eyes met his as she started to bounce on his cock, increasing her pace— and consequently increasing his dire need to touch her. 

Rey, it seemed, shared this need because she leaned forward and grabbed his hands from the headboard. At first he didn’t relent, but she was insistent, clutching at him as she increased her pace again and causing his eyes to roll into the back of his head. He allowed her to grasp his hands, and she placed them on her hips before letting go. 

“Show me what you want, Ben. You won’t hurt me. I know you won’t.” She demonstrated her point by grinding down on him at a new pace, wrenching yet another pathetic moan from his throat. 

His touch on her skin was feather-light, as he moved his hands from her hips to her perfect ass and began to guide her up and down on his cock in a way that made his head spin. He felt his control fraying at the ends the closer he came to climax, but there was no going back now. 

He gripped her in his hands, pulling her up and down on him like she weighed nothing— because to him, she didn’t. Her moans echoed through the room, and he could vaguely make out her words through the roaring in his ears— little moans of  _ oh fuck, holy shit Ben yes, fuck me just like that, let go baby it’s okay, fuck you’re so good _ … 

And the frayed control snapped. Rey was on her back in less than a second and Ben’s face was buried in her neck as he pounded into her at what he knew had to be an inhuman pace. Her hands gripped his hair and she was  _ everywhere  _ and  _ everything _ — he hadn’t truly lived until this moment. The heat of her cunt made him come alive again, baptizing him and making him new. He’d never want this with anyone else. 

Ben could feel her fluttering around his cock within moments, and it only served to stoke the flame burning in his own belly. He hitched one of her legs in his elbow and secured his other arm around the top of her head to pet her hair. The angle aided in deepening his thrusts, and then she was coming— squeezing his cock the way she’d squeezed his fingers the night before— and he heard himself growling in a voice that he didn’t recognize as his own. 

“That’s it. That’s my darling girl, coming on my cock so prettily. You’re doing so good baby girl. I love you, I love you, I love you…” The last of the  _ i love you _ s was mouthed against her skin as he came, emptying himself deep inside of her and leaving a piece of his soul there too. He stilled, holding himself above her as he thrusted inside of her a few more times— unwilling to leave one drop of himself behind. 

When he came down from his orgasm, he released Rey’s leg and went onto his elbows to hold her face in both of his hands. Her eyes were glazed over, but she was smiling happily and catching her breath with a lovely flush cast across her face and chest. 

She looked thoroughly fucked, and Ben couldn’t help being proud of himself. 

“So did that go according to plan?” she asked with a giggle. 

“Not at all.” His tone was playful, but there was a real question hiding behind it.  _ Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Was I good for you? _

“What was your plan, exactly?” She raised her eyebrow in question as if she doubted he’d had a plan at all. 

“For you to be on top, and for me to never take my hands off the headboard.” It sounded clinical and silly now, but he still wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t hurt her in his loss of control. 

“Then I’m glad things didn’t go according to plan. I think it went well regardless.”

“Do you?” 

Her eyes softened as she looked at him and brought her hands up to brush his hair away from his eyes. “I do. I really, really do. I don’t know many virgins that could make a girl come on their first try.” She was stroking his ego, and he was going to let her. 

But he had to know. “Did I hurt you?” 

She shrugged. “I may have a few bruises, but that’s okay. I actually quite like the idea of being marked by you.” 

The sane, rational part of him wanted to pull away, to never touch her again because he’d  _ bruised  _ her and that was absolutely  _ deplorable.  _ The new, lustful creature within him stirred at the idea of marking Rey as  _ his _ , and he found that he very much wanted that too. 

He wanted the world to know who she belonged to— who would be fucking her senseless for the foreseeable future, who would be making her cum around his cock, his fingers, his tongue— whose name she’d be crying out in ecstasy as he rutted into her until she came apart beneath him... 

Rey wiggled beneath him. “Ben, now you’re hurting me a little...” 

It took him all of a second to look down, see his hand wrapped around Rey’s ribs possessively, and pull back to sit at the end of the bed so he could regain his composure. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, wringing his hands together and feeling guilty for losing his composure...again. 

And then Rey was there, pressing her chest to his back and wrapping her arms around his neck. Her lips pressed to the side of his neck, as her hands rubbed soothingly against his chest. They were silent for a few moments, just breathing each other in, until Rey spoke. “Will you come lay with me?” 

Ben twisted to look at her, afraid that this was a pity gesture— why would she want him close to her after he’d very nearly broken her ribs? — but all he saw was love and acceptance. He nodded and moved back up the bed to pull her close. 

She settled into the crook of his arm, and sighed contentedly. “Do we have any other plans for today?” 

Ben smiled, and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I might have a few plans…” 

“I meant plans that involved leaving this room,” she laughed, landing a sound  _ smack _ to his chest. 

“Nope. I’ve waited for you for this long, and now I’m planning to get  _ plenty _ of practice.” 

Rey yawned, and Ben chuckled again. 

“Of course, you can feel free to rest for a bit first. You’ll need your strength.” 

He could practically hear her responding eye-roll. 

“Will you tell me a story?” she asked. 

The request took Ben aback for a moment. “A story?” 

“Yeah. I just want to hear your voice.” 

“What kind of story would you like to hear?” 

“Tell me about your mom. And Luke,” she said tentatively. She knew this topic was a sore spot, but she’d asked for the story anyway. For once, he wasn’t afraid to tell it. 

“Okay. Settle in— it’s a long one.” She nodded, nuzzling her head into the crook of his arm and angling her face so she could see him. 

He planted a peck on her lips, before he began. “If you want to know about my mother, you’ll need to hear about my grandfather— Anakin Skywalker.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/kayla_248) and say hi!!!!
> 
> Also, I currently have plans to continue this for the entirety of the Twilight Saga...obviously with my own twists and turns :) Hopefully you guys are down for the ride!


	18. It wasn't easy to believe that I did that to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns how the Skywalker family came to be, and Ben's mood swings kick in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW I'm so sorry it's been so long! My mental health hasn't been the greatest, but here we are! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I promise the next update won't take so long.

Rey’s eyes remained fixed on Ben’s face as he collected his words. It had become clear in the past few days that the story behind his mother and uncle’s journey into immortality was a tough one, but Rey was eager to find out why. 

Ben didn’t look at her. He kept his eyes trained on the canopy above them. “I don’t know much about his firsthand experience— he wasn’t around for very long to tell anyone. I only know what my mother and Luke have told me, so...here we go. 

“I know that he was born— in the human sense— in England. I don’t know the time period, or anything of that nature. I don’t even know when he turned, to be totally honest. What I  _ do  _ know is that my mother and uncle were raised by separate relatives. They were told that their mother died in childbirth, and didn’t even know they were related until later in life. They only met because my mother fell in love with my father— who also happened to be a good friend of Luke’s. Once they started getting closer, their adoptive parents told them each the truth. 

But there are still missing pieces. They don’t know how my grandmother met my grandfather. They don’t even really know how old they were before they were turned…” He trailed off for a moment, before fixing Rey with a shy smile. “Sorry. I’m not exactly going in chronological order. Anyway, once my mother and uncle found each other...they were inseparable in the way that twins often are. Things were good. My mother and father got married, my uncle fell into his studies, and they led a quiet life outside of London. 

It started quietly. They’d hear bumps in the night, whispers when no one was around, floors creaking— all that ‘haunted house’ stuff they show in movies now— but eventually things got more and more strange. My mother noticed their things disappearing from laundry lines. Animals were popping up dead closer and closer to their house. 

Uncle Luke was the one that finally saw him. He was perched outside of Luke’s bedroom window in the trees— just a pair of golden eyes hidden by a mess of wild hair. Luke didn’t know who he was at the time, but something in his gut told him that they couldn’t stay there anymore. So he booked passage for the three of them to travel to the colonies under the guise of pursuing religious freedom.” 

“So did Anakin end up on the boat with them or something? How would he have traveled that far?” 

Ben opened his mouth to answer her question, but seemed to lose his train of thought to something beyond the door of the bedroom. He was silent for a moment before groaning and banging his head against the headboard dramatically. 

“What?” Rey asked. He had obviously heard something she hadn’t. 

“My mother is insisting that since we’re  _ finished _ , we should come out. She also insists that I’m a shit story teller, and that I should leave the stories to the old folks.” 

The mortification spread through Rey quickly, and she felt the blood rushing to her cheeks. “So she…” 

Ben nodded. “Knows exactly what we’ve been doing, yes.” He laughed for a moment, and then had the grace to look a little guilty. “I didn’t mean for this to be embarrassing for you. I didn’t think she’d be this  _ insistent,  _ but I think she’s been looking forward to my settling down for longer than anyone realized.” He sat up, pulling Rey along with him, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “She’s taken it upon herself to cook dinner for you this evening.” 

“She cooked?” 

“Apparently. And she enlisted the help of the rest of the family. It’s become a whole affair. I hope you’re ready to be the guest of honor for a few more hours.” Ben turned his head and winked at her with a sly smile. He was enjoying this  _ far _ too much. 

“I don’t have much of a choice do I?” Rey asked with a roll of her eyes. 

His smile widened. “Nope. Not at all.” 

Rey threw herself back onto the bed with a groan. “Fine. Throw me my clothes.” 

Once Rey was convinced that she was presentable, she allowed Ben to lead her out into the kitchen where the merry band of vampires waited for her. She had no idea what to expect. How long had it been since any of them had cooked a meal? Was Leia expecting her to stuff her face while she listened to some harrowing horror tale of immortality? 

Well, she wouldn’t disappoint. The food smelled amazing. 

“Rey! Ben! We were wondering if you were ever planning to join the rest of the living,” Leia enthused as she pulled a bubbling pan from the oven. 

“Rose, I thought we had a deal,” Ben said, with a raise of his brow. 

“I did my best, Ben. You didn’t think I could keep them out all day did you? Mom’s been chomping at the bit for the past hour. I had to talk her out of busting the door down.” 

“And I thank you for that,” Rey chimed in. She was already mortified enough to be having this conversation in front of Ben’s entire family, but if Leia had walked in on them? She would’ve expired on the spot. 

“It wouldn’t be anything I haven’t seen before. I’m over three centuries old. Shame has come to mean very little, honestly.” The reminder of Leia’s age in comparison to her appearance probably should have been jarring, but instead the comment brought Rey a little bit of comfort. She supposed there wasn’t much one wouldn’t have come across in that amount of time. 

“Hey, why does it smell like burnt flesh in here?” The voice came from behind them, and sent a chill down Rey’s spine. She was not in the mood for another verbal spar with Gwen if she could avoid it. 

“Mom’s cooking for Rey,” Ben said casually. His hand rested on the small of Rey’s back in a comforting gesture. “What are you making, by the way?” 

“Enchiladas. I thought, since you’re from New Mexico…” 

“Is she even Mexican?” 

“Gwendoline,” Leia admonished, narrowing her eyes. 

“Okay, okay. No need to use my Christian name, Ma. I guess we should feed the human. Wouldn’t want her to starve on our watch. We’d hate to draw even  _ more _ attention.” 

“If you’re going to keep running your mouth, you can leave,” Luke said calmly from the other side of the kitchen. 

“Fine. We’ll be in the dining room waiting for story time.” 

“So...are you guys just going to watch me eat?” Rey asked as Leia pulled out a plate and placed a delicious-looking enchilada on it for her. 

Hux laughed, resting his head on Rose’s shoulder. “We could go grab some takeout for us, if that would make you feel better. Although, I think you might lose your appetite…” 

Ben was away from Rey’s side for less than a second, and Hux was hunched over clutching his side when he returned. He was laughing, even though he was clearly in pain. “That was a cheap shot bro,” he said through chuckles. 

“Yeah, well, stop antagonizing my girlfriend and maybe I’ll keep my hands to myself.” 

“Okay, children. Everyone to the table,” Leia insisted, carrying Rey’s plate to the dining room and placing it in front of a chair for her. Rey sat, and Ben sat to her right as Leia made her way to the head of the table. 

The entire family was gathered around the table like Thanksgiving, and all eyes were on Leia. It wasn’t uncomfortable or tense— instead it felt like a common practice. Hux had his arm around Rose’s chair and was absently toying with her hair. Phasma had her arms folded on the table in front of her with her chin resting on them as Doph sat beside her with his legs crossed. Luke sat to Leia’s right, scribbling in a leather bound notebook with an inhuman speed that Rey was quickly growing accustomed to. 

She picked up the fork on her plate and took her first bite, and Leia took that as a signal to begin. “So, we left off at the boat, yes?” 

Rey nodded. “I was wondering how Anakin managed to follow the three of you across the ocean without being detected.” 

“Oh. He swam, of course.” 

“He...swam?” 

Leia nodded, giving Rey just a moment to wrap her mind around what a feat that must have been. “He left us alone for a while after that. We settled into a quiet life. Han was a carpenter, I kept the house, and Luke began to study with the church. I had Ben...and then the trials began.” 

Rey couldn’t take her eyes away from Leia as she spoke. This was the part of the story that she knew would be hard to hear. “Dead animals began popping up again. People were going missing. Girls were seeing things and throwing accusations around...it was chaos. I’m sure you learned all about it in school.” 

Rey nodded, encouraging Leia to continue her story. “I remember the day they came to our house. Han was out with Ben, and I was home alone. Somehow, I knew it was coming. Everything was happening so close to our home, and the whispers around town were anything but kind. I knew...but I didn’t expect it all to happen so fast.” 

Ben spoke up then. “I remember it. I remember coming home with...him— and seeing the flames. He didn’t let me near the town square...but when mom didn’t come home, I knew.” 

“Luckily— or unluckily, depending on how you think of it— the rain came down before we were...officially finished. The townspeople had left, it was dark, and we were alone. I couldn’t feel anything anymore, but I remember movement. We were carried into the forest at the edge of town and layed in the brush. Luke went first. I remember hearing the tearing of flesh, but there was no screaming or expression of pain. I couldn’t move my head, or I would have turned to look at him. It was over quickly, and then there was intense pressure against my skin...that same sound of tearing flesh. Everything went black after that.” 

Leia paused, allowing Rey to absorb everything she’d said so far. Rey sat, quietly munching on her plate of food, while Ben rubbed her back soothingly. Her eyes were trained unwaveringly on Leia. 

“We woke up underground,” Leia continued. “We know now that the sunlight can’t hurt us, but in those days the old myths were very much alive. It only made sense for the one who made us to place us under the earth to keep us safe. We dug ourselves out, and the first thing I noticed was that...nothing hurt anymore. My skin had healed. My lungs no longer burned from the inhalation of smoke. No, they burned for another reason.” Leia chuckled, looking over at Luke. “Luke was the first to realize what had happened to us. After all, he was the only one who had seen Anakin when we lived in the Old World. He recognized the same ghostly skin, and the gleam in my eyes, and knew immediately.” 

Luke spoke up then. “I wanted to find him— to ask for answers. We never got them. A few yards away from us was a funeral pyre. We saw the footprints and we just...knew.” 

Rey couldn’t hold her tongue. “But...why would he do that? He just turned you and left you alone?” 

Leia and Luke looked at one another, seeming to go back and forth between who should tell this portion of the story. Eventually, Leia nodded and conceded the floor to Luke. “He left his journal behind. From what we can gather, he had been turned as a very young man. Our mother had been his wife. The timeline of our birth, and his death, followed by her death, was entirely unclear. What we do know, is that he killed her.” Luke cleared his throat— a useless human gesture meant to fill the silence. “His journal spoke of a vampire named Palpatine— of an Empire that was in charge of our kind. He’d been turned because the Emperor had seen power in him...but he’d gone mad in his grief. As Leia and I grew up, he struggled more and more to keep his distance. When he revealed himself to me, he put us— and himself— in danger of their retribution. 

He followed us to the colonies, presumably to keep us safe. In his madness, he didn’t realize that he was only putting us in more danger. In one of his entries he wrote only  _ I must stay close _ for three entire pages.” 

“So when he saw what had happened to you, he wanted to...save you? In his own way?” Rey asked. 

“I think so. Leia...feels differently.” 

Rey turned her attention to Leia who sat at the end of the table with a stormy expression in her eyes. “There was one entry in that journal that stuck with me. It was one of the earlier ones, from right after he had been turned. He wrote,  _ Anakin Skywalker is weak. I have destroyed him. When the time comes, they will join the Empire or die.  _ I think he turned us into weapons for his Master.”

The air shifted and crackled. Ben’s body tensed beside Rey. 

“Mother has a hard time with forgiveness, in case you can’t tell,” Ben’s icy comment came through clenched teeth. “She has difficulty seeing how one might fall to the temptation of power.” 

“Power that I never asked for, son. Power that took me away from you.” 

“For someone who hated his choice so much, you were quick to make the same one for me.” Ben’s tone was icy still, but the undercurrent of hurt simmered close to the surface. 

Rey was frozen. She hadn’t expected Ben’s emotional reaction— though maybe she should have. The circumstances surrounding his immortality had been carefully skirted around since the beginning— a detail that had not gone unnoticed by Rey. She wanted so badly to know him— to know everything that hurt him, and patch it up piece by piece, but he just wouldn’t let her in. 

Leia’s eyes narrowed at Ben, filling the silence with tension as Rey’s thoughts spun. “Would you rather I’d allowed you to die of influenza?” 

“I don’t know, mother,” Ben said as he pushed away from the table. “Would I still be going to Hell if you had?” He didn’t give Leia a chance to answer him. Before Rey could touch his arm and try to make him stay, he was out the door. 

She sat, stunned that Ben would leave her here, but strangely not feeling at all unsafe. Clearly he needed time to cool down— but why?

“Is he ever going to stop being such a pussy?” Phasma’s voice broke through the tension in the room, and soon Rose’s giggles followed. 

“I don’t think you would’ve been calling him that a few years ago Phas,” Doph reminded her gently. 

“A few years ago he wasn’t bitching and moaning about the state of his soul.” 

“Yes, and a few years ago he was—” 

“Enough.” Leia’s tone was final, brokering no argument from the others in the room. Rose’s giggles stopped and Rey could hear her heartbeat in her ears as she waited for someone to speak. Leia’s eyes met hers from across the long dining table. “Rey, how much do you know about Ben’s past?” 

“I know that he was twenty-five when he was turned, and that he remembers...the burning. He hasn’t told me anything about the time after.” 

Hux snorted. “Figures.” 

“Armitage,” Leia scolded evenly. 

“What? It makes sense that the mighty Kylo Ren would keep his secrets from his little human girlfriend.” Hux pushed back from the table and kicked his feet up. “I’m just saying that I’m tired of him being coddled. Why does he get to pretend that he didn’t do the fucked up shit that he did?” 

Surprisingly, Phasma came to Ben’s defense. “You weren’t there,” she said, her voice softer than Rey had ever heard it. “You don’t know what Snoke could be like.” 

“Oh, so because he broke you out, he’s suddenly a hero and all of his sins are absolved? No. He at least has to own up to it. Rey deserves the truth.” 

At that moment, all eyes turned to Rey, and she froze in her seat. “So...what is the truth?” 

A rumbling voice came from behind Rey, and for the first time since she’d first heard it, the voice sent a thrill of fear down her spine. “For two centuries, I served as the Master of the Knights of Ren and head Enforcer for the First Order.”

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come see me on Twitter @mackwritesreylo


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